1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Escalation of MO Addiction

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by C35, Jan 16, 2018.

  1. C35

    C35 Fapstronaut

    10
    74
    13
    Hi, friends at nofap.

    I wanted to share a little bit of my story with you. Sixth grade was the first time I ever masturbated. I rubbed a blanket in between my thighs and it felt good and I don't know if I even ejaculated but I know my penis was fully erect. At school a few weeks after, I was looking up images to use for a school project and searched pineapple on clipart, supposedly a school-safe image website. Some pictures of girls with bikinis holding pineapples came up and I was amazed by them. I wanted to see more so when I went home that day I searched things like "naked woman" and "girls in bras" because I was curious and attracted to girls for the first time. I began masturbating by using a stuffed lynx my uncle gave me and regularly looking at the picture of Princess Leia in my star wars book or a picture of Kate Upton in a magazine to get off. Little did I know, but I was starting an addiction. I was scared to tell anyone but I did end up telling my mom and dad what I had done and told them I would never do it again. (a likely story, I know). For 8 years now I have been addicted to porn and masturbation but I did have a time period of 325 days where I abstained from P but not MO. In the last few years, my masturbation tastes have gotten weirder and weirder and more and more harmful to my physical and mental/emotional health. For example, starting a few years ago, I started fantasizing about sucking my own penis. I ended up trying to do it and barely licking it the first time. I vowed to never do it again but soon after kept trying and actually was able to kind of give myself a blowjob and cum in my mouth. I hated it but loved the high I got from it. I began getting bruises on my upper back because of the position I would use to achieve my goal. My mom noticed and I was embarrassed and didn't tell her. I began having wet dreams where I would have my full mouth around my cock and be ejaculating into it. I would wake up feeling dazed and confused because of my strange urges. During this time and a little bit after, I began experimenting with fingering my butthole and also sticking things into it/rubbing things on it to ejaculate. It hurt a little at first but felt really good so I kept doing it. Recently I looked up ejaculating dildos because I was fantasizing about sticking one up my butt. Anal is dangerous because of bacterial infections from anything you stick up there and also it's painful! But I lusted for something to stick up my butt to help me get off. I say all of this to make the point that masturbation is an escalating behavior. In my experience, it starts out as harmless and gets more and more dangerous and weird. My tastes get skewed as I do it more and begin to crave things that I don't want or that hurt me. This post is for anyone who thinks that masturbation/orgasm isn't addictive. I haven't MO'd for 21 days and it has been harder than giving up porn for me. I crave it and have strong urges but I'm trusting the process. I hope you will too.
     
  2. You are very courageous for opening up like this with such brutal honesty. You will be a lot more likely to have success bringing these things into the light. We are here supporting you brother.
     
    C35 and Marcothebest_1995 like this.
  3. Marcothebest_1995

    Marcothebest_1995 Fapstronaut

    519
    774
    93
    Oh my God... That escalated pretty quickly I suppose.
    I know very well the escalation of MO, in my case I did not arrive to do what you did but the level was the similar or maybe worse!
    What I experienced is that a full relapse on MO is enough to start again your dirty fantasies, despite you do not watch porn in the process.

    Your experience is an alert for everyone else.
    I will teach my son, when I will have one, the dangers of masturbation and why porn is harmful.

    Congratulations for your streak, make it a choice you take every day because you need this to heal your injuries
     
    Deleted Account and C35 like this.
  4. C35

    C35 Fapstronaut

    10
    74
    13
    Thanks man, I appreciate the support. It's all about bringing things into the light in order to be healed from them.
     
  5. C35

    C35 Fapstronaut

    10
    74
    13
    Yes, I agree. Although the escalation did happen over time, it didn't take too long to start developing these unwanted desires. I hope my testimonial will help as sort of a red flag to anyone who thinks masturbating without porn is fine. I imagine that some people have had very different experiences with MO than me, but I also think my experiences could also be relatable to others. Also, that's awesome. If you are able to be open and honest with your son in a loving way, you can set him up for success in this area in an area a lot of parents may neglect in today's world.
     

Share This Page