Not emotional, is this normal?

Yes. The longer you go without PMOing the better. I did the same thing. Know I mite cry over a song I hear or even if I hear someone having a hard time.

 

I'm only 35 days PM out and 5 days O. I started getting my emotions and empathy back around day 9. It is off and on some days I'm like I used to be but slowly it's getting better. I have read of people taking up to 90 days before getting empathy back.

It's possible that you are flatlined at the moment. Flatlined make you feel nothing. It's your brain resetting. To help get rid of a flatline faster taking cold showers, exercising and I listen to music that makes me feel something.

 

It took my SO to about a year and a half for empathy to return.
So don't let it ruin your streak.
Good luck

 

That sounds a little unfair of your wife to be honest. She puts pressure on you to cry (saying that she won't believe you otherwise) and then when you do, because of course you want to prove to her that you're genuine, she says it felt too 'forced'? If crying about how bad you feel about the state of your relationship isn't enough for her, what is?

 

My husband seems to be getting more emotional when we talk about things. He’s starting to show he cares about the damage porn caused. But I wouldn’t be upset if he didn’t cry. That’s not the only indication someone cares.

He is about 60 days porn free but had a M wo P relapse on 12-12.

 

im single an ive been single hell a long but a month ago id say i started noticing movies i watch, are more enhanced to me, action movies are more exciting an sad movies make my eyes water, i nearly cry, imwondering what being in a relationship well be like again, ok thanks , bye for now

 

I think so. There are days were I have felt nothing all day. Then, when I see my wife I get excited.

 

I will confirm this as well, when I was flatlining I was still able to perform, and had attraction to my wife. It probably took a bit longer.

 

As for your cry. It does sound like you had some remorse, maybe not a full realization of all the things you’ve done to your wife through your abuse of PMO and the actual damage it’s done and the effect it has had on her. Many long hard conversations will be required for that. You need a thought or a reason to be sad, or at least a realization. Without that it is just depression. While some people think it’s not fair for her to criticize you having a good cry, it probably is. This is still very new to her, the wound is still fresh. She doesn’t know what to trust anymore, and has to question everything. This is where connection comes into play through vulnerability and honesty. You have to not only realize what has been done to the relationship (your cry), but what has been done to her (the remorse she is looking for).

I can say the brain fog is strong from PA. If you were like me, you led a very different reality than what you believe, and what you showed, and how you acted. I spent many nights discussing with my SO throughout my early Recovery asking questions and having her tell me who I really was while an addict. There were many moments of “did I do that?”, “what else did I do?”, “how did it make you feel?”. There is probably still much to learn for me, but I do know that all of it wasn’t who I am deep down inside, or how I want to live my life, or treat other people (much less my life partner). It certainly has helped me realize I was a dr. Jekyll, and the serum that created it was PMO. This is one of the strongest reasons I have resolved to never use P again. This disease of disconnection disconnected me from my core values, my soul, myself, and my passions. Of course it also ensured I couldn’t be connected to anyone else, especially those that mattered most. I hope you can find that connection back to who you are, and channel it to reconnect with your wife so she can also begin healing.

 

The post from @NF4L was really good.

The only thing I will add, specifically about what you said above...there are lots of things to be sad over:
1. the pain you (the PA) are feeling about the broken relationship / the distance between you and your SO

2. the shame/guilt about the years you secretly PMO'ed

3. your SO's pain and anguish (what THEY are going through and feeling)


Don't ever confuse #1 and #3 .. it is sometimes easy to do that. You need real empathy to identify with #3 -- and that is hard to do if you are internally battling #1 and #2.

..

I have a new thread brewing in my head titled "Turning 'Woe is Me' into 'Woe is my SO'" ... being able to put your own pain aside to focus on the pain your SO is feeling day in/day out is HARD work; it takes a daily reminder/a daily resetting to stay focused on your SO's pain.