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Should I try online dating

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Mankrik, Nov 12, 2017.

  1. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I'm really on the fence about this and would like to hear as many opinions as possible. I'm considering trying online dating but I'm just not sure if it's the right move.

    Some background information:

    I'm 18 and am a freshman at a big university (approximately 30,000 students) I still live with my parents a few miles away but am mostly independent. I have never been in a relationship before and feel like that's the last missing piece of my life. I feel like I could make a good profile. I'm fit, attractive, and good at talking to girls. I'm sure I would be able to find dates but I'm not sure if that's what I want. I would most likely be using tinder and I know that is notorious for just facilitating hookups. I'm a sensitive guy that's looking for long term love; this might not be my best play. I'm a virgin and never kissed a girl and I want my first time doing these things to be special and with someone I really care about even if that sounds lame. Also I'm doing nofap so it might be hard to resist temptation if things start to go that way. I don't like the idea of online dating and I'm not sure if I will be able to find true love using it. However I'm lonely and have had no luck out in the wild so far. I'm tired of waiting for the right person. It feels like I need to be actively doing something.

    I want to find a long term relationship and I do not want to go out with a bunch of random people. I'm lonely though, and I'm confident I would get matches. Not sure what to do.
     
  2. Stop overthinking this and try it. If you find that online dating isn't right for you then stop using it.

    Boom. Done.
     
  3. TheBigBadWolf

    TheBigBadWolf Fapstronaut

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    Sup Mankirk,

    Right on man! That's what I call a good mindset, but why are you not just trying to meet girls at your university and trying to build a connection with them?

    You sort of answered my question already. It's not lame to want to build a relationship with a girl that you truly care about and who cares about you too. I'm not saying it's impossible online, but it seems like a hookup with an online girl isn't what you want.

    Don't let this temporary lapse of loneliness shape your growth. If you want a long term relationship than you know what you need to do. You just have to start taking action with girls in person, or online. The choice is yours to make, however based off what you are telling me is that it would be smarter to improve your game with girls at your university.

    -TheBigBadWolf
     
    Mankrik and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    If you want to treat relationships like just another consumer good then yes, go on-line. If, however, you want to treat people like the human beings they are, as ends in themselves, and in the process develop your own humanity, then be adventurous and meet people in real life. Don't hide behind a screen. Develop some social skills.
     
  5. Plutonium

    Plutonium Fapstronaut

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    There comes a time in life when your children will ask you "So mummy & daddy how did you two meet?"

    And they will ask that question over and over again. They like to hear the answer.

    I do feel for people who will have to answer "oh, we met online through a dating app" - it is hard to spin that one as remotely interesting or romantic.

    I second your reply. Get out and do things you enjoy. Then find a girl who enjoys doing those same things. Pursue and woo her. Date, have crazy adventures and if it all works out get married. If not dust off and try again. Prepare the best answer you can for your future children.
     
  6. TRUTH!!! You don't meet the real person when you meet them online anyways.
     
    Mankrik likes this.
  7. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    I know several people who met and married through online dating services. It worked out great for them. If you're just looking for a hookup i'd recommend against it. But if you're looking for a life partner, why not?
     
    JohnnyReid, Mankrik and Hitto like this.
  8. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate the responses :D
    I have decided I'm not going to do online dating. I feel like it would be effective, but it's not an approach that reflects my goals and ambitions.

    It's time for me to go out and meet real people face to face and forge a more romantic basis for the start of a relationship. Thanks to everyone here who has helped me realize this.
     
  9. Supermarron

    Supermarron Fapstronaut

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  10. arrow26

    arrow26 Fapstronaut

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    Don't think just try and come back and tell us how it was, ok? :)
     
  11. SuperLulox

    SuperLulox Fapstronaut

    I wouldn't recommend it, no. I used it several times, even got a couple of hook ups but it isn't worth it at all.
    Its too similar to porn. Click click click hot chick hot chick hot chick. And more often than not it leads to sexting.
    I ended up relapsing so many times couse of tinder, and while I was using it, even if I didn't relapse, I didn't feel as good about myself and about stuff in general.
    My advice: leave all of the fake internet shit behind (tinder, Instagram, Facebook) and go out there. Read, work out, learn to play piano, whatever makes you better, but don't waste any more time on virtual reality, couse it's not real.
    Good luck man
     
    Mankrik and Arc12 like this.
  12. DeepSeaDiver

    DeepSeaDiver Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like you have a lot going for you and to offer a girl. If you aren’t able to meet girls directly on campus now, what about an activity or club to get to know some with common interests? You may have to try a few different ones, but don’t get discouraged.
    If you are wanting to meet a girl to date for a quality relationship, what about an app like bumble? I think that’s more for people looking for a relationship.
     
    Mankrik likes this.
  13. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Hi there. I don’t recommend any dating until you complete your reboot and are emotionally healthy. You indicate you are a sensitive guy and when you are in reboot you will be even more sensitive as you have lost pmo as a coping mechanism. Dating involves a lot of rejection online dating is 100 times worse and even those not in your situation struggle with hurt feelings. I’m female and I have done them all it’s brutal to online date.

    I think at your age most people meet via online dating so it’s for sure tough for you to meet someone otherwise. I’m a lot older but when I was in college I met my first bf in class and he asked me out to dinner my college was about the size of yours too but I know times have changed.

    I suggest working on your reboot and yourself for 90 days. Don’t be a monk during that time. Go out to events and parties join clubs that interest you and most importantly get comfortable talking to women just in a social setting no pressure that will build your confidence and help you to see women for more than sex objects. I suspect you will meet someone but don’t put so much pressure on yourself to get a girlfriend just love your life and she will come! Don’t sit alone in your room. You are so young and the best part is that you you have realized your issues with pmo and committed to stopping them at such a young age you have so many good things ahead of you I am sure of that. If it helps at all most of us women feel just as nervous and awkward as you do trust me!

    If you do decide to do online dating I recommend eharmony as even though it’s expensive the people on there tend to be looking for actual relationships not hook ups but I suspect once you get your house in order you won’t need that you will meet someone!
     
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  14. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the long and thoughtful response. I plan on taking your advice by going 90 days and getting things straightened out. I have done it before and it has been really beneficial but I have struggled to maintain that discipline recently. I'm going to fully commit to nofap and get my head right. The best I can do is make the right choices and get out and meet people and good things will happen. Its definitely reassuring to hear that girls are just as nervous. I forget that sometimes. I'm past the point of view of objectifying women but sometimes I put them on a pedestal and feel reluctant to make conversation. I'm not going to do online dating but rather pursue women out in the world. I'm confident things will go well I just need to take action and be patient.
     
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  15. DeepSeaDiver

    DeepSeaDiver Fapstronaut

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    Online dating can quickly turn into what pmo feels like....chasing the unattainable. I definitely think activities in real life will lead you to a relationship when you are ready and help lay down a good foundation for interacting with friends.

    Good luck to you.
     
    Mankrik and GG2002 like this.
  16. yeah go for it. Online dating is the way to go these you never know who you're gonna meet good or bad.
     
    Hitto likes this.
  17. KayaKaiju

    KayaKaiju Fapstronaut

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    In my experience, online dating is a fairly sausagey scenario.
    Probably works very well for gay dudes, but not if you're looking for women to date. You have to REALLY stand out and you will be dating under your league if at all.
    Most of it puts you in a provider scenario right out of the gate, which means high expense, low results.
    If you're in University, join some clubs and meet some people. Join a fraternity. Go to your university rec center and ask about outdoor adventuresy kinda weekend trips and stuff like that. Even if you're an introverted dude, work on improving your social skills. They'll be as or more valuable in your upcoming career as your actual degree will be.
     
    Mankrik likes this.
  18. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Appreciate this advice.
     
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