Compulsive Lying

Hey man I know someone like you and I can tell it's not easy to deal with a compulsive liar. But I'm certain you have some lovable qualities about you that you can use to your advantage here. Be extremely nice to her, show her that you repent and that you care. Maybe you can set things straight again (if that's something that you would want to do). I've been mentally prepared and ready to cut a compulsive liar from my life multiple times this year, but I still haven't done it because after all there are things I like about this person. Hope this helps. Oh and congrats on day 6! Stay strong!

Edit: Especially your background story about how you learned that the truth brings negative reactions etc. makes me really understand your perspective and your compulsive habit of telling lies. If you haven't yet, try and explain this to her like that!

 

I’m married to a compulsive liar. So I’ll give you the other sides view. Now I have to say I lied to cover my SA and PMO but that was it, that was my addiction.

A compulsive liar, at least what I experience, will lie for no reason at all. Many times just out of laziness to take the time to be correct. There is really no care. The lie is actually enjoyed with the artfullness of its being done and winning the game takes precedence. The lie can be the game even. Doesn’t sound like you are that far in.

Now how to deal with that? I’m still figuring that out, as your wife is. But for yourself, putting the truth for even the little things as ultimately important will help you to find the truth and use it. If you find yourself doing a lie, go back and correct it by apologizing and explaining it. No matter at what point time it is. You can’t imagine how much your wife would appreciate that. I know because I would in the same situation.

 

This make me thinking... that almost anything you do is bad, with low moral, hurtful, lazy etc? I can't imagine why else person should get negative reactions about saying the truth. Maybe live your life by doing things in that manner to not be ashamed, scared to tell the truth, because there is nothing bad you have done in the first place? I don't have problems to tell the truth 99 % of my conversations with people, because there are no bad things I have done
(happens in rare ocasions, those 1 % I need to lie), I mean not to extent that someone gets mad....

 

Porn is a lie. The only way people get off to it is believing in the lie on some level, so not believing in lies is a sign of recovery.

In my experience some people into positive thinking have no problem with lying if it suits them, if it serves to lubricate socialization. To me that's selling out. You are lying to yourself at the same time. If you lie to someone else because they WANT to hear positive lies, you're in collusion with them and that relationship is effectively a lie. Whatever kind of bond with them is then at least partially based on a lie. You may avoid emotional conflict, but the "peace" gained is based on saying things people want to hear.

 

I seen your post and thought it was myself who wrote it. Like identifying why I would lie was one thing but continuously on the daily for a year. My wife is literally a mental and emotional mess because of my past porn addiction n masterbation. I' a "smidge" different as my porn addiction n lying was exponentially out of control as a result of meth use. Stopped the meth and desire to watch Porn literally goes away. I do masterbate here n there like 2-or three times a week but sometimes that's just like ya whatever n it doesn't interest me. The lying though holy shit man. I truly hate myself for being so selfish n impulsive n seeing the hurt n angee n gas lighting I was doing to my. I went to rehab and relapse 2 weeks in all I know is I'm welcoming 2018 and hoping to be a good year

 

I see no problem with the lesson you learned from a young age. You didn't consciously have a choice as to what kind of people your family are, and when you are young with no other way out, I see lying as quite a smart adaptation.

"Did you enjoy school today?"

"YUP"

No harm done there, gets them off your back.

However, it is different with your wife. That is a person who you made the conscious decision to be with. That is someone who deserves the truth. I would say that is the distinction that needs to be made. Not sure what kind of stuff you were lying about to your wife, hope it wasn't too bad.

 

As a kid I knew better but was a curious kid. As an adult I knew better and for some stupid reason the drugs like however crazy this sounds made me think that lying was better even though I didn' know what she would sa or do if I told the truth