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Dating attractive women

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by PRN-ADKT, Jan 16, 2018.

  1. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn't let other people's opinions influence who I want to be with. I just naturally tend to go for people of equal attractiveness. I was just pointing out that being an attractive guy makes it more difficult for me to date attractive women, because they are more universally desired by other men and, as a result, they tend to have an inflated ego and sense of entitlement. As a guy, it's not the same. I don't have chicks trying to fuck me left and right because of my looks. It's more difficult for a guy to find an attractive woman than it is for a woman to find an attractive guy because men tend to place more value on looks.
     
  2. Superadders

    Superadders Fapstronaut

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    Firstly. Im a strong believer that as men, we should be able to go for whatever woman we want, no matter how attractive she is. If youre saying things like "it will be difficult to me to get highly attractive women", "I should settle for less", youre coming from the wrong mindset. You have to see yourself as the prize that women want. Im not getting that vibe from your posts.

    You say you would "feel vulnerable" if you entered a relationship with a very attractive woman. What?! This indicates a bit of insecurity. You should perceive yourself as a highly attractive man of high value (independent of looks) and someone who attractive women would be immensely lucky to have. If you feel you do not have "much to offer", then change this! Mould yourself into becoming the best version of yourself. You say you are "reclusive". Well, perhaps you should get yourself out there and work on your social and communication skills like its a never ending journey.

    "Attractive women are more universally desired by men" - well yes, of course. But the question is, how are YOU going to stand out from the crowd? If you cant answer this, then theres your cue to work on yourself.

    Youre right. Men place more value on looks than women do on us. USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. Develop your inner game, character and masculinity like your life depends on it. Sure, nofap might help. But there are lots of other factors...

    Hope this helps.
     
    PedroCalrissian likes this.
  3. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I'll admit that I'm definitely insecure.
    It's been about 10 days since I posted that, and I must say, my perspective is constantly changing. I'm starting to realize that a relationship probably wouldn't be the best thing for me right now. I'm looking for a woman to complete me, when I should be working on feeling better about myself without needing outside approval. That being said, three weeks into NoFap, I'm always going back and forth between great confidence, and wanting to crawl under a rock and die.

    Ironically, it's when I'm feeling down and unattractive that I crave women the most. Since quitting PMO, I lost the one true source of release I had, and I'm now seeking to fill that void with women, which isn't any better. I think the best thing for me to do right now is to continue with the reboot and try not to think about sex so much. I should view myself as a drug addict who's going through withdrawal. Once I become more stable emotionally, I can work on bettering myself and growing as a person.

    It's just incredibly difficult to deny my sexual urges right now. Hopefully there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
     
  4. M90mv

    M90mv Fapstronaut

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    In order to get with attractive women you need 3 things.

    Confidence
    No fear of rejection
    Good social status or the ability to make them believe you're of high social status.

    The reason you see good looking dudes with women who may be less attractive is because women generally date above their social status (especially if theyre attractive) and men generally date at or below their social status. Theres nothing wrong with this, however having a partner that you can dominate is not a good thing for either party envolved. You want a partner that challenges you, keeps you on your toes, and makes you constantly work to keep the passion alive. Settling for a timid partner because they're less likely to leave you, is cowardly and will almost certainly leave you resentful.
     
  5. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I now realize that confidence is the ONLY thing that I need to work on. I just have to be to be more comfortable in my own skin, and women will be drawn to me. I don't need to change the person I am to attract women. I need to work on accepting and loving myself for who I am first if I want anyone else to love me back. I need to embrace who I am and realize that I don't need women to feel strong and confident.

    Ironically, it's when a man is feeling at his lowest that he craves women the most. But it's at precisely that time that he'll be at his least attractive. Women are great for comfort and emotional support, but you first have to have a stable core if you want to reach that level of intimacy and emotional vulnerability with them. You can't start a relationship from a point of weakness.
     
    Deleted Account and M90mv like this.
  6. [QUOTE = "PRN-ADKT, publicación: 1254595, miembro: 188830"]. Para ser sincero, no creo que sea algo cultural. Soy muy independiente. No me importa lo que otros piensen de mi hipotética novia. En realidad, preferiría que me atrajera una chica a la que la mayoría de los hombres no desea. De esa forma, no me siento vulnerable, como sugeriste. Si tengo que cambiar para quién soy para mantener una niña, entonces la relación no vale la pena.

    El problema es que me atraen las mujeres que, universalmente, se consideran aptas, así que me siento que tengo que aportar algo más para destacarme de otros hombres. Las chicas calientes saben que son deseables. A pesar de que me considero atractiva, no creo que la mayoría de las chicas de atractivo similar quieran quedarse conmigo más allá de la etapa de enamoramiento

    Tampoco estoy interesado en aventuras. Realmente quiero una chica que me entienda y con la que pueda conectar en un nivel emocional profundo, pero también quiero ser atraído físicamente por ella mientras estoy en ello. [/ QUOTE]
    Hola buenas noches Acabas de responderte tu mismo. El motivo por el cual los hombres se buscan mujeres no tan simples para que otros hombres lo deseen. Esta comprobado científicamente ya que crean relaciones mas estables y duraderas. Y viceversa igual para las mujeres. El tipo de mujeres que quieres tu Nunca es demasiado exigente o demasiado flexible. Busca el equilibrio. Cuidate
     
  7. Superadders

    Superadders Fapstronaut

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    Some valid points here but I disagree that you need to eliminate fear of rejection totally to get success with women. Whilst you can desensitise the fear somewhat by approaching lots of women, it is perfectly natural to experience some form of fear. I have approached 1000s of women, but the fear never goes away completely. At the end of the day, it is how you deal with fear that counts (e.g. embracing it, rather than trying to eliminate it).

    Confidence, 100%
    Social status is also important, but this means different things to different people.
     
  8. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

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    You say this, but I'm genuinely curious how many actual direct attempts you've made at getting a beautiful woman. You say you don't want to degrade yourself to jumping through hoops-- I get that and appreciate you choosing to keep your dignity. But you can't just sit there, right? One's not going to come knocking at your door, and at their level being a handsome devil is not enough.

    I made a fake profile as a gorgeous blonde on a dating app once-- mostly for the kicks, but also because I was curious to get a view of the world from behind enemy lines. I got 2,000 likes and 400 messages within 3 days. At first I read a lot of the messages-- 99% were horny, desperate, boring, or delusional (i.e. surely this girl is dying to meet me even though I haven't shown that I have anything to offer in my profile pictures or messages... because I'm that awesome, right??). Over time I grew bored of them and only opened the ones that looked interesting (1 in 20, probably). That is, until OKC caught wind of my fake profile and banned me. Haha.

    The "fake hot girl" version of me never needed to swipe left or right because they all came to me through my inbox, tripping over each other and banging at my door. Meanwhile, the profile of the REAL, male me has far, far fewer likes/messages, and I can see why! Because of the passive position that the desirable ladies are in, they can just sit there and wait for the truly attractive (inside-and-out) men to roll in, the ones with full lives who live for more than just themselves, the ones with friends, the ones who are interesting and have something genuine to say with no secret motives.

    God, I'd make an awesome hot blonde.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
    PRN-ADKT likes this.
  9. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, I haven't even made any attempts. Zero. Up until recently I've been far too busy feeling depressed and sorry for myself to care about real women. I'm 27 days into no PMO now and I'm getting a lot of mood swings, so I'm going to wait for my emotions to properly stabilize before taking things further with women. I know I have it in me though, because on a good day, when I'm feeling like a sexual demigod, I'll give hot girls my sensual gaze and lock eyes with them until they look away with a shy smirk. At this point, I'm not really sure what it is that I want though, so I'm gonna take things slow while I come into my own.

    Keep in mind, I've been PMOing compulsively since the age of 11, and this is my first attempt at recovery at 25 years old. I might have given the impression that I have a lot more experience with women than I actually do, lol.

    As for your dating profile experiment, I think hot women get way more responses because guys are generally rendered into drooling idiots at the mere sight of a photo. A hot woman on the other would respond better in person after experiencing a man's sexual energy up close and personal.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
  10. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

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    And that's because it takes actual guts to approach a perfect 10 (or even a 9 or an 8) in real life! Even if they're not interested, they respect those dudes for putting their necks on the line (unless they're ass-hats).

    I understand the mood swings man. I'm 30; on day 2-3 of nofap I'm missing my ex, then from days 4-7 I'm on top of the world. (Haven't made it past 7 yet, yet I waited till 19 til start fapping! So, good on you for your 27-day streak.)

    If you're going to die tomorrow, how would you live today? Would you still let the mood instability stop ya? I'm not trying to pressure or shame ya. Just food for thought, because it's something I have to ask myself all the time.

    EDIT: May I ask if fear stops ya? I let it stop me till I was in my 30s! It's only now, when I see how quickly my life is going to pass me by, that I'm punching my hang-ups in the face and going for it. You want to be genuine and honest-- that's fantastic brother. If you don't mind, I'd like to recommend Mark Manson's book Model to ya. He teaches you how to do it while staying your authentic self.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
  11. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. I'm finding it easy, to be honest, because I've been feeling empty inside for quite some time despite the healthy eating and exercise habits I've been following for years. I don't necessarily think I have more will power than the next guy, I'm just ultra motivated to quit PMO, because of how low I was feeling. I only recently made the connection between my state of mind and PMO. Had I known earlier, I would've quit years ago, but I'm not going to dwell on it.

    I highly recommend reading Your Brain On Porn if you need that extra push.
     
    Kris456 likes this.
  12. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

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    I watched the Youtube video. Does that count? I'm about to start on Day 0 again. Determined to make it through Wednesday night though; I have a date that night, and nofap heavily impacts my interactions with people.
     
  13. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn't say that I'm afraid, it's just that my desire to pursue women isn't really there most of the time. When I feel it, everything makes sense and I want to take the lead, but most of the time, I feel too vulnerable and pathetic to make a move. It's all just mood swings caused by my brain's withdrawal from the rush of regular orgasms. I imagine it's the flatline everyone talks about so it should pass soon enough. I've waited this long, so I can wait a while longer. I've quit porn for good, and I'm determined not to orgasm until I find a woman, so it's only a matter of time before I can't help myself.

    What an crazy coincidence! I actually just started reading that book today. I never even read any dating books before.

    I like how he tells you to be confident in who you are to attract women, rather than change yourself to please them. That's why I'm still waiting to approach women, because it doesn't feel totally natural yet. I've had glimpses of it being feeling right though, so I know I have it in me, but if the drive isn't truly there yet, I'm not going to force it.
     
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  14. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I never watched the video, so I can't say. The book explains how porn artificial increases your dopamine levels to an unnaturally high degree causing your dopamine receptors to become resistant. You then need more and more dopamine to feel the rush you once felt, just like a drug. The biggest reason to quit is so your dopamine receptors can return to normal and everyday activities can bring you pleasure again.

    It's an interesting book, and it isn't too technical. The multiple testimonials helped motivate me as well.
     
  15. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

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    Okay, then I got the same material you did from the video. And it's noticeable-- when I look at porn for the first time after days of nofap, my eyes are popping out of my head and I'm going "Wowww!! Geez!!"... Haha. But then as soon as I finish, I notice I'm not as happy as I was before I caved.

    This is great stuff. Thanks. I'm gonna write this somewhere so I can look back on it and remember why I'm working so hard to achieve permanent nofap. After just 5 days I was on top of the world, but I never got as far as you are now-- so I don't think I ever got to the flatline part. All I know is, after 3 days I'm hounding women on dating apps in a way that I never do when I'm fapping; I'm hungry for them. As soon as I fap, all desire for them dissipates and I say, "I think I'll go read a book or something." The sickest thing is how I eventually start preferring porn women to actual women.

    As far as Model goes, I'm going to have to start reading it more in-depth. I had a bad date on Saturday that could've gone well if it weren't for something I said (along the lines of neediness). Some beliefs need to change.
     
    PRN-ADKT likes this.
  16. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad that I could be a source of inspiration to you.

    One way I stay motivated is by telling myself that any major life change isn't going to be easy, otherwise everyone would do it. You have to stay focused on why it is you're doing this if you want to make significant long term changes.

    Admittedly, I have my good days and my bad days. But I'm not going to let a bad day or a bad week dictate my actions. Returning to porn certainly isn't the answer since it's what got me into this mess in the first place.

    Keep your eye on the ball, and don't forget why you're doing this!
     
    simonfreemason likes this.
  17. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

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    I'm just gonna take those words your golden fingers have typed and slap 'em onto my sig. With personalized edits of course. Keep 'em coming. ;)
     
    PRN-ADKT likes this.
  18. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    Haha, that's great. Do whatever it takes man.
     

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