Is there more to life than girls and on a different note,sex?

I'm struggling with these ideas myself, I used to consider sex the only thing I cared about, then I realized I had a problem and got a new outlook on life... yet I still feel that I don't know what to do with my life, I don't know what to pursue, after all PMO is all I would care about (other than videogames)

 

I've also thought a lot about this. Great question. I think there are many important things in life that go beyond sex and romance, though each of them takes discipline and some soul pain. What I see us doing here in NoFap is learning the discipline to open ourselves to these larger things.

TL;DR

Go out and date. Get some romance. Learn how attraction works.
Invest in your career. Learn how money works. Train your mind and get knowledge.
Consider finding love and having a family.
Be social. Be political. Find a cause and get involved.
Get wisdom.

Sex with oneself is the easiest pleasure to achieve. Infants already have sexual urges and masturbate. (Can a fetus masturbate?!) Not a lot of effort needed there. Sex with partners goes a step further. Here you need to think about the dynamics of attraction and relationships. It's easy to get rejected and the risk of feeling pain is higher. So the anxiety goes up, but the pleasure is much stronger too. It's not just physical but emotional. Having a partner really into you, playing the dating game, sexual innuendos, crossing boundaries together - all of this is great fun.

I believe there are many higher pleasures than sex and romance. The difficult thing about them though, they don't bring the same ecstasy that sex does. So if you're hooked on PMO, it's hard to turn your mind away from that pleasure and focus on something higher. Sex with self is immediate consumption. Everything beyond that takes investment, and that means discipline.

Another big part of most people's lives is their work. This can bring enormous satisfaction. You feel useful, you help people meet their needs, you get paid. Some people get really successful, and that means status, power and lots of money. To get there, you need to learn how to attract money. That takes setting aside immediate pleasure and developing your mind. It also takes positive thinking and self-acceptance. The pleasures of money and power are not sexual, but they can be just as strong. Strong enough that some people get addicted to them. One reason work can be so satisfying and addictive is that it gives an outlet to the aggressive instinct. You get to compete with others and win over them (if you're dedicated), in a way that doesn't land you in jail but in fact gets you status and recognition. People who would have been soldiers, warriors and generals in the past become investors and CEOs today. That's because war brings pleasure.

If romance becomes family, you have the 'pleasures of the hearth'. Now you're managing a household, raising kids, maintaining a long-term relationship. Sex is (hopefully) a part of the mix, but there's a lot of responsibility too. You need to discipline yourself and give your time to others - not for money or status but out of love. So where's the pleasure here? For one there's the warmth of the family itself. It comforts you, welcomes you, helps you take the load off. If you're fortunate and you've found real love, you're accepted unconditionally for who you are. This can be a huge satisfaction and relief when you're out all day in a world of people looking out for themselves. To many folks children are their biggest pleasure in life. The reason is, here's a person you've brought into the world out of your own body who will keep living after you die. They are a part of you that will live on when you're gone. When you get on in years and come close to the end of your life this kind of thing starts to matter a lot. The last time I saw my great uncle, he sat me down in his living room and said, "Listen, I want to tell you something. My biggest regret in life is that I never started a family. If I could change one thing, I would go back, find a wife and have children." He was in his 80s at that time. He had spent his whole life married to his work.

For most people there's a need to be social. You hang out with friends, go to church, volunteer. You join NoFap. You're an equal part of something alongside others who are like you. This makes you feel like you're accepted and belong. The reason NoFap works is that we all share the same problem and can say "Me too" to each other. That's a powerful pleasure in itself. When you stick to NoFap, over time this social pleasure replaces the sexual pleasure of PMO and weans you off the addiction. Political pleasures fall here too. Working with others to achieve a collective goal can be hugely rewarding. Find a cause you care about and get involved. This will open your heart and make you feel at home in the world.

Wisdom is also a pleasure and worth pursuing. Some say it's the greatest pleasure of all. Knowledge teaches you how things work. It gives you power and will help you be successful. Wisdom is different. It tells you what is important in life. The question you're asking is a question about wisdom. You get wisdom by experiencing each of the other pleasures and then learning to let it go. When you surrender something you're attached to, a void opens in your soul. Wisdom is learning to look into that void and to accept what you see.

Beyond this there is perhaps something higher. Some say we can have a mystical connection with the divine. We can feel one with the universe around us, which gives us a feeling of eternity. The disconnect of distance falls off. The death and decay of time disappear. Who knows if this is possible? In any case, it's time better spent than PMO in front of the computer. So stay strong and keep up NoFap, because you're on a good track!

 

There could be more to it, but what exactly is wrong with appreciating sex and women??

If that's what people want at this point of their life, then who are any of us to look down on them or judge their lifestyle choices?

Live a religious / spiritual / successful / cultured / world traveling / heart warming / impactful life, but don't look down on others.

 

There is, but facebook, instagram, snapchat and all manner of leftist social media channels would not have you know that.

 

There are people who are asexuals and are completely okay with that life. I envy the simplicity that they will enjoy in contrast to the complications that come with most people pursuing romantic relationships and sex.

 

I think the desire and pursuit of a woman isnt just a purely sexual thing, its also a desire for companionship and intimacy with the opposite sex besides just the sexual aspect. I mean what grown man likes being dateless unless its by choice?

 

Hell yeah !

Sex and girls are only a very very small part of life. Once you get enough sex you stop caring about it. Life is so much bigger than women and sex.

 

Absolutely lol most people use sex as a for of validation or use it to make it happy but we all have learned from are pmo addiction how living solely based of desires and wanting is the root of suffering sex is healthy but I only think when it's with the right person and I personally see how I was obessed with getting laid using external things to fill a void is never sustainable I've learned that self improvement and my purpose and God and family are all more important than having casual sex at this point in my life our semen is our life force and I've decided I don't want to waste man unless I'm in a committed relationship that enhances me and my future wife's life

 

Both are lust you can't love someone unless you get to know them instead of making up mental movies based off physical attraction I'm only speaking from my experiences and your easier to control when you are driven based off desire

 

Neil Strauss's life helps to put this issue in perspective IMO. He's the guy who wrote The Game and popularized the seduction lifestyle. He slept with tons of women and had tons of relationships. Then he had a huge breakdown and went into recovery (basically NoFap on steroids). Later he wrote a book (The Truth) about getting out of that lifestyle and finding family values. There's an article on him by The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/10/neil-strauss-the-game-book-truth

Here's a quote:

“It used to be that, if I wasn’t OK with myself, she was going to make me OK with myself – because she’s beautiful, because she likes me. But if she doesn’t like me or respond to me, then I’m not OK, I’m a failure. The goal now is really to be OK with yourself, to not need anything else. And maybe once you’re OK with yourself, you can see people as they are, without them having to give commentary on who you are or what your status is.”

I think he's saying a lot of people use sex and relationships for the illusion of self-esteem. Sex and love are huge feel-good experiences. It's easy to get addicted to them and start defining oneself through them. If someone's in that boat, the only thing they can do in a relationship is take from the other person. I'd say this is why so many marriages fail these days. And that's what being a pick-up artist is all about. PMO falls in the same category. None of it brings real satisfaction. You end up more depressed than you started. It's the same addiction in different forms: porn, masturbation, sex, attraction, relationships, love. When a person doesn't genuinely value themselves inwardly, they easily get addicted to strong sensations like sex and romance (or drugs or alcohol).

There are things in life that give real lasting satisfaction. Getting there takes learning to accept oneself and love oneself. Once you have self-acceptance, you can let go of your dependency on external things. Then you have something in you that you can give to others. I think that's the journey we're all on over here.