Hard mode is killing me phisically

Ok, I managed to gest to day 31. This should be a success story but it is not.
It is instead a request of help, because I really don't know what is the best for me.

I forbid myself the use of PMO, because after 22 years of this life (I am 22) I got tired of this being my only way to live my sexuality. I said to myself "I am 22 and I am living the life I did not want to live, my sexual life is going a total failure".

On 19th of February, it will be 4 years that I do not have sex. I had sex just twice, and it was very low quality sex...
I was nervous as it was my first time, I suffered of fimosis (needed circumcision) and for sure my use of PMO did not help.
After that, nothing.

I live a life that a lot of people envy, I have friends and good grades, I go out, my social life is very active. When I have been in Erasmus in Spain I was the guy who knew everyone.
No one imagines this complete failure in my intimacy.

In these 4 years we can count a story with a girl I did not like phisically and a one-night kiss during my Erasmus. And I struggled massively to get to a kiss.

Why this? I suffered of abuses perpetrated by girls when I was 11-13, and my teachers - women - did not do anything to help me. These were not sexual abuses, it was bullying.

I am always afraid that girls now want to hurt me and that if I fail I will be joked by them.
This blocks me, I can't interact with a girl if it is for sexual purposes.

I am attending to a therapy. The situation is worsening because I had removed my past of abuses and I remembered it two months ago.
My therapist wanted to do a simulation and saw that I am completely unable to speak to a girl if interested. I can't even start a conversation.

We will work on the trauma, then she is recommending me to her colleague to improve my social skills with girls, and I have complete trust.

But now I feel unmotivated to apply with girls, the blocks are surrounding me and I find no way out.
My needs are of intimacy with a significant other.
PMO was a way to control these urges, just to not make them overwhelming me.
Now I removed PMO, I feel far cleaner but a whole area of me is denied. And this is caused by my total lack of other means.

I am physically suffering withdrawal from this. Not always, but once a day. And it gives me depression.

 

Yeah but there is nothing to celebrate about.
It is part of the therapy, my therapist said that this is very good. She gave me the input before to remove chats like kik, I decided to extend it to NoFap. She always agreed, so it's like an order now.

I am doing orders, I reached 30 days, but last 14 days have been harsh and I am suffering a lot for my sexual needs

 

I already do that, the problem is that every day carries its burden of depression and frustration of desires

 

http://www.iflscience.com/health-an...-diseases-were-treated-like-mental-illnesses/

This is an automatic reply generated by me nuked of these answers

 

It started in the last 10 days. I'll meet her next week, now I have to focus on my exams, which are not affected at all by this status

 

Thank you. One tomorrow.
I wanted to write that I will for sure talk to her about this issue of my reboot-induced bad conditions and my demotivation with girls