Keep relapsing

So I just keep relapsing, and it's almost like I have no willpower to stop it. I end up doing it and when I do I don't even really try to stop myself. I know it's affecting me, but I keep doing it anyway. It's destroying my libido and I'm having to watch more and more "hardcore" porn in order to get off. It's an endless cycle. I honestly don't even know why I do it sometimes. I really have no desire to masturbate sometimes and yet I'll go and PMO anyway. I think it might be the fact that it makes me feel better. As soon as I PMO I get in a better mood, but porn is evil shit and it's not doing me any good whatsoever. I guess I either lack the balls or the sheer willpower to actually do NoFap. I can just imagine myself doing NoFap and actually staying away from porn and I know that it would do nothing but amazing things for me. I'd feel better about myself, be more positive, have less anxiety, less depression, and actually have a desire to go out and meet girls. When I'm PMOing, I don't wanna go out and talk to girls. It kills my libido and it makes me depressed, so I just sit at my house and PMO again either out of boredom or to feel a little better, then feel even worse. I have no self control. I'm just not taking it as seriously as I should be. I even feel the urge now, but I know that I'll just be doing damage to myself and it will only feel good for a little bit. Just figured I'd get this shit off of my chest. I'm honestly pretty ashamed that I keep coming back here and having to update my day counter.

 

That makes a lot of sense. Every time I relapse it's when I'm sitting at my house. If I'm out somewhere I have no desire to PMO. I just don't want to go anywhere sometimes. I have maybe 2 friends houses that I can go to, but I don't really like going to either one. I just have no interest in going out and doing anything, but at the same time I want to do something. It's insane. I forced myself to hang out at my friends house the other day and I ended up getting drunk and not doing much of anything, but at least I got out I guess. As far as interests go, I really love guitar, but I get tired of playing it too. I think I'm just depressed. It's not a bad depression. It's like Jim Carrey put it. It feels like a constant feeling of despair. I think it's the weather right now. I work nights and it's cold as a motherfucker where I'm at right now, so that is bringing my mood down. I don't see the sun often, it's WAY colder than it usually is this time of year, I don't have a girl in my life and I'm really not sure I want to just have casual sex right now because that left me feeling kinda empty. I feel like a puss saying this, but I think I want to have a relationship. Casual sex is fun and awesome, but I haven't even had a real relationship yet, just one time things. I think I was surprised at how it left me feeling honestly. That's probably why I turn to PMO. I'll be sitting at the house and I'll start feeling bad and I know that PMOing will help me feel better. It's crazy the dopamine that PMO gives you man. Absolutely insane. I need to replace the habit of PMO with something else, but I'm not sure what. I feel SO MUCH better when I'm not watching porn. Fuck it, I'm gonna try my hardest, but we'll see what happens. If I feel an urge, I'll try to replace it with something else.

 

Yeah I need to do it. I just keep failing. I even find myself thinking about the whole NoFap thing. I'll think to myself, "is this going overboard? I mean, I know porn is bad, but surely masturbation isn't bad." I think I'm still a little skeptical of NoFap. I know that porn is evil. I know that going without porn enhances my life dramatically. There's proof in the pudding and all that, but as far as masturbation goes, I'm not sure. I for one believe that masturbation by itself is just fine, but when you used to PMO it's incredibly hard to just masturbate without porn or without thinking of a porn scene. That's actually how I got back to where I am now. I just casually masturbated one night because it had been about 10 days since I had. If I had just done it once it would've been fine I suppose, but I kept doing it throughout the week and eventually I got back into PMO. The main enemy is porn. Period. I am completely fine until I start watching porn, then it starts to fuck me up.

 

I know man. My main problem is 4chan. I'll go there and browse and I'll find porn and I'll end up PMOing. I don't even know why I go there sometimes. Sometimes I'll just think of a porn video I've seen in the past and I'll go look it up and it all goes downhill from there. What am I gonna do? Watch porn and just close the browser? Haha, that's fucking hilarious. If I'm alone and I go watch porn, it's over. That's what I should avoid.

 

That's what I need to do. I'm gonna stay away from 4chan. There's nothing good there anyway.

 

Hell yeah I can do that. I guess today is day 1. So far so good.

 

Thanks man. I'll check out the videos.

 

Yeah I would think about taking a walk if it weren't 12 degrees Fahrenheit outside. It's never this cold where I am and it's been like this for 2 weeks. So yeah, I'm stuck inside hahaha. So far so good though. I've been smoking and I don't really feel like PMOing. Just chilling.

 

Damn, 19 is further than I ever got. I think I made it 14 days without PMO. Yeah man, I honestly believe masturbation by itself is completely fine and is normal, but it's just so easy to slip back into porn. I didn't even want to watch anything for about 2 weeks, but it just kinda happened one day. I think I'll try to lay off of everything for a little while, then just stay away from porn.

 

sorry to hear of the recent relapses VS.

what i find really helps is to write down all the reasons you wanna stop PMO
as well as all the negative things it does for you.
when the urges come look over that list
as a reminder of why you want to change.

as cold as it is id still try to get outside (provided of course youve got some warm gear)
the cold air is great as it redirects your focus. at least that's what tell myself lol
to be extra safe just start with real short walks



All the best VS!

 

I think I'll clean around the house. It's too fucking cold outside for me haha. I'm one day down now. I thought about PMOing last night, but I avoided it.