Disclosing to Wife

Tell her and do it now. Tell her everything. That’s the simple and only answer.

 

Being in recovery is damn hard, having a partner who knows might be the difference between success and failure. She will have a healing process to go through, might as well do the hard year or 2 together. She might leave but that's her right, no more lies, it is toxic to a relationship. But she might stay and fight. My husband is coming up to 2 years in recovery, and our relationship is sweeter and stronger then it has been maybe in the 25 years we have been together. It has been a rough road, but time does heal if there is love left.

I get teary when I read you haven't had sex in 6 months, and it's probably been pretty sparse before that. You knew why but she didn't, maybe for years she has been thinking it's her,; she's not sexy, she smells, the self-loathing, thinking you are out of love with her, laying next to you night after night feeling invisible... that's how I felt, it was horrible. Free her from that nightmare. There is another reason you aren't having sex, tell her. I was so mad when my husband told me, but I read about porn addiction and I was like, oh, I get it, that's why our hot sex life has become so aweful these past 7 years. The problem had a name, we could solve it, it gave me hope after feeling hopeless for many years.

 

I've made a thread for getting rid of femdom addiction.

 

I would tell her straight away and be honest about it. Tell her what you are doing regarding NoFap and your recovery in general. That is the best way for you both to be able to start recovering.

My situation is slightly different to yours but I finally admitted to my wife about my PA and PMO habits after many times of lying about it. It was incredibly rocky at first but I had already put the relationship on incredibly rocky ground by my PMO problem.

In my case I was lucky. She stood by me, signed me up for NoFap and kept me accountable. She reads my journal posts each day and we talk a lot about it. She is the best accountability partner I could ask for. Two months in and our relationship is far stronger than it has been in years, the sex is regular and good. My issues with PIED have almost completely disappeared.

You do have to accept that might not be the case. Your relationship may never recover from this, but she deserves to know the truth.

At the end of the day remember that you are getting clean for yourself not for anyone else. Your recovery isn't dependent on her staying with you. If she doesn't take it well that doesn't excuse relapse. Become a better man and prove to yourself that you can be a better husband and father. The more effort you put in the more likely you are to actually beat this for good!

Good luck on your journey! I hope to see you around the forums.