Anyone overcome financial domination ?

This is actually a really good tactic, at least as part of a larger strategy of breaking the shackles of such a cruel addiction. Give the money to a charity you decide on ahead of time. Something like Save the Children, or maybe even a charity that serves those who have lost their financial independence (homeless, families whose homes have been repossessed, children in poverty etc.). I guess in this way you can usurp/undermine the addiction in stages...the first stage is not to get you to stop spending money, but redirecting it to an infinitely better direction....the second and later stages would be to incorporate discipline and understanding of what life looks like without this addiction.

I think spending to alleviate extreme suffering will help you a lot...you are suffering yourself, and there is a chance here to help someone who is also feeling emotional pain. I don't know if you're religious or believe in something, but there is a reward in this from a higher power and you will feel a taste of peace in your heart...

Good luck my brother and I really will pray for your happiness and contentment...no one deserves this..

 

I agree..

A word about doctors: if your problem is not physical, beware. Doctors are highly specialized at identifying and curing dysfunction at a physical level. If you have an infection, a sick appendix, cancer, or a broken bone, you go to a doctor. If you have an extremely maladaptive coping mechanism with deficits in your life or psyche (like Findom/Femdom) then doctors are never going to help.

Another point about doctors: they rely heavily on the 'evidence base'. I.e. they will remain neutral about a condition/symptom/treatment until there is overwhelming proof of a biochemical mechanism or overwhelming consensus on that thing, before advising effective treatment. This means that things like porn addiction and other fetishes fly under their radars and they don't really understand it, and there is no pressure to understand it to treat them 100% effectively.

I agree that a coach who has been in a similar position and has beaten the very thing you are struggling to overcome is the best option.

Lastly, beware psychologists. Some are fucking charlatans and others will blindly follow a school of thought and will do what they can to make it so your symptoms and treatment comply with their fixed world view. A good psychologist is extremely difficult to find.

 

Thanks to carefully tracking all my finances in Quicken, I unfortunately know to the penny what I've spent doing this. $301,928.63.

 

Good afternoon spackle

I will use google translator to communicate with you, since my English is not very good.

I am Brazilian, 20 years old and I am adept at femdom 4 years ago, I am 23 days without PMO / FEMDOM and I am dating Domme, so it is difficult to resist the provocations, but I am firm. back to the subject...

I'm not an adept at the findomme, because here in Brazil this practice is not very famous, and since I do not understand English very well, I've never been interested in this area, because I do not have money, I'm just a young student.

But the advice I can give you is that you started a reebot, without Femdom, Findomme, these things, because if you do not do it, I think it's kind of impossible for you to get rid of this vice, continuing to see femdom.

If you want, masturbate until you say enough! (1 day only) You will feel like total crap.

But that will be good, it will motivate you to leave this cursed vice (at least with me it worked)

But if you do not want to be so radical, just start the time marker and set an initial goal example: 60.90 days

And do not see anything related to PMO and femdom.

I'm sure this will help you, the first step is this, get rid of the PMO, Femdom.

I have been without PMO for 23 days, but the will is great in these last days.

 

Thank you for taking the time to share advice. I think I understand some of that, but the translation is probably not good.

To be frank, the idea of not fapping is nonsensical to me. If I were addicted to jerking off or to porn, maybe I'd see it differently, but when it comes to findom, cumming is a lifesaver.

The way findom works-- You get turned on, you seek out a domme, you start paying her, you keep paying until you cum. If you don't cum, you don't stop paying.

On some occasions I have been unable to masturbate, usually because I am in a public place. If a domme catches me then, I'm doomed. I pay pay pay with no way to stop. I keep paying until I get home an cum.

So yes, for some problems not jacking off might help, although honestly cumming is a very natural healthy thing, and masturbation seems like the most normal, healthy thing a person can do, but when it comes to findom, it's fap or die.

 

Sorry about the delay in responding. Therapy has been enormously helpful because I found the right therapist for where I'm at now. He's a good fit. We are working on changing my habitual response to unpleasant feelings ie sadness, loneliness, frustration, disappointment etc. In short, I'm working on not running away. The Buddhist have a great distinction between pain and suffering. Pain is inevitable. Suffering comes from the destructive ways we deal with pain.

I still get cravings. Big time. When I do, I try to pull back and observe what I'm feeling both physically and emotionally. I don't try to talk myself out of my feelings. I can't. This awareness helps me surf the urge without acting on it. Exercise really helps and meditation. I won't lie and say it's always easy, but until you get out of auto-pilot you're screwed. I have stumbled a few times, but much less.

It was a big wake up call for me when I saw how much money I spent.

I was reading somewhere that it's a mistake to think that by simply changing your mind you can change your behavior. It's your behaviors that change your mind (and brain)...if you repeat them enough.

 

I am no porn Yoda. I stumble through the dark like everyone else.

What HASN'T worked for me:
1. Whining about the past or the the present. What's done is done. I try to learn from it and move on.
2. Beating myself up every time I stumble. The really skillful findom will try to get me to hate myself. Nothing fuels addiction like shame! They really try to eroticize self-destruction., but the truth of the matter is that they have no power except what you give them.
3. The drill sergeant approach; the idea that I can, "will-power'" my addiction away. For me, this has a 100% failure rate. As soon as I find myself engaging in the dreaded, "internal debate," I refocus on my body and emotions. For me, cravings cause my heart rate to increase and breathing to become quicker and shallower. I can consciously slow my breathing, and check in with what set me off. Usually it's anxiety or some other unpleasant feeling. If it's really bad, I set the timer on my phone for twenty minutes and surf the urge. It almost always becomes more intense, crests, then passes. It's not easy, but it won't kill you. No emotional state, no matter how unpleasant, can do that.


What has worked for me:
1. Mindfulness Cognitive Behavioral therapy.
2. Meditation. 20 minutes a day. Strengthens the pre-frontal cortex.
3. Exercise! I fit in 30 minutes 5 times a week. Best anti-depessent in the world! Also strengthens pre-frontal cortex.
4. Community. That's why I'm here. Although I'm married with kids, I'm very much a loner. Reaching out and connecting is my greatest challenge.
5. One debit card and one credit card where I transferred all my balances. I cut up the credit card.
6. Patience.

 

I don't suppose anyone will read this , but I'm going to post an experience I had today.

I was having very intense cravings to go to a domme. I caught myself trying to talk myself out of the urge ie- listing all the reasons not to do porn and how it was fucking up my life, etc. This, of course only intensified it the urge to a maddening level. Findoms are particularly adept at conditioning you to get off on fucking yourself over.

Instead I sat with the urge for 25 minutes. (I set a timer) I focused on my breathing, while dispassionately observing how the craving effected me physically and observing any thoughts or images came up without reacting to them. In other words, I surfed the urge. The craving continued to grow in waves, and then subsided. It was hard as hell, but it worked.

 

I read it! I can only say wow!! Good for you! Those 25 minutes probably sucked! But im sure you feel so much better than you did not give in. Power to you man!

 

Any updates?

 

Hope the OP comes back to this thread, there are people who care and want to help here. Some great advice in this thread!

 

This addiction can be cured with serotonin neurotransmission. There's a thead in my profile with a method for how this is done.