I think the community might be missing something important. 'Reconditioning'

This is a very interesting post. I thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's especially refreshing to read about them from the perspective of someone with natural path (as opposed to conditioned-by-porn) fetishes.

I, too, arrived here for reasons similar to your own. I have multiple natural fetishes since childhood, amplified by 15+ years of fetish porn. This led to performance difficulties with a partner who is not into fetish material. I quickly learned that my natural fetishes will always be a part of me, but anything conditioned may fade with abstinence. I embarked on a hard mode streak in the hopes of growing some vanilla tastes that will complement my fetishes, even if they won't completely replace them. I wanted to not *need* my fetish material to perform.

My first shot at this led to my longest streak:
64 days PMO-free. Followed by a P-only relapse when I was desperate for some form of release.
102 days MO-free (includes aforementioned 64 days).

During that time, I am happy to report that my interest in vanilla sex grew tremendously. I did have sex a few times, but still not to a satisfactory level of performance. When I ended the 102 MO streak and ever since then, I have been able to MO only to vanilla thoughts with real-life people. I too am wondering about the reconditioning aspect of it all. I have to say, though, my fetish interests did not change and my mind still craves it.

For what it's worth, not once have I masturbated to fetish P in the 168 days since I started. The P relapse at day 64 was viewing only and I stopped myself before going further. There were sporadic P downloads for a few weeks after until I finally said enough, I am currently 56 days without any P. I tend to M about once a week now, and I only do it to vanilla thoughts.

I hope there is something to this reconditioning idea. I hope that this will lead to the ability to indulge with a partner in vanilla sex when I want to (or she wants to), despite the fact that I will always be turned on by my fetishes.

I am interested to hear about your journey as it progresses.

 

Thanks for this post. I also have a natural fetish, I guess, and my plan is to do NoFap without masturbation for at least 90 days. Then I hope that I weakened the dependence to fetish material a little bit, so that I can fap to vanilla phantasies.

 

Agreed, been on not using porn for 49 days and porn has vanished out of my mind and I'm attracted to normal women/see them as they are. I'm starting nofap now, but it's entirely different than with porn. It's been easier to deal with urges, I can look women without needy look or desire, and generally happy feeling, even though I'm just in day 2 here of MO.

When people here, who have not rewired their brain for normal women, start NoFap, when they relapse, they just go to porn, because that was the last sexual expression they had. Then they feel super bad.

Now, I'll go the MO road as well, because I think it will be beneficial.

 

Good points about reconditioning.

I too feel a similar way about the focus here to abstain from PMO with out much effort to combat the emotional and subconscious attachments as to why someone like myself has continued to watch porn and masturbate. For me I've watched porn for roughly 13 years... I know damn well my subconscious mind is not gonna reprogram it's self in 90 days........ I can abstain from PMO that long but, the underlying suppressed feelings will still remain and will have to be confronted in various psychological means. As far as your points on the semen retention, I've read similar articles saying you can still get the benefits it provides while fapping once or twice a month. For me, I rather just abstain for the time being since I feel those releases will send me back to square one.

 

Very interesting. I'm not a fetishist so I don't think I can relate directly to your experience, but during my more P-intense times I did find myself venturing away from vanilla porn in search of different (better?) stimulus. I can see how over time that desensitization can take over - again, not sure how that compares or relates to pre-pornography fetishes, but anyway, on to my actual point...

Your idea makes lots of sense, in my opinion. It synchronizes with dieting advice where they say removal of 'bad' food is not sustainable; instead replace the 'bad' food with something good, or at least 'less bad'. Craving sweets? Instead of a handful of candy, reach for raisins - that kind of concept. Further along those lines, in some dieting cases it's worth spending a couple weeks with zero sweets (even natural fruits) in order to recalibrate taste buds and hormonal effects of excess sugars; then re-introduce healthy, natural sweets into the diet regime.

The point of caution, though, is that re-introduction of the healthy sweets (or healthy sexual stimulation, in this case) carries the risk of re-triggering the urges as @Velvet_Rope97 mentioned. So, it's a function of how much time/abstinence leads to how much recalibration - obviously a very case-by-case question.

Great insight!

 

This is a really good analogy. Thanks for sharing. I can totally see that being applicable to my situation with natural fetishes. While I still crave the bad sweets (fetishes) and always will, I've taken a liking to the raisins (vanilla) and it's helped keep the bad cravings under control.

 

So..... if you've always been psychologically impotent and a P addict, rewiring with Asian massage and escorts would be a good and necessary part of recovery, right?

In my case for most of my life because of a raging anxiety disorder, although constantly attracted to women, I literally never imagined that I could touch a pussy, masturbate a woman, put my penis inside her, bond intimately with a woman.

Ever since I was a traumatised teenager, if I wanted to cum I'd think about small penis humiliation, premature ejaculation, impotence, rejection and cuckolding, and I would "masturbate" anally without touching my penis - while never thinking of cock, it's not a gay thing.

When I did see escorts in my 20s, I managed to cum a couple of times from vaginal penetration. Other times I couldn't get it up, or I could penetrate but couldn't feel anything and couldn't cum. I could always cum if I was jerking myself whilst eating a girl's ass, however. Then I fell into the PMO/poppers/femdom rabbithole and stayed away from live women.

Now I'm thinking that to rewire, I can save a lot of time by finding a friendly escort who I can see multiple times to work through my problems. In 5 years of trying to sort out my sex issues, it's been much harder doing it without allowing myself to experience physical touch - I'm still stuck in 'sexual anorexia'. I understand I need to connect to my own sexual energy and learn how to control it, and I don't necessarily need a partner's touch for that. But, dammit, it would surely be easier if I paid a professional to help me.

 

Knowing nothing other than what you've said here - my response is 'no, not really'. I'd suggest you dig deeper. Rewiring from P to asian massage and escorts is like replacing a crack addiction with heroin - doesn't really get to the root of the problem. You're closer to it toward the end with "need to connect to my own sexual energy and learn how to control it". My thinking is if you're willing to spend that much money paying a sexual professional - that money is better spent with a psychologist/psychiatrist type professional as opposed to an expert. What you describe in your post runs a lot deeper than just sexual energy, in my opinion.

 

My thinking is if you're willing to spend that much money paying a sexual professional - that money is better spent with a psychologist/psychiatrist type professional as opposed to an expert. What you describe in your post runs a lot deeper than just sexual energy, in my opinion.​

That's what I already did over the past five years . 40 hours of psychosexual therapy with a top expert + 40 hours of addiction/12 step recovery work with another top expert (media profile etc). And also 10 hours of EMDR and then 35 weekly sessions with a Gestalt therapist. Plus a few hundred SLAA and SAA meetings and countless sponsors and phone calls.

Yet now when I sit in an SAA meeting and I hear the guys announce what their bottom-line behaviours are, I never once hear a guy say "I have a problem with refusing to allow myself to have sexual thoughts. And I have a problem with a psychological block that stops me from ever pursuing sex."

Actually I do know one guy from SAA who is also on the porn-addict/drugs/sexual anorexia side as well. He goes to Thailand from time to time so he can experience intimacy. He says he emotionally bonds with the girl really quick (he says they can be really loving and really encourage it, true GFE even if you just met them in a bar) but then, when they want to go back to the bar to find their next john, it's a really big headfuck for him. But he still finds it better than celibacy and bottling up that energy.

Yes ultimately the goal is to find a healthy way to express it - a loving partner - but what if someone is too old to ever really be able to achieve that? When you're in your late 30s, 40s, 50s, and you've never had a relationship, who is there out there really that you're supposed to date?

Presuming that after looking at porn all these years you (I mean "I") wouldn't be attracted to a divorced 40 year old woman with 2 kids and a lifetime of relationships behind her. Or to a 35 year old who's really keen to have kids with me and settle down. I find it difficult to be attracted to a woman over 30, yet I don't have the social/financial/sexual status to appeal to those girls, plus I don't drink or go to bars or clubs..

So hookers seem like the only possible sexual outlet for me right now. And living in the city and seeing attractive women all the time, I'd rather have that as an outlet than stay home and jerk off like in all the years past...

 

I stand thoroughly corrected - and completely out of league I remember a short clip from an HBO special years ago about a prostitution house in Vegas; the show was profiling the business and whatnot - along the lines of a documentary, i guess. Anyway, there was a scene/section where this older fellow, 50's or 60's, i gather, was sitting on the bed after selecting his ... service provider ... and they were just chatting, getting comfortable. He was a widower, not many friends, not much of a social circle - and missed his wife, but acknowledging he's still alive and has sexual feelings and urges to express. I remember feeling true empathy for the man, and reaffirming my personal belief that prostitution should be legalized. It's really unfortunate that such a critical component of human existence has been bottled up and so many fences and rules around it have been put up when it's really a simple thing - or at least it can be simple.
So, I personally don't share your experience, but i understand at least intellectually. And, hell, you know you much better than i know you - so if you've tried all the "typical" ways of conquering whatever ails you and with no success, try something else!