My take after successful 30 days NO PMO

Deleted Account · Feb 2, 2018

5adn8m8 said: ↑

This was absolutely incredible. You have managed to forgive your parents and accept them exactly the way they are. You approve of and love yourself. Miracles are about to happen in your life because your personality is becoming what you need to succeed in life.
I can see you like reading about self-help, so I definitely suggest you to read the book "YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE" from Louise L. Hay. The book is amazing!
GOOD LUCK and thank you for sharing your story!
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Thank you. This was not easy to do I must say but it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I also thank you for the book recommendation. I will have a lot of books to read...he he

Deleted Account · Feb 2, 2018

Tryingto said: ↑

Many thanks for this post, @Cremona Bee.

While I deeply appreciated your initial offering, the specific details offered here are powerful and inspiring.
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I am glad it is of help. I wanted to summarize my story so much because it is so long and I might have missed crucial details. Thank you once again for your appreciation and gratitude

Deleted Account · Feb 2, 2018

Floweringlife said: ↑

Great post. I relate a lot- I’m learning more self love and had issues with self hatred and depression as well.
Thanks for sharing your story!!
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Thank you too for you personal sentiments...much appreciated

Deleted Account · Feb 2, 2018

Thanks for the explanation Cremona Bee, I should check out those book you recommended. If you would like some more books on improving yourself check out some of my favourites in this thread https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...-and-it-is-only-a-failure-if-you-quit.154541/
I've chosen a different approach - I try to accept myself as I am now without trying to find out the reasons . What's done is done, I need to look at improving the rest of my life. But who knows, one day I might visit a psychotherapist or such. In the end it is whatever works right? Good luck in your next milestones!

Deleted Account · Feb 2, 2018

Aradesh said: ↑

Thanks for the explanation Cremona Bee, I should check out those book you recommended. If you would like some more books on improving yourself check out some of my favourites in this thread https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...-and-it-is-only-a-failure-if-you-quit.154541/
I've chosen a different approach - I try to accept myself as I am now without trying to find out the reasons . What's done is done, I need to look at improving the rest of my life. But who knows, one day I might visit a psychotherapist or such. In the end it is whatever works right? Good luck in your next milestones!
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Yes...I agree 100 %. Do what works as long as it means complete recovery for each one of us.
Thank you for your book recommendations. I have read Power of Habit and Stop Worrying Start Living. I will do my best to read some of the books in the rest of your list.
Also congratulations on making it 60 days without PMO. That is a fantastic achievement. A reward or treat of some sort is in order

touchtheclouds87 · Feb 2, 2018

Cremona Bee said: ↑

Since I turned 32 on 9th November 2017, my resolve to break free from PMO has grown ever stronger and I achieved another 30 days free of PMO during this period of time. I have learned a lot of lessons but I came to one realization.

I never really understood engaging in self improvement activities without actually addressing the underlying problem was cosmetic. I would engage in exercise, reading self help books, kick boxing, cold showers etc thinking that these activities would actually help me overcome PMO. While they worked for a while in the end it was an exercise in futility as I kept on relapsing. I realized I had cultivated self hate and feelings of inadequacy for a very long time subconsciously. This all came to be because of my upbringing. I never experienced a close relationship with my parents as they were absent many times during my childhood working to put food on the table. On top of that, my father was a perfectionist and “you are not good enough” was a constant as a child. One never realizes the impact this has on children. To make matters worse, later down the line, my younger siblings received much love and care and are much closer to my parents now. I often wondered why I received such neglect from my parents. What was wrong with me? This also started to affect my interactions with my peers as a teenager and I slowly began to withdraw from people and became a loner. I found solace in living in a fantasy world. I would create elaborate worlds in my imagination and “live” there in those worlds for long periods to escape the pain of rejection. Later, porn and masturbation became the perfect world.

I hated the real world. I hated people. People always seemed to reject me left right and center. Getting rejected by girls and later women was the worst. So living in my world where I was the hero and I was fully accepted was awesome. Only I did not know how much damage it was doing. Later, this fantasy world would prove to be a mental prison that made me contemplate ending my life on numerous occasions.

Now that I am addressing my deep seated issues, I have seen a major improvement in overcoming PMO. I am developing self love every single day. And wow, it is a breath of fresh air to my life. For me, self love is a basic need as much as water and food. When you accept yourself as being whole and not damaged goods no matter what you experienced earlier on in life, you begin to change. As the Bible says, love your neighbor as yourself. If you don’t love yourself, forget about loving others. Other people become burdens to your life including family. You start to look at the people from a very pessimistic view and the world becomes a very dark place. Your life becomes meaningless.

So in essence, I am healing. I have accepted that I did not receive the kind of love I desired as a child and stopped blaming my father and mother. I am the firstborn and it must have been hard for first time parents to bring up a child in this world. They surely could have not known everything on how to bring up a child in this world. They learned their lessons and applied them on raising my siblings. I also have a friend whose father abandoned him at the age of 3. He is always bitter and resentful about it. His life is a constant struggle against inadequacy and feelings of rejection. It made me appreciate and grateful that I had a father who actually cared to stay in my life. My father expressed his love for me in a different way I guess. I am working on improving my relationship especially with my father. He is still a perfectionist but I am more accepting. My relationship with my mother has improved immeasurably.

Yes, life is much better when PMO is no longer a major part of my life. Increased confidence is really good. My communication skills have improved immensely. Energy has increased as I now don’t wake up feeling so groggy. In fact, I need less sleep than usual. I am now coding every day as my desire is to become a full stack web developer. I have always loved programming and tech in general. I hate my current job of being a customer service representative. And my skin is super smooth with regard to my face. After years of acne like swellings, they have “disappeared”.

It is not all a bed of roses though. My relationship with my GF is on the verge of ending. I can feel it. Ever since I fully committed to NoFAP, things have not worked out well. I am still not sure why but I suspect that before when I was casual with NoFAP, I would attend to her every need and desire. Now I want to take care of myself more and she has become withdrawn. Also, I have become a self help book junkie and I think this is dangerous. I am constantly looking for some esoteric information that may take me to the next level as it were.

In essence, this is my take after this successful period. While self improvement is an important part in overcoming PMO, you cannot forget to heal from your internal wounds. The pain that is simmering below while being suppressed needs to be addressed. Otherwise, self improvement in itself will not have lasting changes or the change is temporary. For permanent change, look beyond the symptoms. Self love is key to breaking free from PMO.
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I used to read self help books a lot. Eventually I realized most are B.S

However there is 1 written in the 1930s I'd recommend. Happiness by Bertrand Russell (he was a famous philosopher)

Deleted Account · Feb 2, 2018

touchtheclouds87 said: ↑

I used to read self help books a lot. Eventually I realized most are B.S

However there is 1 written in the 1930s I'd recommend. Happiness by Bertrand Russell (he was a famous philosopher)
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Thanks for your recommendation.

workHard · Feb 2, 2018

Cremona Bee said: ↑

I agree it is hard to implement all these ideas that we read from all these books. I think it might be better to have like a collection of just the best 5 books and stick to them. However, how do you determine which are the best books to read? I find that people have very varied opinions on the best books. So I just read and read and read.
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I actually haven't read one single book about self improvement but I use to go on a subreddit called getdisiplined. I read a ton of threads but the 2 that I actually apply to my life is to basically work on your goals everyday even if it's for one minute at 1:30am (many times... this) and to take breaks every so often called the pomodoro technique (although I usually don't use this anymore because I only take breaks when my head actually starts to hurt or if I can't solve a problem). Besides that though, I found the other stuff to be basically ways to structure your tasks and managing

And I feel like deep down we know what to do and it's to work hard. There is no magic secret or pill to it. You could structure your day better and take in the tips I mentioned but it all boils down to working hard. And it's easier said than done.. I've strayed from my path lots of times (including yesterday) but we just have to keep getting back up and learn from mistakes. Maybe I'm wrong but from my experiences, this seems to be it. Good luck bro!

Reborn16 · Feb 2, 2018

Cremona Bee said: ↑

Thanks for your appreciation. Yes, I agree. My current relationship is not working for the both of us. We both have deep seated issues and that has created a toxic environment of dependence. Its now that my eyes are fully open to this cold hard fact.
With regards to self help books, I could not agree more. One book presents this idea and the other presents a completely different one on the same subject based on the latest pseudoscience. Its crazy.
I have heard of the book the Happiness trap. In fact, I have it in my e-book collection but I am still to never read it. I will definitely read it based on your recommendation.
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Thanks for sharing this insight. I do find it fascinating how moving away from pmo we can find the challenges in real relationships come up... And yet the struggle is so worth it compared to pixels! We may just put up with more relationship issues on pmo, and may sabotage ourselves by thinking we don't deserve better.

Btw I had that happiness trap book for years before I read it.. oops lol

But now that I have I do recommend it, a lot of your post about acceptance and moving towards your goals despite the past is in line with that book

Deleted Account · Feb 3, 2018

Very good post ! Your story resembles mine . I used to think that every one hates me and would reject me straight away but in reality this was not the case . Addiction messed up my mind . Trying to recover and change my thinking but it will take some time . Your story serves as a good motivator for me as well as many others . Best of Luck

NewLifeForGood86 · Feb 3, 2018

Cremona Bee said: ↑

Thanks for your appreciation and own personal sentiments about your own experience. How did you change your mindset ? It would be insightful to know this.
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I was first of all just sick and tired of the negative turn my life had taken as a result of the negative thinking, but it was very difficult to change in my circumstances in many ways. Starting a reboot in Nofap gave me the momentum and wind to push me forward to change my view on life. So it’s both ways around. The discipline achieved through nofap rebooting and other related activities affected my thinking and also the other way around. I feel the pmo addiction controls the mind in a way that you’re not able to be the master of your own mind and your own life. Once the pmo was at a halt I got time to work on myself and my life. When life very quickly started becoming better, it was naturally easier to look at life in a positive way. And then again the other way around. I just decided that enough is enough. I said to myself. If I don’t turn this around I’m only going to continue being miserable. The negative thoughts do still kick in sometimes, but very rarely. That voice has become much weaker now. And the positive, grateful, happy, optimistic, motivated voice is dominating the battle now, and it keeps on conquering more and more territory .
But for more detail please read my success story. The link is beneath my sign/counter.

Deleted Account · Feb 3, 2018

NewLifeForGood86 said: ↑

I was first of all just sick and tired of the negative turn my life had taken (...)
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This is exactly what I’ve been thinking. Enough is enough!

Destroyporn · May 17, 2018

Deleted Account said: ↑

Since I turned 32 on 9th November 2017, my resolve to break free from PMO has grown ever stronger and I achieved another 30 days free of PMO during this period of time. I have learned a lot of lessons but I came to one realization.

I never really understood engaging in self improvement activities without actually addressing the underlying problem was cosmetic. I would engage in exercise, reading self help books, kick boxing, cold showers etc thinking that these activities would actually help me overcome PMO. While they worked for a while in the end it was an exercise in futility as I kept on relapsing. I realized I had cultivated self hate and feelings of inadequacy for a very long time subconsciously. This all came to be because of my upbringing. I never experienced a close relationship with my parents as they were absent many times during my childhood working to put food on the table. On top of that, my father was a perfectionist and “you are not good enough” was a constant as a child. One never realizes the impact this has on children. To make matters worse, later down the line, my younger siblings received much love and care and are much closer to my parents now. I often wondered why I received such neglect from my parents. What was wrong with me? This also started to affect my interactions with my peers as a teenager and I slowly began to withdraw from people and became a loner. I found solace in living in a fantasy world. I would create elaborate worlds in my imagination and “live” there in those worlds for long periods to escape the pain of rejection. Later, porn and masturbation became the perfect world.

I hated the real world. I hated people. People always seemed to reject me left right and center. Getting rejected by girls and later women was the worst. So living in my world where I was the hero and I was fully accepted was awesome. Only I did not know how much damage it was doing. Later, this fantasy world would prove to be a mental prison that made me contemplate ending my life on numerous occasions.

Now that I am addressing my deep seated issues, I have seen a major improvement in overcoming PMO. I am developing self love every single day. And wow, it is a breath of fresh air to my life. For me, self love is a basic need as much as water and food. When you accept yourself as being whole and not damaged goods no matter what you experienced earlier on in life, you begin to change. As the Bible says, love your neighbor as yourself. If you don’t love yourself, forget about loving others. Other people become burdens to your life including family. You start to look at the people from a very pessimistic view and the world becomes a very dark place. Your life becomes meaningless.

So in essence, I am healing. I have accepted that I did not receive the kind of love I desired as a child and stopped blaming my father and mother. I am the firstborn and it must have been hard for first time parents to bring up a child in this world. They surely could have not known everything on how to bring up a child in this world. They learned their lessons and applied them on raising my siblings. I also have a friend whose father abandoned him at the age of 3. He is always bitter and resentful about it. His life is a constant struggle against inadequacy and feelings of rejection. It made me appreciate and grateful that I had a father who actually cared to stay in my life. My father expressed his love for me in a different way I guess. I am working on improving my relationship especially with my father. He is still a perfectionist but I am more accepting. My relationship with my mother has improved immeasurably.

Yes, life is much better when PMO is no longer a major part of my life. Increased confidence is really good. My communication skills have improved immensely. Energy has increased as I now don’t wake up feeling so groggy. In fact, I need less sleep than usual. I am now coding every day as my desire is to become a full stack web developer. I have always loved programming and tech in general. I hate my current job of being a customer service representative. And my skin is super smooth with regard to my face. After years of acne like swellings, they have “disappeared”.

It is not all a bed of roses though. My relationship with my GF is on the verge of ending. I can feel it. Ever since I fully committed to NoFAP, things have not worked out well. I am still not sure why but I suspect that before when I was casual with NoFAP, I would attend to her every need and desire. Now I want to take care of myself more and she has become withdrawn. Also, I have become a self help book junkie and I think this is dangerous. I am constantly looking for some esoteric information that may take me to the next level as it were.

In essence, this is my take after this successful period. While self improvement is an important part in overcoming PMO, you cannot forget to heal from your internal wounds. The pain that is simmering below while being suppressed needs to be addressed. Otherwise, self improvement in itself will not have lasting changes or the change is temporary. For permanent change, look beyond the symptoms. Self love is key to breaking free from PMO.
Click to expand...

Really like the post and very deep. Helps us real our priorities.

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