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Porn effects and help with envy

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by chris3spice, Dec 27, 2017.

  1. chris3spice

    chris3spice Fapstronaut

    I started porn really young and I talk about this on my recovery Journal but wanted to post it here.

    I was a straight male before pron and I still am I know I'm not attracted to men but I got so far into sissy/trans porn and hypnosis that I wanted to be one and thought I was just meant to be a sex object and worse (my fetish got really really dark I'll talk about it if people want). It helped fill a void I had from being bullied and never getting attention or having my feelings reciprocated by girls I liked. I have talked about it other places and I love how certain groups of people try to push me to being trans... "You're just lying to yourself you are attracted to men deep down you just need to accept it" when I'm completely still attracted to women and I only like men because of the porn. I don't get the feeling looking at men like I do looking at women.

    I'm still fighting thoughts of becoming a woman after a couple long streaks right now 61 days. So I'm curious how long did it take people to recover from some of the effects of porn along these lines? I know everyone is going to be different I'm curious to see what the ranges are.

    Also if anyone has help to offer on getting over envy let me know. I know that part of my drive to be a woman is envy. I'm envious of the beauty and I'm envious of the breasts because they get attention from them. This is what I think really drove me down the path.

    Thanks Everyone!
     
    Wolkmann likes this.
  2. anewversion

    anewversion Fapstronaut

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    Stay strong. If this is what you want don't let any external force change your mind.

    “The green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm.”

    Confucius
     
    chris3spice likes this.
  3. Wolkmann

    Wolkmann Fapstronaut

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    I have similar thoughts to you. I'm now into transgendered person porn, and I want to quit at all costs, but it seems kind of hard sometimes, and it turns me so sad it makes me think I'll have to get used to it. Since it started, thoughts of turning into a woman came to my head - it sometimes seems convincing for me to become a woman, but when I'm conscious enough, I know this is just a bunch of bs. Lately I have been questioning my sexuality quite a lot, since I'm straight. I also had problems with lack of attention or no reciprocation and bullying.
    Keep strong man, these things might only be effects of porn, and you are in a long walk. I have heard some say you get full clean in about three months, some say it's six months, but no matter how long it is, you are a long way from turning back.
     
    chris3spice likes this.
  4. chris3spice

    chris3spice Fapstronaut

    Thanks, glad to know I'm not the only one to struggle. I am almost to the 90 day point hopefully it gets easier from there instead of harder each day like it does now. I know better but my brain has been so beaten with porn that is all it knows haha. It's like it doesn't want to get pleasure from anything else because it wants to keep the porn.
     
  5. r_ryan85

    r_ryan85 Fapstronaut

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    It's so crazy what porn does to the brain. Holy shit. Massive list of things. Im nearly at 150 days and only just now are the porn flashbacks and other thoughts about it are leaving
     
    K423 and chris3spice like this.
  6. chris3spice

    chris3spice Fapstronaut

    Thank you! So I know they can persist for a while, just need to keep fighting it!
     
  7. anewversion

    anewversion Fapstronaut

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    If you have any porn stash saved offline, my advice is delete it. I had a MASSIVE 10 years of porn stashed which I deleted 4 days ago.

    It was hard to delete it as the addict in me was saying "we need it!!" but if you want to truly be free it does have to go.
     
    chris3spice and Hopefulgirl like this.
  8. chris3spice

    chris3spice Fapstronaut

    I did delete my Stash not too long ago... I actually didn't save a whole lot because most of it I just got online and always looked for New things though there was one video I had saved I only had about 20 pictures or so so it wasn't too bad deleting it. Good for you deleting yours I know it can be super hard.
     
  9. MarkTT52947

    MarkTT52947 Fapstronaut

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    you need to get professional mental health care
     
  10. chris3spice

    chris3spice Fapstronaut

    Unfortunately with the debt I'm in I can't afford it. My insurance doesn't cover it until my deductible is met and the cheapest one up here is 80 an hour. I make to much money for cheap or discounted rates that they offer so I gotta get my debt wiped out first
     
  11. MarkTT52947

    MarkTT52947 Fapstronaut

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    yes been in that situation too a friend of mine who is a professional medical writer has done a lot of writing about how the insurance industry has wrecked mental health care.

    I fell into debt like that once--funny just thinking of that kind of debt period makes me almost trigger because the way I slid into that was a period where I was doing so much porn thinking and masturbating and all the rest.

    Take on your debt like a serious thing. If it is preventing you from getting medical attention take it serious. I woke up one day and looked at my debt and made drastic decisions that I had to change my whole life. I went and got a second part time job at night. I delayed moving to a nicer place or getting a decent car. I suffered.

    If you are not getting mental health care u need because you are broke then money is a mental and physical health problem and you ought to go on the warpath to get it fixed instead of sitting there feeling powerless
     
  12. MarkTT52947

    MarkTT52947 Fapstronaut

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    when I quit smoking 40 years ago, I always had a fresh pack of cigarrettes sitting on the coffee table of my home to symbolize that I was controlling this urge and it was my mental decision, not keeping myself off ciagarettes that was involved.'

    Anyway u can get to porn or porn like stuff by the click of a mouse. You have tofocus on self control or having a friend or supporter there to contact if u are going to fall

    You have to look at all the reasons you get into this stuff reason farther than just to fap or not to fap

    be strong and there are thousands of folks here who are fighting the same fight and can help you

    dont be afraid to stumble or even fall because we are here to pick you up again!
     
  13. Journeyer

    Journeyer Fapstronaut

    Hey there! Just keep reminding yourself that you are strong and you will overcome this. Your feelings will catch up later. You are strong and you will overcome this. Keep up the good work!
     
  14. chris3spice

    chris3spice Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the encouragement! I will keep going as far as I can!
     
    thorswrath32 likes this.
  15. I was lucky enough early on to get a few months of psychotherapy which did help but it was expensive, in the UK we have the NHS but even then you will wait for a long time and unlikely you will see a specialist, more a general counsilor. I would like to do some more therapy to explore things that happened in my childhood but at the moment i can't afford the £60 an hour fee. I never got into transgendered person porn myself but my using still took me to some very dark places.

    It's interesting what you say about envy, for me it's actually jealousy which i had a problem with. I can relate to being bullied and also not having your feelings reciprocated by girls when growing up, i think that has something to do with not being able to deal with rejection very well.
     
  16. chris3spice

    chris3spice Fapstronaut

    The $80 one up here is through the college where you go to psychology students learning and practicing. Most therapists up here are about $120 starting and go up to $180.

    Yeah I like to keep them distinct, I'm usually a pretty logical person so it helps when attempting to figure myself out... Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another where as Jealousy occurs when something we already possess is threatened by a third person
     

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