I Have a Very Unhealthy Lifestyle and It Needs to Stop

Basically, i have had an unhealthy porn habit since i was about 13 (i am 27 now). I then developed and unhealthy sex life.

I am a sex addict (about 6 -7 years) and a porn addict (about 12-13 years probably). But i find my sex addiction comes from the porn addiction and i know if i can gain the will power to stop porn i can stop the unhealthy sex.

It doesn't help that i live in Bangkok and it has lead to a series of potentially life threatening unprotected encounters with sex workers. I had worked hard to reduce that, but recently had another relapse of that exact nature.

It is totally destroying my life. I have been depressed and suffering from anxiety and OCD thoughts and behavior.

I have a difficult time enjoying sex yet i can do it over and over but just crave more. I have a bit of ED starting and already serious delayed ejaculation.

It has to stop. I can't remember the last day when i didn't use porn or visit sex workers.

I will use the thread as a journal to encourage myself and others and to connect with others who are going through the same of similar things.

Wish me luck.

 

Thanks. I will update soon!

 

Well, it has been 4 whole days since i did anything i shouldn't have. I am feeling good. It is actually quite an achievement for me. I don't have any cravings or anything just now. Some times i am having thoughts of women, but nothing more (i.e not porn or sex)

Feeling good so far with this small victory and i shall be very careful where i go and what i do this weekend since i am free and that can be dangerous.

Over and out.

 

Damn, just relapsed.

Before hand i began to feel irritable and then compulsive sexual thoughts and then more irritability (even anger). Then i relapsed.

Back to the start again.

 

More relapses. Starting to feel emotion. Anger. Short temperedness now and again.

 

3 days! feelin good!

 

Well, after more very bad relapses i think i have to go hard mode. I find the way i have been doing it isn't working. When i give myself a little (eg. M without P), i end up going to far and having a full blown relapses of the worst kind.

So it's hard mode for the next 18 days unil i am back with my partner and then the circumstances will change of course. But i have to make a strong conviction that P will be out of my life, fapping will be out of my life, and any kind of infidelity too.

Only normal relations with my partner, that's it.

I hope for mental healing, emotional healing, spiritual healing, physical healing, relationship healing (with myself and others).

Here goes.

 

Day 0

I think i have to try hard mode for a few weeks till i am back with my partner.

The way i have been doing it is only leading to more relapses.

Let's see. I have to do this.

 

2 days on hardmode now. Feeling fine.

 

4 days on hardmode. Still feel ok. Growing concerned about a spontaneous relapse though. Feeling a bit randy, especially in the mornings. I have to keep myself busy If i can make it past Sunday (today) i almost certainly will be fine til next weekend (the next big challenge).

 

Well, i eat my words. Back to the drawing board. It wasn't the worste kind of relapse, so not to worry too much

 

Well, not too bad so far. Had a relapse but more or less still beating my regular best.

The first relapse was almost a wet dream. Well, not exactly cos i touched myself but virtually no masterbation, yet i still orgasmed. I haven't came like that since i was about 13, crazy (especially consifdering i have DE)

Next, i was intimate with my wife (no relapse)

And just now, i had a real full MO relapse.

But no porn or even thoughts of porn whatsoever.

Improvement.