My situation - apologies if this turns into a long post

This afternoon I will be handing over money so that a beautiful woman takes me into a small room, puts me in a chair and inflicts pain on me while her young female assistant watches.

To be honest, if it wasn't for my Femdom fetish, I'd really hate dental appointments.

ANH

 

Just for the record, my dentist - who looked absurdly young, but that's just me getting old - was the sweetest, gentlest creature imaginable. And she was very beautiful.

Despite the inevitable discomfort, I left with a smile on my face - well, half my face.

ANH

 

Hoping for a 'happy ending'

It seems appropriate to finish my time here with a gentle inuendo and an overlong post - why break the habit of 220+ days?

The master plan was that I would get the job that I have been pursuing and start work on 1st February. At this point I would leave NoFap in order to have more time to devote to my new employment and to the transition out of my year's sabbatical. Unfortunately, my potential employers hadn't read the script and my quest for that job fell at the last hurdle. They liked me, thought I interviewed very well, but in the end gave the job to a cheaper, less experienced and younger candidate.

So I've had a rough few days, feeling rejected, despondant and worrying about how I am going to find work. Is age discrimination so rife that I won't be able to get anything worthwhile? As I don't have to tell any of the SOs here, rejection bites chunks out of your self-esteem. People in whom you'd invested your time and hopes rejecting you for younger models who you know don't have all your good qualities? Sucks doesn't it? Self-doubt starts eating you from the inside out.

I've given myself a good talking too. I've drawn up a plan. I've given myself a new job, and that is working hard at finding paid work. My wife and I have savings we can dip into if we need to. There is no need to panic. This is an opportunity to find a new challenge and I intend to rise to the occasion.

But I will still be leaving NoFap. More than ever, I need to make the very best use of all of my time in order to find myself work. It feels like the right time to go.

I am so grateful to this site and the wonderful community of people here. You have helped me to beat an addiction that had had me by the balls for more than forty years. I've rediscovered the man I truly am; the man I was meant to be. You have supported me through my journey of reconnecting with my wife and rekindling our sex-life, which is now better than it has been for years. You have been there while I fulfilled a long-held ambition and wrote my first novel. You've opened my eyes to the damage that pornography does to individuals, to relationships and to society. You've allowed me to try to help others in my turn and been highly appreciative of what little wisdom I have been able to offer.

I have followed your individual roller-coaster journeys, celebrating the highs and groaning at the stomach-churning lows. I wish you all the luck in the world for the future. May the PAs find the resolve to quit for good; may the SOs find healing, peace and the strength to rebuild their lives.

I don't know what the future will hold for me. Maybe, against all the odds, I will get a book-deal and can start a new career as an author. Maybe an unexpected opportunity will come my way and I'll spend the next few years doing something completely new and satisfying. I remain, at heart, an optimist. Though there may still be twists and turns ahead, I'm sure that my story will indeed have its happy ending.

Thank you and goodbye to you all.

ANH

 

Hi Broken3,

Thank you for your kind message. And thank you to everyone for their good wishes when I posted my fairwell. A quick update on the last 6 weeks:

It has been a struggle at times. Looking for work at the age of 59 can be pretty demoralising and stressful. With no income coming into the house, we are having to be very careful with money and that is a frequent source of tension. On top of that, my wife has been diagnosed with diabetes and has been very down as a result. I am helping my daughter prepare for her first ever exam (in Maths) and she is getting anxious about that. And finally my wife's cousin died unexpectedly. So not the easiest time.

On the other hand, two days ago, I had a final interview for a new job which went extremely well and I think the chances are 80% that I will get an offer. I also have a final interview for another company in 10 days or so, and one other application in progress about which I am quite hopeful. I'm optimistic that as soon as I get a new job, the atmosphere in the house will change, we will get out of our 'holding pattern' and all feel brighter about the future.

During this stressful time, I have felt stronger urges to look at porn. I think for me, there has always been an element of escapism and stress relief to my addiction and it has been very hard to resist over the last few weeks. Despite all the issues in our lives, my wife and I have continued to make love - though perhaps less frequently - and that has helped keep me sane and stopped me falling back into old habits, despite the strong urges.

So I am still doing OK and if my optimism about my recent interview turns out to be well-founded then life should take an upturn again starting next week.

Good luck to all of you in your own complicated, frustrating lives. May the good times start to outnumber the bad.
Thanks again for your thoughts and good wishes.

ANH

 

Very Good News!

Yesterday was an excellent day! Firstly, I received confirmation that the third company I'd applied to do want to interview me next week. More significantly, I then had a call from the company I saw last Friday offering me the job!! So I have one very attractive offer in the bag and two other interviews to boot! Wife and daughter are both very pleased and relieved that our period of financial uncertainty is over.

This morning has dawned with bright sunshine befitting the vernal equinox and I feel hugely envigorated and optimistic. I've just been for a lovely walk around a local lake. The next few months still hold their challenges: I'll have to get to grips with a new job; we'll all have to adjust to the end of our idyllic sixteen months at home together; my daughter will have to cope with exam stress; and my wife may struggle to come to terms with her diabetes and what it means for both her lifestyle and self-image.

But these are challenges I feel confident that we can face and overcome together. I feel strong, optimistic and empowered. When I took voluntary redundancy 16 months ago, I was a porn addict, wanking away precious time and energy. Now, thanks to your support, my wonderful NoFap friends, I have a stronger marriage and the mental and physical energy to embrace this new chapter in my life and work hard at being the best husband and father I can be.

Thank you all, once again for your life affirming friendship and support.

ANH