ED for 4 years, no idea if porn related

Hey everybody,

First post here, I am not entirely sure if it is the right place in the forums or even if I have my place here for starters.
I am not sure my problem is due to porn. But I have the side effects many of you have.

This will not be an easy post to write but at least I don't know any of you so it is easier to tell the truth.

I stopped fapping on the 24th December 2017.

I am a male 30 years old.
My first experience with masturbation was on magazine LaRedoute when I was 13. Just picturing the legs of these models would give me natural cravings and I had to grab the catalogue to watch it in my bedroom.
Not so long after I switched to porn on internet but not going hardcore, still a respectable number of times a week.
I have been masturbating ever since to porn, mostly from pictures less from videos. A lot of my content was the same (same photo sets and movie scenes). I was just reviewing my catalogue: "I will do this one today, I have not done it with her for a few months".
But the turning point was when I lost my mother in 2014.
I was in university and suddenly shut myself in my apartment. I would not go out, show my face to the world, I lost friends because I was not answering, I would be scared when the phone was ringing or even more the doorbell would give me panic attacks. I would no wash myself or my apartment. I would not leave the apartment for a haircut or to refill the fridge for way too long because I did not want people to see me because I was scared and ashamed.
Since I was just staying home, I did not do much apart from sitting on my computer.
I was masturbating even more since then. I think the average was 1 per day, obviously sometimes more or less.

At some point in 2015, while playing a video game I met a girl, that I never saw in my life. We felt a connection and rapidly we started a long distance relationship.
Often when we were talking on the phone, she would ask me to go to bed so I masturbate with her.
The first times were very satisfying but then after 2 months when she was asking me to go to bed I was thinking "Oh no, I don't really want to", but I would still do it.
My orgasms were delayed, she was ready and I needed to masturbate for so much longer. My erections were not full at this time, maybe in the first minutes but then they were at 50-70%.

The same thing happens with porn.

Also, since I met this girl I became addicted to a video game, League of Legends.
And this game drives me crazy to the point I feel extremely mad when one of my team mates is the reason we lose the game. I can play more than 10 games a day, on a daily basis, each of them is 30min long roughly. I lose in 50% of these games so I get mad and scream in many occasions.
I noticed a change in myself since I started playing this game.
Losing a game is one of the reasons for me to open the browser and fap so that I forget about the defeat and release my bad feelings.

What change I noticed:
Before 2014, I would come to my parents home for Christmas for example and so I was away from my computer. I was without porn for 1-2 weeks and I would feel an urge at any moment. I liked it, I felt natural at this time, I felt human.
I was so eager to come back to my apartment that sometimes I left a few days earlier than expected. The day I was coming back to my apartment I was thinking about browsing porn while in the train.

Although for Christmas and New Years Eve I spent the holidays with my father and I did not feel the same cravings as before, not as strong and I miss it because I feel like I should get those.
Yes I was browsing some girls, actually some escorts on my phone at night (I did not masturbate, I just watched and touched myself, but never completed).

For example I remember one time,
I was in the car in the evening in winter, my mother was driving. She parked the car in front of a supermarket and told me she would be back in 10 minutes or so.
When I was alone in the car, I was picturing myself having sex with a girl, and I was thinking about those girls I have in my memory from porn. I got a strong erection pushing in my jeans, I remember it, that was in December 2013.
Now, if I picture girls, or even a bare ass, or naked skinny legs, I don't get anything.
Worse, If I watch some porn, I don't get anything.
I have to touch myself, to masturbate while flaccid to get an erection. And this erection is strong at the beginning but then it is not so strong. And it becomes stronger right before I get an orgasm.

I feel like many people here have urges and erections thinking about porn, or viewing porn (not by touching themselves), but I don't anymore and I feel like my case is worse than yours to the point I am wondering if i can go back to normal.

The reasons why I was fapping changed:
It was not by natural urge or random sudden envy.
It was by boredom or because I was scared or angry.

My typical masturbation routine was very unique:
I was multi-tabbing at least 20 to 30 minutes and fapping this whole time and it could last 2 hours.
I was chosing the one during this whole time.
And when I was convinced I found the one I gave it a chance.
Let's say it is a picture set of 16 photos, I take the one I like the most and I call it the winning picture.
I was generating a number between 10 and 30, in percent and multiplied it to the number of photos in the set.
So, if I got 30, then 16 x 30% = 4.8, so 5.
The girl had 5 chances to make me fap.
I would open the photo set in Windows Picture Viewer, set it to random and if the winning picture was in the first 5 pictures the girl would win.
It could get much more complicated and could last hours.

What I feel sometimes:
It is hard to describe but sometimes when I think of a girl or see a girl I like I feel a sensation in my tummy, under my abdominals, a sort of hot and pleasant feeling. But it doesn't trigger an erection but I think they are linked. Like this sensation is what comes before the erection. I remember always having this sensation before having envy.

Morning woods:
I don't remember having morning woods when I was masturbating daily. When I had one I was so happy that I would straight go to my computer because they don't stay long if I think about something else.
Since I stopped fapping, I got my morning woods back during the first week.
I have several erections in the night. One time in the beginning of the month, I woke up 7 times, I had 7 erections that night.
These erections are strong, if I slightly move the bed sheet on my dick, my erections becomes stronger, more straight for 1-2 seconds, as if it wanted to go further. I can do this movement myself with my pelvic muscles I think, but sometimes my erections are strong enough to do it by itself as I explained.
Although I don't have erections in other situations since I started. Just when I started falling asleep sometimes.
Only 1 time I started having an erection while watching the tv, I was not thinking about it, or watching anything related to it. It started but it was not completed.

Dreams:
Another thing I noticed is that I now recall my dreams way better and frequently.

Wet dreams:
I had not had wet dreams in years maybe and since I stopped fapping I got 7 of them. Now what I call wet dream is not necessarily a dream in which I am actually having sex with a girl. But I also take those dreams in which I have a girlfriend and she talks to me and I see she likes me. As long as their is woman attraction I take it as a wet dream because I feel I have the desire for the girl in the dream.

One situation last year:
I remember in January 2017, I was working on a university project in group with 2 girls. We were to meet in the apartment of one of them to work for a couple hours.
I think but I am not sure about it, I was trying to stop porn at this time but not longer than a month.
We were sitting on a sofa discussing the project. I was not attracted by them but at some point I had a random erection, so firm that it was pushing up in my jeans. I can remember it because I was getting anxious if one of them would see it.
I don't remember having erections randomly in the bus or anywhere else and it really scares me. And I think if I had it would be 30%.
I was addicted to porn the whole year after that.

The motion of my erections:
Before, I remember perfectly how my erections would take form before.
The first 50% would come slowly, by small movements, then I would release it fully in a second to complete the last 50%.
Now, I get a 30% that struggles to stay at this level and falls very easily.

Today and what frightened me a bit, I was watching some live streams randomly and I stumbled on a stream of a very hot girl, cosplayer with big breasts you know the type of girl. Although I really want to have sex with her, I did not feel anything down there.
On a side note I don't watch anything porn related and I try to avoid watching girls on screen.

On a side-note:
I noticed since 2015 that my sack (skin of the scrotum) was red and itchy and the feel and the texture was different from before. Like the skin is thinner now. It is not in the same form as before, the way it makes the stripes when you are cold after leaving the bath for example. And it is constantly wet and hot.
Also the skin of my penis itself darkened a lot.

I don't know if my ED is related to porn, I don't know if my problem mentioned just before is related to it.
I thought that I might get answers here if I was writing this all.
So I hope some of you have read this far and help me get this through.

Is my story similar to the common of people here?
Can I ever get back my erections like before?

Anything will help.
Thanks

 

Thank you for your answers.

My mood is not great at all, i have not described my life enough but it is a living cell.
I am still a student because I am stuck with not getting an internship that I must have outside my country to be valid. No matter how many interviews I had on skype they won't take me, I will apply again today or tomorrow since I stopped during holidays.
Also I don't have friends since 4 years, never been an easy going guy, party guy, so I basically live in my apartment running in circle.

As I said in my first post I am not sure if it is porn related or psychological.
I have some psychological problems I think, I will describe them.

The death of my mother:
I don't know the impact it had on me, as I am not sure if it still has an impact now. I don't overthink about her as during the first year, just sometimes.

Social panic attacks:
I have some social panic attacks sometimes when I am outside and if I do something weird and I see someone noticed it I will get a very unpleasant feeling.
On my whole body, except my legs, I start feeling stingers everywhere and if I don't scratch them it tingles and hurts then and it leaves red patches on my affected areas on my skin for a few minutes.
The stingers make me think of needles that hit my skin and the pain stays for 5 to 10 minutes if I don't scratch my body over and over.
But, since I was with my dad in another city, I never felt it even though I was with people I didn't know. It looks like the more I socialize or the more I go out the less frequent I will get this annoyance.
I remember last year when I was going to the gym every day I wouldn't feel it for months, then I stopped and shut myself in the whole summer and the moment I went outside to buy food I got it back.

Scared of hurting myself on the glans penis:
I had a phimosis for 24 years before I went to the hospital to cut a little bit of the end of the foreskin so I could reveal my glans while flaccid and while erect.
But first it looks like it is still a bit tight. When I am erect I have to pull the foreskin a bit harder than I should I think, then once the foreskin is the behind the corona the foreskin will form a kind of tire around my penis and will be stuck unless I push the foreskin toward my glans.
Here is a picture of what I am trying to explain:

The red part is my foreskin pulled back behind the corona, it looks like a tire as I said. I don't if I have too much of foreskin or if it is normal looking.
Then, my glans is very sensitive even in bath it hurts so much if I touch it underwater. It is like I have bruises all around my glans, like it triggers alerts until I stop touching it.
I don't know if that is normal but it makes me uncomfortable with having sex with the foreskin pulled.
I never was masturbating with my foreskin pulled.
And the dates kind of coincide, I had this little operation in 2012, I was still masturbating with my foreskin covering the glans, trying not to touch my glans and I noticed my problem in 2015.
And yes it is hard to say but you guessed, I am still a, very ashamed, virgin.
That is why I was browsing escorts and I have been for 3 years but I never had the guts to do it so it is just fantasy now.

Life situation stuck:
As I said earlier in this post, my situation is stuck.
I am still a student, I have to find my internship and write my memoire to finally have my diploma and get the hell out of this apartment in which I learned by phone the death of my mother.
My apartment is really a nightmare, I live almost in the dark and have poor hygiene because I have such a low self-esteem.
I didn't have poor hygiene when I was with my father's apartment, I had the motivation to take care of myself and think positive "I will make 100 push ups, 100 pull ups, etc everyday, I will also look for an internship again." But when I am back in my apartment I get lazy, lonely and sad without goals again and it takes me a lot of will power and courage to go on the jobs platforms to find the internship.
Speaking of League of Legends, I am still addicted, I got permanently banned yesterday out of toxicity. Yes it was driving me so mad that I was very toxic. I was not before playing this game this game made me so nervous.
I don't have friends and I can't make new. My way of thinking prevents me from making new friends because I don't know how to make them again.
I only go out to refill my fridge or get a haircut basically, before I was going to the gym but I was not talking to the dudes, all bulked, or worse to the girls even though I definitely wanted to talk to 2 of them. But how to say that I want to friend, go out with them, spend time with them, (not specifically have a relation with them) ? I can't.

So, all to say that I am not sure if my ED (or DE? I don't know the difference) is caused by porn or some other psychological thing.
I repeat myself, I don't get excited by normal porn or softcore pictures anymore, I have to touch myself to start it while viewing it.

I would really appreciate if you could help me see this through, to determine the real cause.
Thank you again for reading if you made it this far.