A 40 years old gay guy's first day here...

I don't know what to write. I just joined the forum which was in a book about quitting porn addiction. I am an exhib gay guy so I love to do camming, recording vids of myself while masturbating etc. And I love porn. All were ok until few months recently. I started to get very bored with porn and looked for more extreme things. Not just porn but random webcam chats, nasty stories. I don't want to go into details about the categories but it was a bit insane and sick. I am a gentle funny man in real life but the fantasies what turned me on while chatting about it were violent, and dark. This scared me a lot even though it turned me on but after the orgasm the guilt feeling was so strong. I started to feel I have 2 personalities. I didn't even think that this could be because of porn addiction. I still kind of hope that this is the real reason. So wish me strength and good luck

Also I would like to chat with people who are going through the same. Hopefully it helps.

 

I am on day 3 only but today was the first hard day. I could resist to porn and jerking off, but I did end up on omegle a bit. I was dressed, didnt touch myself which was easy but I felt like I need this now or I go crazy.

 

today was the hardest so far. I really feel bad, depressed, no motivation. I even went to the gym but it was extremely hard to convince myself to go there and I felt so weak while doing weight lifting. It is only the 6th day without porn. I could still resist to porn and chats. Thank god my partner is around who is very understanding. He even said if I fall back and go to chatrooms I shouldnt worry, I just have to be honest about it. It will be a very hard to quit we both know.

 

seems like quotes from the book...

 

haha yeah

 

god damn it, I relapsed this morning. I woke up with a stupid dream. In the dream I was in a bathroom with 2 glass doors and I couldnt lock them. I wanted to jerk off in the bathroom but somebody always came in. So I was so angry. I woke up like that. And I just did it.

 

well yes unfortunately there was a porn, but this time a very old one. A simple handjob. So at least nothing extreme. But I must say I felt the different between the old masturbation and the one happened today. I haven't masturbated for 13-14 days (I did have sex with my boyfriend 2-3 times though). My dick felt very hard and I didn't last very long this morning. So yes, this gives me strength to keep going with quitting porn addiction (even though this might sound strange). My cock was more sensitive and the whole thing was more pleasurable, I just wished my partner was around then.

 

thanks a lot for the nice comments guys

@friskyfella, well to be honest I started it for gay people, but then I thought I will do for everybody, but opened different threads for straight, bi, gay and for those who dont want to tell. I will need some members for sure hehe. I guess it will take some time for google to find me