Lost V card

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post it at, but I lost my V card last night. I figured I should make a post about it because it's kind of a big deal. It was great, but definitely different. Kinda fucking nerve wracking honestly. Not sure if it will go anywhere, but I guess we'll see. I honestly do feel a lot different. I think I'm still sort of absorbing it. Anyway, I do feel a lot better about myself. It's fucking awesome.

 

congrats bud

 

It was pretty great. A little awkward, but I had been drinking and like I said, I was pretty new to it. Apparently I'm a natural haha. I can't say I'm in love because I don't really believe in falling in love that soon, but I definitely like her. It might go somewhere, or it might not. I guess we'll wait and see, and yeah, I had protection. I have bite marks on my shoulders hahaha. It's sore, but still nice. Yeah I feel a lot different, but it's hard to explain. I mean, I feel great, but I'm really anxious for some reason. Is that normal?

 

Congrats!

You are mistaken. It's not anxiety what you are feeling, it's excitement.

 

It's definitely something. I'm just ready to see her again, not to say that we're gonna start dating, but we'll see. I guess I do really like her, but I just don't wanna become too attached, at least not this early. Kinda trying to ground myself. I've seen guys fall in love their first time, but I'm not sure about all that. I mean, yeah she was my first, but I actually really like her. We actually have quite a bit in common. She also seems to really like me.

 

Yeah I mean, it definitely is new to me, so it makes sense to feel a lot of new emotions. I guess I'm just wondering where to take it from here. If we don't really date it's fine, although I'd like to because she's cool as fuck, gorgeous as fuck, and I'm 95 percent sure she's really into me. I am new to this, but she did seem to look at me as more of a "fuck," but I guess we'll see. I guess I'm trying to keep calm and collected, but goddamn it's hard. I guess I'm not one to get attached because things can get complicated if you get attached. I guess that's why I'm "anxious" because I'm just wondering what lies next. Anyway, I'm just gonna try to keep a level head.

 

What I meant by that was that I think she looks at me as more of just a one night stand. She seemed to really like me. I mean, she would just keep staring at me. I'd find her staring at me a lot, even after we were done. She looked at me as if she really fucking liked me. Truth is, I actually really like her. I mean, I know she's my first and everything, but I really do like her a lot. We have a lot in common and I think she's gorgeous, but right now we're not officially dating, we're just seeing where it goes I guess, and no, I wasn't her first. I guess if I'm being honest, I don't wanna get hurt. God I hate admitting that haha. Makes me feel like a wuss, but I guess I don't wanna go crazy over her and then find out she just wants to have fun, so I'm trying to keep an open mind, but yeah, I like her a lot. I also have bad anxiety anyway, so I keep creating bad thoughts in my head like "oh, what if she just decides she doesn't want anything to do with me for some reason." Even before we were alone, she seemed like she was kinda out of it and the first thought I had was "fuck, she doesn't like me, what the hell was I thinking?" Then I find out she was just nervous because apparently I'm that attractive. I still have trouble believing that. Low self-esteem is a bitch man.

 

Yeah, I definitely want to haha. I'm gonna text her today and see what's up. I'll post later about what happens.

 

Yeah, we seem to have quite a bit in common. I'm gonna hit her up and talk to her. I'll spill the beans later haha.

 

Well, I don't really have time to call her because of work. Besides, I'm not sure if she wants me to call. At the very least I can meet up with her on the weekend. I guess the problem is I have no fucking idea where this is going. I mean, she honestly seems to really like me, and I honestly really like her, but I have bad anxiety and I keep telling myself that I'm wrong and shit and it drives me fucking crazy. I drive myself crazy dude, for real. I feel so goddamn anxious. I mean, we hooked up, we seemed to really connect, we slept together, she told me countless times that I'm fine as fuck and hot and all that, she would stare at me afterwards like she really fucking liked me, and yet I still have these anxious thoughts telling me that I'm wrong and that she probably changed her mind because of some crazy ass reasons. It's insane.

 

Shit's destroyed me. It's all I can think about now.

 

I just don't wanna come off as clingy. Truth is, yeah, I really like her, and I wouldn't mind at least trying to date her, but if she doesn't want to, that's fine with me. I just want a conclusion I guess. That's all I ask is to just know something. I texted her and ain't gotten shit back, so I can only assume that it's not going anywhere, but I don't know for sure. I usually overthink everything and almost always it turns out ok. One time, I was introduced to a girl and she said something like "oh I'm gonna choke on my gum." All I could think was fuck, she thinks I'm ugly. Fuck this shit. Turns out, she was actually really interested. What she said was because I made her nervous, but I took it the completely opposite way because I have bad anxiety. Anyway, with this current girl, here's my analysis. My gut tells me that she likes me, a fucking lot actually. I mean, she obviously finds me sexually attractive, but I think it's more than that. Just the way she would look at me and shit and the things she said, but she's complicated. I think she pushes people away and tries not to care because she's been hurt in the past. Either way, I just want a fucking answer because it's driving me crazy. That way I can either move on and look for another girl, or I can start seeing her, which honestly, I'd prefer the latter, but it is what it is.

 

I always heard it would control you, but GODDAMN. It just makes everything else fucking suck. I hope I'm not addicted.

 

Take jokes? Nah man, I'm not saying she said that I was ugly, I'm saying that my anxiety made myself believe that she thought I was ugly. I have a lot of self-doubt. Yeah apparently I'm very attractive to women. I just have a problem believing it, which is what's so crazy. I'm working on it.

 

I'm trying not to be the nice guy. I waited a few days before I even messaged her so she didn't think I"m a clingy fuck, and I haven't gotten shit back from her. I just texted her my number and said hey, and nothing. Not sure what to think of it. I mean, in the past I've always over-thought things, so I'm trying not to over-think it now, but I'm really not sure if she just fucking ignored me or if she's waiting until the weekend or maybe her phones is off or what. Shit is fucking with me, just not knowing. That's literally it. Just wondering if she blew me off or what, because it would make absolutely no sense if she did. She fucking likes me, obviously. I mean, we had sex, among other things, and the way she would just stare at me smiling afterwards tells me that she's really into me. I guess I just want a goddamn answer. We'll see I guess.