hello, and how did i get here

howdy,
'nother new guy here

i am 43, married (once) for 14 years (somehow)
with a 8, 10, and 12 year old.
i am a physician
i am an addict
I HAVE PORN INDUCED ERCTILE DYSFUNCTION

i found this place, after reading all of Gary Wilson's book "Your Brain on Porn", and watching six of his youtube videos. Initially, i found gary's site thanks to an interview he did with robb wolf on robb's paleo podcast. (yes, food, overeating and obesity are other addictions i am battling)

actually the weight loss and getting healthier comes at the perfect time, simultaneous with finding the NoFap (is it a movement, yet?), as the getting healthier part gives me a cover behind which to hide as to 'why my dick started working again'.
more on that later.

i will soon start a journal, outlining my PMO history, by life stages.
not really sure if i fit the "older guy" who came to high speed internet porn later in life, and hence can kick his piED easier/quicker, since his brain was less plastic and malleable upon beginning such exposure, . . .
or if i fit more of the "younger guy" profile, because of the early age i started "doing" and "enjoying" things, even though hey weren't via BROADband.
more on THAT later, in my journal.

funny, has anyone ever wondered why high speed / "BROADband" interned has the word "Broad in it"??? its like the internet was MADE for porn.

anyways, i am very glad to learn all i have already learned, to have found gary's site and book, and to have found nofap.org

i have tried to quit whacking it to porn, so many times, and failed so many times.
the guilt, shame, feelings of worthlessness, feelings that i'll never beat it (pun intended),...have been immense. to the point of lots of idle thoughts of suicide. Not to say I'd ever do such a thing, but in the process of feeling sorry for myself, I felt I'd rather be dead now, than carry this addiction around for another 30-40 years.

it was great learning about edging, and chaser effect.
many a time after finishing up with my wife, i'd immediately go whack it whilst she was showering afterwards.

there have been times i went six (maybe eight?) weeks, with no P, no M, and no O.
but then after a bad day at work, or some other stressor, (or maybe just feeling depressed for whatever) I'd whack it "JUST ONCE" for a little pick-me-up, ... and i'm falling off the wagon again.
now feeling more shame for being so weak.

i am a physician, and hence, have a fairly scientific mind,
but objectivity flies out the window when dealing with one's own case
i am also a christian, and i think that that has shaped a lot of how i felt about my PMO dependance and i KNOW my PMO addiction has had dramatic NEGATIVE influences on my faith.

i am fap-free, porn free, and porn-substitute free, today, for at least eight days, (maybe a few more, i can't recall specifically. but i am using october 1st as a "HARD" and fast date).
it has been an hour since i imagined (albeit, briefly) having sex.

journal forth coming...
please help me sort out to what degree i fall into gary wilson's older guy vs younger guy profile,
as i want to have some expectation as to when i may have the piED "BEATEN"
I can't resist the puns, sorry.

all for now, as i wanted to get this started, receive a little feedback
try to get a "counter" for the bottom of my posts.

thanks,
jasper

 

so i set up a pro tracker/counter
cut and pasted it into my signature box, on the settings page,
and i pressed save changes

but it isn't showing up on my post when i recheck it.

i went back to settings,
the url is still there, and a preview of the tracker is there above the url,
but it isn't showing up on my post,

what to do?
jasper

well,
never mind,
there it is, now that i posted a second post.

 

wow
i had to go to page SIX of this newbie sub forum, to find my thread
lots of new guys
THAT'S AWESOME.
still haven't looked at porn since 9/30/14, or even a few days BEFORE that

feeling good
awoke with a semi-woody yesterday (first in a while)
so i took advantage of it, and MO'd (still NO p)
but i only envisioned my WIFE, and not some porn flashback, or nurse from work, or chick at the gym, or some MILF i saw whilst picking the kids up at school.

home alone right now, and kinda bored
two MAJOR triggers
so wanted to get on here, and post a moment. to ward things off
just heard wife get home
gotta go