(Potential) First Relationship - Need Advice

About a year ago I met a girl while hanging out with some people. We talked a bit, and I ended up adding her on Facebook. I considered asking her out, but thought she was out of my league so didn't.

Now, a couple weeks ago I got a random fb message from her asking if I would "ever want to hang out sometime." This was a shock since we literally hadn't interacted at all for the past year.

So first I joined her and her friends to go bowling on a Friday. But we still wanted to actually go on a date (though she keeps referring to it as "hanging out.") Last weekend we went on a date. Got coffee, saw a movie, and talked in the car for a couple hours. Pretty good.

What I need advice about is how I should act going forward? I've gone on a decent number of dates in the past, but never actually been in a relationship (I'm 24.) And I really don't want to screw this up if I really have a chance here (which, it's looking pretty good.)

We've texted back and forth this past week about random stuff. I'm trying not to text her EVERY day so I don't look needy / overeager. Haven't planned another date yet. So I'm wondering, when should I suggest another date? It hasn't even been a week since our last one, so I might wait a bit.

How does the pacing usually work with these things? Obviously you don't just go on a date and suddenly decide to go steady. So how do I go from where we are now, to eventually be in a relationship? How does that conversation go?

And if we end up in a relationship, what's expected of me? Like, do we just hang out all the time? These seem like dumb questions, but having only been on the outside looking in, I don't know what it's like being in one. So what sort of things should I know, watch out for, etc.?

 

Thanks for the insight guys! A lot of this is stuff I already knew, but it's really easy to doubt yourself when you're actually in the situation.

Also, she couldn't have picked a weirder time to start talking to me - I graduated from college in May, had a 3 month internship in DC, came home to Michigan a month ago, and am now unemployed looking for my first real job. Plus I'm in the process of changing my strategy against PMO. So... not great for self-confidence. But if she sticks with me till I get to a more stable position it could all work out great.

 

So the week since our date was pretty good. I know I'm still way overthinking it though. Right after our date I got her actual number (we'd been using fb messenger.) Then on Monday she started texting me and then actually called me. (She'd had a long crazy day and wanted to talk about it.) Though after talking for a bit I had to stop because I was with my family at a restaurant. (So I was awkwardly talking on the phone at the table.)

I probably should have called her back right after, but I'd already made plans to join my friends at the bar. So I hung out with them for a couple hours and when I got home I started texting her again, and said she could call me if she wants, and she said (flirtingly) "you snooze you lose." But we ended up texting off and on for the next hour.

Friday I asked if she wanted to get coffee on the weekend and she said yes, but could only do Sunday night. So we went to a coffee shop at 7 last night, but didn't realize the place closes at 8. So we ended up just sitting in her car for another hour after that talking. Apparently she'd left a family dinner before dessert to make it there on time. So I guess I'm more important than ice cream cake at least.

It's really hard to figure out where she's at with this thing. We still haven't acknowledge openly that we're interested in each other (though it's pretty obvious.) And that feels pretty weird when we're talking. It's like the elephant in the room. At one point we naturally came to the topic of Valentine's day, and she said she doesn't know what she's doing for it. I know this was a hint, but I didn't really respond, because I already plan on asking her on a second date for Valentine's day, but that's till a good number of weeks off. So it seems weird to plan so far in advance.

I'm just conflicted about the pacing of this. I don't want to go too fast or too slow. I try not to text her every day, and am waiting for her to text first now. And I feel weird about suggesting we hang out again this coming weekend. I'm actually going to a showing at a local theater of Groundhog Day on Friday, but only a couple of my friends and my parents are going to that, and it feels weird to introduce her to my parents too soon.

My worst fear is I'm going to take this too cautious and slow, and she'll just get fed up and forget about the whole thing. OR I text her every day and look way too interested. Difficult balance.

 

We went on a real date! I just don't know how long till I ask her on the second one. Should we be seeing each other every week? We got together for coffee a week after the first date. If we don't do something this weekend I feel like it'd be too long not seeing each other, but I also don't want to suggest something EVERY weekend. Plus, at the beginning she was texting me a bunch, but for the past week or so it's always me texting first.

 

Well the texting is weird. Because at first she was texting all the time. Then about the middle of last week, she stopped. Like, if I texted her she'd respond. But it wouldn't go on very long. I thought she must be losing interest, but when I asked her to coffee she was totally down for it, and seeing her in person she didn't seem any less interested. Now I'm agonizing, because I don't want to keep texting her first. So I'm going today without texting her at all, and basically see how long till she texts.

But perhaps you're right. I probably should set something up this weekend. I dunno what though. For our second actual date I'm thinking we'll go to the art museum (she said she likes it there and there's a cool exhibit too.) But I dunno if it's too short notice to ask her about that for this weekend. Maybe something small, then NEXT week suggest that?