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Day 26 Breaking Down

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by James232, Nov 20, 2017.

  1. Nov 20, 2017 #1
    James232

    James232 Fapstronaut

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    So like the title says I'm on day 26. I've began working 70+ hours a week between my 2 jobs to get out of debt and get my shit together before getting back to school, so I have a lot more drive from nofap. With this comes a lack of sleep though, and I've noticed that when I'm tired I think about my ex. Now I'm tired AND stressed from working so much along with a lot of other things I'm doing to improve myself.

    I'm curious, me and my ex were only together for 3 months officially, with 2 or so months of sex and getting close before-hand. Is it normal for me to be so in love with her? Even 5 months after the breakup? Despite her being insanely immature and uncaring in the way that she ended things? She blocked me on everything simply for wanting to talk to her about it after her friend broke up with me for her... I think I love her more now than I did when we were even in the relationship because now I know what losing someone I love feels like if that makes sense. I don't know if I'll ever get over it though and that's a scary thought.

    I have crippling social anxiety that makes it extremely hard for me to connect with anyone, and the more I've been thinking about her not loving me, the more I think that honestly nobody does I don't think... My dad's never been in the picture and my mom doesn't even care about herself let alone me. I've been doing everything I can to strengthen myself and harden the fuck up but this is constantly in the back of my head. I just can't connect with anyone it's like I'm just on a different frequency or something I don't know... I've never just wanted a hug so bad in my life I'm nearly crying every day at work and I'm crying as I write this and I feel like such a massive pussy... Have any of you ever gone through not being able to connect with anyone? Have you gotten through it? How? Any advice?

    As fucked up as I am right now don't take pity on me that's the last thing I want. I want advice and maybe to know if anyone else has gone through this.
     
    James232, Nov 20, 2017
    James232, Nov 20, 2017
    #1
    Empty Red Cloud likes this.
  2. Nov 21, 2017 #2
    TotalLifeChange

    TotalLifeChange Fapstronaut

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    I don't take pity. But I'm going to tell you how this works, period.

    The only way to receive love is for you to give love first.

    For example:
    • Love others.
    • Send good thoughts (love, success, happiness, laughter, fun) to people on the street, people close to you in the same room, etc. You don't even have to say anything. Think it in your mind and watch how your feeling changes.
    • Do random good deeds for people.
    • Help people.
    • Be a good role model of positive values for you, inspiring people along the way.
    • Meditate on love for others, specific people and groups, doesn't matter.
    • Close your eyes an visualize yourself giving (and receiving, but first, giving) love to others.
    • Etc. (whatever you want)
    Get out of the victim attitude you're suffering from now, and intentionally try any of these things (or all).

    Let me know how it goes. Although I know how it will go. ;)
     
    TotalLifeChange, Nov 21, 2017
    TotalLifeChange, Nov 21, 2017
    #2
    James232 likes this.
  3. Nov 21, 2017 #3
    TotalLifeChange

    TotalLifeChange Fapstronaut

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    I just received an alert, in a kind of synchronistic way :D

    [​IMG]​

    Apparently I'm Seriously Likeable! :D

    I had no idea or intent to get to that level –didn't even pay attention to it or know it existed.

    How did I do this? I'm just logging here once in a while, besides writing on my personal thread, and trying to give my best advice possible to people, people I don't even know.

    Obviously this is just some online badge of honor, but it's been very timely to help me exemplify what I just told you.

    You get it ;)
     
    TotalLifeChange, Nov 21, 2017
    TotalLifeChange, Nov 21, 2017
    #3
    Scared Human and James232 like this.
  4. Nov 21, 2017 #4
    James232

    James232 Fapstronaut

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    I actually just tried this out at work today and I'm not sure what it is but people are treating me WAY better... It doesn't even make sense lol. Thanks a lot man I'm gonna start making a habit out of this.
     
    James232, Nov 21, 2017
    James232, Nov 21, 2017
    #4
    TotalLifeChange likes this.
  5. Nov 21, 2017 #5
    TotalLifeChange

    TotalLifeChange Fapstronaut

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    The visualization exercise? Or just helping them out?

    In any case, that's great news!
     
    TotalLifeChange, Nov 21, 2017
    TotalLifeChange, Nov 21, 2017
    #5
  6. Nov 21, 2017 #6
    Scared Human

    Scared Human Fapstronaut

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    it does make sense. it just goes against everything you've been conditioned to think, i.e. you have no control over your reality. deconstruct those notions and your life will change. NoFap itself is almost like a mindfulness practice
     
    Scared Human, Nov 21, 2017
    Scared Human, Nov 21, 2017
    #6
  7. Nov 23, 2017 #7
    James232

    James232 Fapstronaut

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    Just thinking loving thoughts towards other people while I interact with them. They must just sense it!

    I'm actually a huge believer in having power over everything in my life. This is just the one thing that I've never been able to figure out.
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2017
    James232, Nov 23, 2017
    James232, Nov 23, 2017
    #7
  8. Nov 23, 2017 #8
    Physicist

    Physicist Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to facing your demons, you stopped numbing those feelings when you stopped PMOing, so now you are left with facing them.

    GOOD

    Face them and attack them. Carry on with your life and let them pass. They are normal because you were numbing yourself with PMO, they never had a chance to surface and pass one. Now they are here.

    Yes, its normal. I used to feel the same way too.
     
    Physicist, Nov 23, 2017
    Physicist, Nov 23, 2017
    #8
  9. Nov 24, 2017 #9
    Empty Red Cloud

    Empty Red Cloud Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    What you are going through is more common than you think. You are not alone.
     
    Empty Red Cloud, Nov 24, 2017
    Empty Red Cloud, Nov 24, 2017
    #9

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