Is it so wrong to want?

Follow your desires fully without attaching your self worth to outcomes.

The more you go for it, the more you'll get rejected, but also the more you'll find success.

Dating / finding a companion is a numbers game.

Aim for 50 rejections out of a 100 attempts rather than 1 rejection out of 3 attempts.

No, it's not wrong to want a companion. The ideal situation would be you're a complete circle, your partner is a complete circle, and where the two circles overlap creates something amazing, but you two are also complete on your own. Rather than 2 half circles who can't function unless they're together.

People who focus (too much) on self improvement / gym / motivation / etc are just trying to avoid the reality of what they really want. They want the women to come to them rather than them having to face rejection.

Why is it you think some men draw women and some don't? What do you think is the mysterious "it" factor that you're missing?

I'll help you out if you're willing to share.

 

Isn't the "it" factor summed up by the responses of all the rejections.

If all women who reject you essentially say the same thing as to why they aren't interested in you, I'd suppose that is the thing that others have that you do not.

All of this really doesn't even matter if you just be the man you want to be. If you attract a girl, that's great, but if you don't then you're still just stuck with yourself which is fine because you have become who you want anyway.

Envy and coveting are never a good way to be at peace. Harboring gratitude and contentment serve us much wiser.

 

Very sound advice as always. Keep them coming.

 

I believe that the phrasing that it is "wrong to want" might be misleading.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a companion. It is completely natural to want someone. However, what people actually suggest is that if your primary goal is to find someone, i.e. if your mind is focused on the fact that you are single, that you want someone, that this is one of the worst ways of achieving this goal. Just as wanting to be happy, is the surest way to be miserable, so leads the wanting to be with someone to behaviour that deters that goal. Instead, those people suggest, that your primary goal should be to improve your life, or those of others, that would lead to a change of your perspective, maybe even "neediness" (as some would call it), which improves your attitude, makes you more approachable and likeable.

Now, if this is true for you, or even the majority of people, I don't know. I believe there is a grain of truth to it in my case. I was preoccupied with being single so much, that I gave off a bad vibe, took everything (and especially myself) too seriously. What helped me was to cherish this very moment. Take a deep breath, and be aware of what is going on. Is this moment acceptable, am I doing okay right now? It was, and then I realised that if every moment is like this, I don't need to be in a relationship, even though that would have its benefits

Best of luck on your journey.

 

It's not wrong to want. Your desires are there for a reason. For hundreds of millennia they drove your ancestors. Helped them to survive, prosper, and eventually produce you. Your feelings have a purpose. If you want something, the real question is what are you going to do about it?

 

You can be a confident person or even a near perfect person, but still not get results. There's many pieces to the puzzle, but we'll work with what you've shared here so far.

You're aware of what makes you valuable. You believe that women would benefit greatly from having you in their life. That's a great start. The best sales people in the world are the ones that get rejected a lot. They know what they're selling is amazing, but not everyone will want it. Aim to be loved by a few rather than liked by everyone. You knowing who you are and believing in yourself is a good step in that direction.

You're interested in authenticity. That's a bit vague. So pretty much you want to explore women as long as they're being real.

Why resort to Tinder if you're so good at meeting people? Where are you meeting women? What have you been doing in terms of getting more dates? Do you ask women out on dates? Are you getting rejected (you should be if you want to find the right person)?

There's something that you aren't doing. Something you're avoiding. Saying things like "some men draw women and some don't" is similar to giving up and blaming other things for your lack of success.

You can be great at socializing with people, but if you aren't going for what you want then of course you're not going to get it.

 

Im going to rant alittel so if thinhs dont make sense and if its all over the place its because its 2 am and i dont care. So first lik all of us you are probaly giving out a vibe that you want someone and women can feel it one even told me that she felt that i needed a gf to not feel alome. So after my ex who i love so much left me im stopimg for now trying to get into a relationship or get laid and maybe i actuale get more women to me i will report back over time if this works. The less interest you show to them that you want them the more they want you but dont show no imterest. Second and this is coming from someome who jas learned this the hard way so dont make my mistakes really look hard at your previois dates and relationships and fogure out what ypu did wromg and were you can improve. (Lost my the love of my life because i realized somethings to late). Were am i goimg with this oh yes to those who say better your self in a mean way like you dont need someone blah blah blah never be like thwm. In my experince those ppl hate themselves view the world threw anger and so on. Yes better ypurself then find a women but never close yourself of or act like you dont need someone because you bettered yourself because at the end of the day and i dont care who you are we all just want be loved. So now im goimg to bedtrying no to think of my ex . And one more word of advice my friend again from personale experince because i dont want you to feel the pain that i am feeling (not saying these things for you to feel sorry i just love to vivdly write) dont rush things never rush things casuale date and let her be the first one to say you are mine trust me you will be more happy. Promise me one thing when ypu get married and if aky of this has helped ypu invite me to your wedding so i can eat lots of food. Now im of to bed

 

No, its not wrong to want those things. It does seem to be getting harder to find these days. In my opinion, most of the women between 18 and 35 (and older) want the classic soccer mom life. Big beautiful house, huge SUV, all the popular crap, a guy thats in shape, with a good paycheck and still likes to party. Potentially your just talking to women that are too stuck up or "to good" for you. Thats ok, they would end up being nightmares anyhow. Relax, get to know a girl some before asking for a number. You may decide you really dont want to get to know them better.

 

Lets see :

''But the reality, it seems, is some men draw women, some don't.''

I might say this is true , some man draw women and other don't. But why ? and here we might have a lot of ''variable''.
However you can control a huge part of it. (how you act )

Lets take basic exemple : a healthy body is more attractive than a tired one.
Your non verbal communication will have impact on your relationship. ( its like 85% of communication if i remembrer correctly )
Verbal communication , but also your réputation
Action : There is way to connect and create relationship..
your belief will also influence your action ....

Lets take the exemple of ''famous'' people , they got a lot of girls but did they actually manage to have quality relationship?


''why is it so wrong to want a companion?''
There is nothing wrong with that ! its a human need to want someone to share his experience of life.

I think that the main issue here , is that some people try to find love into other.
So the advice is that we should first LOVE OURSELF. in order to really love other.

Thats dosnt mean that you can't or that wanting to have a companion is wrong.
It's just an advice.
This is more about finding hapiness in yourself.

 

Someone once said that ‘Happiness is the absence of desire’

 

Hapiness is not the absence of desire. Desire is the force that pushes you to acomplish the goals that you set for your life.

Regarding the thread, its completly normal for you to want a a relatuinship with someone. That feeling is natural, instictive and biological. Its in our DNA

 

I can relate to this a lot. That want is natural and nothing to be ashamed of, but that doesn't make you any less lonely. To want honest and sincere mutual love with someone outside of just lust and physical attraction is among the most noble aspirations in my opinion. To find a woman to spend my life with is my ultimate goal and comes first at this stage in my life. I wish I had an answer but I don't know. I don't know how to find that person let alone get that person to feel the same. I have found someone whom I think I can love forever and she likes me back. But she lives so far away and I'm constantly thinking of her and worrying that I might lose her. I'm still lonely and we're still not official even though I have gotten a taste of true happiness from spending time with her.

 

I honestly 100% believe that dating is mostly a numbers game.

On the point of why some men seem to attract women and some don't. Attraction is weird and something i don't think we fully understand yet. It has so many variables. For example, take a man you would think of as extremely unattractive, put him in the right situation and he would be extremely attractive.

I also believe that straight women are inherently attracted to guys. Like straight guys are inherently attracted to women. If you are a guy, straight women will be inherently attracted to you on at-least some level. But not all the women you interact with or talk too will be looking for someone right now, or looking for your type.

The best thing you can do is get out there as much as you can. Keep talking to women your attracted too. Eventually you will meet one who's looking for a guy and you fit the bill.

 

By reading your post I can feel that you are a good person and kind hearted. There must be something planned for u in this universe. I feel same as u. But I let it go and let myself flow in life. But I am sure when i get a chance I try my best to fix it. cant talk more on the matter coz lack of experience.

 

Its never wrong to want a companion, saying that its wrong is just bullshit false story you tell yourself everybody has needs thinking its wrong to have them is bullshit don't apologize for being YOU

 

Gotta be okay with being alone before you pursue companionship, its one of those dumb unwritten rules that I didnt make up. Why do you think females always want to get together with Chad? Because Chads arent sitting at home lamenting that theyre lonely.