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Caught up in girl posts

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by E.liberated, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. E.liberated

    E.liberated Fapstronaut

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    I must admit I got pulled today into girl comments and threads. How tricky the mind is. No relapse but I got aroused. No m no porn. So I have to shake myself out and focus on my journey. I don’t know right dosage yet. I don’t want a sharp cut off but I also don’t want to get lost in it or dwell too much in it.

    What I like on this challenge is that I need to really be alert and present. So many places where one can loose or get tricked or trapped
     
    truthseeker17 likes this.
  2. You think it would have been better to not have shared this.
    Now some(girls) might feel a bit.. guilty.
    It seems they already having some problems with guys telling them to switch off avatars n stuff because they are "triggering "..
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  3. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    What are you trying to say? It's women's problems that men lust? The brave women who post thier journey in the women section should not have to be self conscious because we men are out of control. If you can't handle the heat get out of the kitchen! (No offense women, I don't mean you belong in the kitchen)

    @E.liberated you did 2 things right. First you recognized that lurking in women's posts are not good for you. That is brave and insightful. Now you can learn from your mistake. Draw up a boundary, and honor it.
    Secondly, you shared your missteps. Putting it out there and not keeping secrets helps stop the mystique of it all. Also sharing may help someone else from suffering the same pitfall.

    I commend you for your strength. WTG. U-turn for the win!
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2017
    The Wrestler likes this.
  4. Bubs it ain't your fault. If it were all guys here, let's be honest, nothing would have pulled you in.

    We are all in recovery here so these things happen.

    I had two accounts banned for this and I wasn't sexually harassing. Like you, I was pulled in.
     
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You weren't pulled in. You sought it out.

    There's always going to be women around. The internet will always be accessible.

    The problem is that you're spending your time trying not to relapse. You should be finding better things to spend your time on rather than trying to make sure you don't mess up.

    That's the problem with a lot of people that go through no pmo. They focus all their energy on not relapsing and racking up those days on their counter, but they don't replace the pmo habits with better habits and activities. So their life becomes about not relapsing rather than building the life they actually want.

    The right dosage is cold turkey. Don't try to justify easing into it.
     
  6. E.liberated

    E.liberated Fapstronaut

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    The women are totally fine. They are to be adored and respected and in no!!! way to be made responsible for the mans inability to deal with their nature and their beauty!!!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. Sardonic

    Sardonic Fapstronaut

    I don't mind admitting I am interested in every perspective on NoFap, including the female one. I have read some journals in every section on this site, and commented on some, and don't see a problem with it for me...
     
    u376 and E.liberated like this.
  8. E.liberated

    E.liberated Fapstronaut

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    I think that’s the problem women since aeons suffer. That men have a urge and a problem with dealing with it right and women have to be blamed and pay for it. Horrible.
     
    ..Anna.. likes this.
  9. I see nothing wrong with what @MentalRove wrote here. He's not saying it's a woman's problem that men lust. That thread that was all about female members causing others to relapse by having selfies as avatars was utterly ridiculous. If a simple photo of a woman's face causing someone to relapse... Well it's not her fault. I mean anyone who wants to relapse after just seeing a pretty woman's face needs to do some serious work on themselves.

    Not sure if the OP thought about how it would affect women if they happened to read this thread.
     
  10. You can't stare at the sun and then blame it for being too bright.
     
    Knighthawk, kropo82 and elevate like this.
  11. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    you are so right....... 100% agreed
     
  12. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure what most people expect when they go on their nofap process.

    They think that simply avoiding it is somehow going to fix their life. So they end up wondering why their life is still a wreck even though they have 200 days on their no pmo counter.

    The point is to make room in your life for better and more productive things that develop your reality. To let go of the escapism / instant gratification / constant cheap dopamine hits that tell you that life isn't so bad, but in reality it is and you need to do something about it.

    The point is to live in and experience reality. To see reality for how it is rather than the how it's supposed to be expectations that are distorted by porn.

    To be able to see that people aren't meant to be idolized. That there's nobody below or above you. Everyone is on the same level going through their own unique journey.

    You learn all this by solving and facing real problems. By going through positive and especially negative experiences in the messy, awkward, non ideal, uncertain, and painful world. People like to avoid negative experiences and so they become weak. They read 1000 books on success, watch 1000 motivational videos, meditate everyday, but they still avoid reality and facing the negative experiences required to develop their life.

    Why have a difficult conversation with somebody when I can watch a motivational speaker and take a cold shower instead? Why go through the uncertain process of gaining experience in socializing when I can hit the gym instead? Why risk the rejection of asking that person I'm interested in out when I can just try to decode his/her signals for the next few weeks just to make sure I don't feel pain?

    Now I'm not saying books, videos, gyms, cold showers, etc are bad. They're only bad if they're used as another way to escape facing reality.

    Negative experiences are necessary to develop your reality. Be honest with yourself, if you really need to watch that next motivational video or if you're just avoiding facing a real problem.
     
  13. Personally, as a woman (and you know how strongly I feel about the whole avatar thing), I have no issue with this thread at all. I don't think he should have to censor himself and not talk about a problem he's struggling with and get support for it just because it might make women feel guilty. Now, if he were going directly to women's journals and telling them their stuff was triggering him, THAT I would have a problem with, because that's unnecessary and doesn't help anyone. But this thread might be helpful for him, to commiserate with other people about that struggle and get some advice. If women feel guilty... well, that's unfortunate. They shouldn't, and he has made it clear that he isn't blaming women for his own lack of self control.
     
    elevate and Deleted Account like this.
  14. Very true! Reminds me of a great Ted Talk on addiction, by Johann Hari.
     
    u376 likes this.
  15. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Yup. Just because you shut yourself off from the world and avoid looking at anything that could potentially trigger you... does not mean that you're fixing the problem. Because the real world is full of sexual imagery. The real world is full of triggers. Triggers will always be triggers. The difference is made in taking responsibility for how you perceive and react to them.

    Looking for porn is easy to do. Fantasizing and idolizing other people is easy to do. Masturbating is easy to do. It's all easy and feels good. It's not easy to do when you realize that these things distort how you experience reality. It's not easy when you realize that your reality is being neglected and is a total mess. So depending on your perception of these things, you'll react differently.

    Do you have reasons for why going through nofap is worth it or is porn and masturbation better than anything else you've got going on in your life?

    So no... it's not other people's avatar that's at fault. It's not women's comments or threads. It's not that attractive person at work. It's not the internet's fault. It's not Satan's fault. It's not vaseline or baby oil's fault. It's your responsibility to choose how you perceive and react to everything in life.

    Does porn and masturbation still feel good to me? You're damn right it does, but it's not worth holding back the reality that I'm developing. Not worth neglecting the problems that I need to solve.

    Take responsibility for yourself.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. truthseeker17

    truthseeker17 Fapstronaut

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    It's okay to feel like that. I am glad you recognized it and stopped it. Remember, if you let it, you can even become horny by just looking at some cloud and let your imagination do the work. Know your weakness and once you know, work on it! Don't be afraid to post about your problems. You are here merely for help and success.
     
  17. Interesting topic.
    Question is what you drive to read especially girl comments.
    I bet..... you are longing for confirmation of women.
     
    Sardonic likes this.
  18. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    That's the most bullshit idea I've ever read on this forum! If it were all guys here, he would have found something, somewhere, because the problem is not having women on this site, the problem is the attitude that leads people to seek it out. Yes, it happens, even to me, but the problem is not women - they're going to exist wherever we go! The problem is how we, as men, respond and act. We cannot control them, only our own actions. And when we take responsibility, as men, for our actions and attitudes, we are capable of great improvement and great things.
     
  19. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    I've been there too, man. You're doing great at recognising what happened and how to prevent it in the future. Keep failing forward!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

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