How do i not get angry because my needs arent met

Tell her that she should never feel obligated to have sex. She only should when she 100% wants it. Meanwhile, ask for her support in other ways, such as someone to talk to, or to do something to occupy your mind.

 

First off, you don't have sexual needs. You have sexual desires, and that's different. You're not going to die if you don't have sex. The moment you frame your sexual desires as needs, then you open up all kinds of rationalizations for whatever behavior you resort to in order to 'meet your needs' (like, for instance, "gravitating towards cheating or anything.")

You also need to know that you may think you have a higher sex drive than you actually do. You need to stay off porn for a while in order to find your baseline brain chemistry. Then you'll be able to better gauge what's 'normal' for you. For the first couple of weeks, you'll be in withdrawl so of course you'll feel like you want it more ... but that's not your natural drive talking, that's your hijacked brain chemistry begging for the dopamine that it's used to, which you're not flooding it with anymore.

 

Your relationship will never work as long as it's all about you. Use this as an opportunity to practice not being so selfish and be more concerned about her desires than your own. A healthy marriage is about serving, not being served.

 

Wow. I'm pleasantly surprised by the answers here! Good points, all of you. I'll just add:

Yes, an imbalance in how often partners want sex is something that might need to be addressed at some point. But not now. You just joined nofap less than a week ago. It's your PMO addicted brain that is telling you you need more sex for happiness. Focus on rebooting and improving your relationship first. It's possible, although not guaranteed, that the imbalance could even out eventually.

See links in my signature (if you're on your phone, turn it sideways to see) for tools that helped my husband and I, including FANOS, cuddling and karezza.

 

Experts say it takes about 90 days for the brain to rebalance ... so a week isn't even scratching the surface, really.

Trust me, I know ... 90 days sounds like a f***ing eternity when you're used to MO'ing a couple of times a day. But that's what it takes. Unfortunately the neurpathways you've created with PMO are well-worn over many years, so it takes longer than a week to start to undo them.

 

Sure... but your first posts are about how she isn't meeting your needs and how you might cheat. Apparently, she is happy with less sex, so more sex isn't going to make her happy. Maybe with time she'll want more, maybe not. This may not be what you want to hear, but the solution in marriage is to give up what you want for the sake of the other.

Sometimes in marriage people can compromise, sometime you'll get lucky and the other person will go out of their way to make you happy. In your case, I figure you have two choices - figure out a way to make her have more sex, or be happy with the sex you're getting. Anytime you're trying to change other people to make yourself happy, it wont work in the long run. In a lifelong relationship like marriage, you gotta change yourself rather than the other person.

Cheating should not be on the table. If you're engaged and are already contemplating cheating - break it off because you aren't ready for a lifelong commitment to this woman.

 

It kinda feels like you are hiding something from her because you ARE hiding something from her.