Why the fuck do I fear of talking to girl that I like?

WHY? Please give me some advice it will be helpful. Thankyouuu very much. Merry christmas

 

I have two levels of attraction a super strong messed up one, where I basically have the hots for her. This is 100% pure based on their looks. It puts me in a state of mental paralysis. There is the other level where I like being around them because I am more clued in to their personality.

I have come to see the first one as being a total lie. For example: I assume you have heard how women who were raised by abusive fathers are often attracted to abusive boyfriends. They are more excited by men with characteristics of abusers and bored by men who don't have those characteristics. Toxic attractions are the strongest. Perhaps your attraction to these girls you like and can't talk to isn't toxic, though I'd be on the lookout for that, you need to be honest if it's based on their looks or not. Women don't hold on to their looks very long. It's a really bad measure of relationship or friendship. It's a good measure of how big a bang the initial sex will have... which will fade and disappear even faster than their looks. It's a toxic illusion.

But really there is one much more important thing to point out: there is nothing you can say or do to make a girl like you. They already do or not and that's that. Your chance of changing their mind is near zero. The other huge truth, and you can find studies on this, is that women are about 10x more picky and particular about who they like then men. What this means is that we don't pick them, they pick us. You still have to make the first move and pretend you are picking her, but they drop some pretty strong signals as to whether they like you or not if you pay attention. Despite the fact that women who are attracted to you are not your first pick it does not help you at all for you to snub them or ignore them (or most likely not even notice them). I did this for years. Totally ignored them. Treated them like dirt.

Of course the complexity is that some girls will play hard to get when they actually do like you. Other girls are just insane, or like playing with you etc. So be observant (something I actually never did with the girls I had the hots for, I was only triggered by them) and it should become obvious.

The bottom line is: you don't need to win them over: it's out of your control, so just relax and show up and pay attention.

Good luck bro. Don't waste as much time with this as I did.

 

I’m learning this about myself too, I think we don’t want to be vulnerable so we over think it and choke up and then it’s a big mess after and then it’s gg no re