Failure?

I feel you man, im in the same situation turning things around, also 20y and did not filled all expectations of my family/relatives (car, job, money...) and never did well with people, in 2016/17 i was completly lost and depression was starting to kick in, i felt horrible, just a sad, fat and lost guy at college, finding comfort in food and videogames (yes i was that guy), watching my friends succeeding at the gym/work and i really though about ending it all.

When you cant do things and keep thinking about how you could have been if you took a different path, did something different, i wanted to go back to the past so bad to change decisions and opportunities i never took, all the time i lost and all the happiness i never felt, all that fear got to me.

But man, i didnt wanted to feel sad and lost anymore, i think that what we have to realize in our 20's is that nothing is lost, we probably spent 14/15 years of our lives without any chance of working or even knowing what we were doing, we still have all the time in our hands to change our lives and battle for it, 20y is just the begining of our journey.

What i started doing and what i hope you do too is to take the first step, if you want to change you have to start doing it, to be the strong and fit person you have to go to the gym, learn the movements, learn about dieting, your macros, how much food between the day, if you want money for your car you need a job, what do you want to do? You need a degree? Work for it.

I started and im turning things around, dropped some weight, i saw my abs for the first time, best feeling and best motivation ever, cut my long hair and i just feel a lot more comfortable around people, got a small job just to help with house bills until i finish college, the car can wait a little longer maybe i need a job that pays more lol, but again, i have to work for it, we... have... time...

See what you want to become, visualize it and go for it, determination is the key word, take the first step, just please dont stop, depression can leave you in a hole so deep that one day you might not get out of, i lost a friend for it, and i wish i could go back and help, i learned so much that i know i could have saved him.

Sorry for the long text but i can relate so much with what you are going through, you are not a failure brother, dont you ever say that to yourself, you can work it out, take the first step.

 

I could understand you a bit. I've also live depression a bit. It wasn't severe as yours, long for 1-2 days a couple of times.

What feel was disappointment. I feel like everybody have lied to me. I lied in the bed and feel like I'm dead. I didn't want to do anything except for non-existence. I wanted to be non-exist because I'm so alone. I'm single never had a girl friend never had sex. I'm working from home with a team but when I need help nobody can help me in my business most of the time. I'm just alone to do the things in both work and life. My parents are really strange. They only care about If I'm hungry or not that's it. When I shout them "I AM ANGRY" they don't ask WHY. They don't ask if I need help. They just let me alone. That's it. They are really strange.

In Turkey most of the middle aged people get married with a guidance from their parent. When I was in university I said I will marry with a good girl just like my parents did. They will find a me a good girl to marry after I got a job. I got the job but guess what happened. NOTHING. I even tell my mother that I will find a girl because you are not doing anything. She said just OK. I really don't understand what the fu*k is happening? People who all married with their parents' guidance does not give shit about their children in this subject. They just said finish your school, find a job, go to military service, what about Master, PHD? FU*K YOU FU*K FU*K

Every normal man just want to have sex and want to have a girlfriend/family. Why they ignore this? I really don't understand.

Ok after all the bad things here is my recovery process. I'M NOT GONNA give a shit about what they should do. I'm gonna do my own job I'm gonna take risk I'm gonna make a girl friend, and make money. I'M GONNA DO EEEVERYTHING. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74BzSTQCl_c
Adults are responsible from his/her own life and actions

I know a girl which I could marry but I just see her something like once a year. I could reach her online or with friends but I want to look at her eyes and be sure that she has a good heart. I have some money I will make small investments to a green energy company. I also want to build a etherium mining rig. I'm also planning to take free a course from coursera about approximation algorithms. I also reading a book about algorithms. I also want to success 100 day PMO challenge which I never did.

sorry for the long post. This forum gives me power. I see that I'm not alone. You are not alone. We can help each other. I really like to help a anyone.

 

Go to the gym. This always helped me when I was feeling depressed.

Also, 20 years is not that much. There is some shame in not being able to get a job, but it is perfectly normal. There are millions of 20 years old guys without school, job or car. Focus on finding a job.

 

I think going to gym will help. But if you want do just body exercise push up, sit up and breathe exercises are definately sufficient. Also cold showers are fun

 

Realise you are only 20, stop judging yourself, stop comparing yourself... how many 20yr olds out there are unemployed, broke, addicted to drugs, internet, video games or partying?

Figure out what you want to do and fucking do it. Period.

 

I always thought that too, "im not going to start until my diet is set and someone can help me with it" , but just by starting its way way easier, because you are already there now you just have to improve in what you are doing and in other areas diet/form, and that will come by default, you get the drive to search and go after what you want depending on your goals, and youtube, google, people in the gym and those crazy fitness guys actually help a lot, its so easy to pop your phone in the gym and search for whatever you need, making friends help too sometimes just by sharing a machine you can meet new people and ask for theyre help.

Job = important and for us in our early 20s can equal financial freedom, go after one

 

Yes young man you can make it! When i was your age i lived at my moms, had no job, no drivers license, hadnt finished school and was generally very low. Bit for bit i got myself on track with studying, getting the license and so on.
In between i was at home alot depressed.

The things you accomplish can never be taken away from you, so just take it at the pace that works for you. Do not let thoughts that are painful stop you, just lower the pace, adapt and take care of yourself!

 

Yeah, it depends a lot on the job, i had worked as intern and as a worker for some time now, some are easier on us who are just starting, and others are brutal, search well, call the place first and even ask employees there on theyre opnion on the establishment, you will feel a lot better when you can trust the place.

And i dont want to sound cliché but, failing is normal man, just dont take your failure as a lost battle, everything can be worked out or fixed these days, dont let that stuff put you down.

 

You aren’t a failure, you’re a bag of meat, shit, and bone. Just like me. Just like every other mammal. But you’re also the awareness of the meat, shit, and bone. Take care of your animal and it will do great things.