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Nofap and existential crisis

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Obidiah, Oct 13, 2014.

  1. Obidiah

    Obidiah New Fapstronaut

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    This is the worst part of the process, by far. I think it's tied in to the general lack of motivation that abstaining gives you, so much so that you can't even motivate yourself to live your life any more. I am harassed with questions like "what's the point in life", knowing everything is just pointless in the end. I'm struggling to see the joy and good side of life, instead dwelling on the bad and depressing.This had never happened before I started abstaining.

    My first attempt saw me last seven days followed by a binge, then I started again to my current attempt. Shortly after starting again these crises reared their ugly head and have tormented me since. Yet strangely the feelings come and go, almost like I can't make my mind up what to believe. I WANT to live and be happy, I want to experience what life is and its many wonders, I want to enjoy this beautiful journey. But my brain is tormenting me regularly saying I don't and it's pointless. I am empty, numb and lacking emotion.

    I must stress I haven't felt suicidal or anything of that nature. I'm just so confused and lost. For all my life I've looked on life as it is; a fun journey where we live and experience and die at the end. It's a gift and should be treasured and respected, no matter if you are human or animal or plant.

    Until starting this recovery, I was a very happy person. Now I feel somewhat broken and need putting back together.*Is this what hard mode does to you? 50+ days of complete abstinence after regular PMOing sends me completely haywire? So far during abstaining I've felt like the happiest guy on earth and the lowest, most insignificant thing ever to be born. Everything is just so... weird at the moment, it's really a struggle.
     
  2. Karegador

    Karegador Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like a serious case of withdraw. Do you have someone at home that you can turn to for help?

    Keep in mind withdraw comes in many forms. For me it is an intense and crippling feeling of blue balls. It gets so bad that I have yet to meet my 30 day goal. I mean we are talking about pain so bad that I can't walk. The cause being my brain trying to get me to give it a fix of that good ol' feel good drug, dopamine.

    Anyway, I think what you have here is just that. You are down in the dumps, depressed, unable to enjoy life. Your brain is hoping that you will crack and give it what it wants right now, dopamine. When you find yourself like this ignore it and go out with friends, have fun and live.
     
  3. Obidiah

    Obidiah New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your reply. I've spoken to my parents and told them I'm going through a hard time at the moment and they've been very supportive. Interestingly, sometimes I think "if I masturbate maybe all this will go away". Not sure if that's the addict in me trying to get another fix, but this can be awful at times. I've been PMOing since my early teens quite regularly, so it may well be serious withdrawals.

    I'm sorry to hear of your withdrawal symptoms. Hopefully it will ease off!
     
  4. APCIA

    APCIA Fapstronaut

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    I can understand how you mean all that.
    let me ask you,
    what is the greatest pleasure in the world for you?
    is there something better than sex in your eyes?

    If there isn't, than know that there is.
    If we live our lives thinking sex is the greatest thing there is than eventually we will go down the pit of addiction to it.

    Do you have a greater purpose? Doesn't have to be god, but if it is than awesome.
    Is there something you really love doing?
     
  5. Obidiah

    Obidiah New Fapstronaut

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    I love living. At times during this process it's hard to believe that though. I enjoy experiencing new and different things, visiting different places and meeting new people. I'd love nothing more than to travel to many different countries and try lots of different things. I love my family and want to see them happy. I love learning too, about anything and everything. Shame lately I'm so unmotivated and feel like I do.
     
  6. Eagersalmon

    Eagersalmon Fapstronaut

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    This might help.

    You should look at your willpower as a limited resource. Essentially you cannot wrestle with your issues 24/7 or you will quickly tire out. Whilst you have the will it is time to set up support, routines, and safety nets to save you from a relapse-binge. One of the best things you can do is replace PMO with another activity.

    Find something that you're passionate about. Every time you need a purpose, it's your passion. For example "I exist right now to become the best footballer I can possibly be". Every time you feel urges ask yourself "is this helpful for my passion?". If you can manage to develop this mindset it will likely help you through the worst.
     

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