I Hate Myself

Hey! It was really sad reading what you have written. If you can stay away from PMO for enough time so your brain can reboot there is a chance that you will feel better afterwards. If you can find the strenght to do it you will proud of yourself and that will give you more power over your life. I'm a melancholic person so I know the feeling when you can't look into the mirror because you are afraid that you will see a coward and not a real man, but hey if you do this it can be the first step of proving that you are a strong person and you can achieve your goals. Find a way so you can be more positive and always remember what YOU want and never to late to change. Wish You the best, good luck

 

It's not a competition when you lose your virginity, when it's time, it's time. I can relate to much of your story.
Sorry to hear that you are lost in life. Things can change quickly for the better, if you let it. Try to change something, do you exercise/go to the gym? How is your diet?

Meditation can also be your friend.

Work on your confidence, it will bring out the best of you.

You can do it mate.

 

You are pointing to a porn blocker in your signature.
Why doesn't that blocker work for you?

 

Wow I feel just like you man, we have to keep fighting, even if we feel it´s impossible. There are tons of people that has been in worst situation than us, people that has been even more addicted to PMO and even drugs, and if they could quit their bad habbit we can too.

We just got to do everything we can to quit, use all of our resources with tons of perseverance.

 

First off, don't worry about losing your virginity. I lost mine when I was 25, and I felt bad about it because I was so desperate that I slept with a friend in a one-night stand who I wasn't even physically attracted to and I ended up hurting us both (I ended up confessing that I wasn't attracted to her and I didn't want her to find out about my PMO addiction, either). I felt like a real douchebag afterwards and it ruined our friendship afterwards.

Also, in my eyes, you're not a weak person. You're here because you recognize that you have an issue, and you want to address it. That takes a lot of courage. A truly weak person would never say that they have a problem because they're scared and ashamed of the reactions from other people.

Ask yourself what it is that you want to be or want to achieve. If you want it bad enough, you won't let PMO continue to rule your life in a negative way. You may falter sometimes, but it's just human nature. Just don't be too hard on yourself when it happens. None of us are impervious to relapsing, but just don't give up when it happens.

 

A lot of us experience this split. It's the addiction tearing us in half. Feed the good wolf.

18 is just fine and proper to be a virgin. Keep encouraging the right things to grow w/i your personality. You will treat a lady right with some recovery under your belt. Find the strength you do have; that great man /is/ within

 

Few points:

1) You are 18. Be glad you are trying to figure out NoFap early. There are people in their 30s who find it hard to give up this habit.

2) With the constant sex these, still being a virgin at 18 might SEEM like a big deal. I agree it tends to make you feel like a loser. You are still young so relax. I was a virgin when I was 18.

3) There is nothing wrong with the "brave strong guy" part of you also wanting pleasure with women. Porn drills it in our heads that "pleasure with women" is just wrong but in reality its a healthy mindset to have. It is false dichotomy we seem to have on this forum that sometimes women cannot be enjoyed for pleasure because "pleasure" is only exclusive to pornography. You are a man and its ok for you to be attracted to good looking women who seem pleasure (in the real world, not the virtual world).

Soon enough you find many of them have great personalities too. Some will even say "i get pleasure when I know you want pleasure out of me. its weird but i really enjoy it"

4) Lastly, as much as you hate yourself. Only you have caused this. Its time you stop hating yourself and go out and do things in life. You don't need to be constantly positive with the self talk but my friend, you'll stop destroying yourself if you stop invalidating yourself. Nothing is as destructive as self-invalidation.

 

I read alot of shame in your story. But i would like to point out that your problems with PMO are not your fault! The industry is very good at manipulating us, with the accessability to porn we had from such a young age it is not strange that so many if us have these issues.

 

I feel the same this afternoon. I've been ok for a while, occasionally watched porn the last couple of months - less than once a week. But today, stress got the better of me and I wanted relief. Now I feel ashamed, useless and selfish.

You are not the only one struggling with this. So many of us are and we recognise it is a problem. You are a good person because you know you want to change.

Remember it is a setback and we all have setbacks. They are ok as long as they remind you that you have a goal and you need to work harder to get to it. I have been drifting from mine and need to get back on track.

Keep trying.