fuck...

@icnvnu I am a long time porn addict. Started pre teens and that's been a long time ago now. I am only now getting serious with it, it's been quite a ride. But listen dude: I promise you there is hope. It's not easy, but it's possible. And worthwhile. I'm happy to chat or talk or whatever. We really need help in this. Pm me and we can chat.

 

Same for me. Alone I fail. Strength in numbers. I often times get frustrated with life, as I am tonight, but I know the way to make it 100 times worse = PMO. Remember just do the next right thing!

 

My bad: Porn Masturbation an Orgasm. Not sure why we throw the O in. PM are bad enough.

 

Social isolation is bad, I think you know this already.

Some time has gone by since your initial post, how are you thinking about it now?

His response seems defensive to me - not necessarily defensive of the action, but of himself. I'm training to be a teacher and we're taught that going after the person leads to more misbehaviour, but putting the emphasis on the action is more motivating to improve. So we say, "what you did was bad," not "you are bad." If the person is criticised, the misbehaver will likely react to protect their self-worth, which means more misbehaviour disrupting the class. But if the action is criticised, there is the possibility of changing the action in the future (especially if you express confidence in the misbehaver's ability to change).

Were you to apply this, a sample interaction might sound like, "______, the choices you are making right now are not positive because they really hurt me and drive a wedge between us. I feel incredibly hurt and like I cannot trust you because of those decisions. I love you and have been amazed at your ability to ________, like when you __[insert example of his improvements - you said you had them!]____. [This action] feels like a step in the wrong direction, what can you do to make it right?"

Ending with a neutral (non-accusatory) thinking question is really good because they really encourage thinking. Ultimately, you want to know the answer to two questions: "What are you going to do about it now?" and "What are you going to do to prevent it in the future?" Come up with your own variations on those themes!

What do you think of this idea?
What can you do to create a more neutral, self-preserving space when you talk with him?