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Effect on dating?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Alyosha, Oct 16, 2014.

  1. Alyosha

    Alyosha Fapstronaut

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    So I just relapsed after a 10 day streak. And today especially, I've been really making some progress with a girl. I mean, nothing's happened yet, but I'm getting to know her, and I basically set things up so that I could ask her out soon.

    My question is, how does relapse, and porn in general effect dating? Will it make me less interested in her? Will I be less attractive to her? Could this relapse sort of derail my attempts?
     
  2. thepersonathome

    thepersonathome Fapstronaut

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    Many say that nofap is a placebo (I don't necessarily agree) but if you think your relaspe will affect it negatively then it will because you are relying too much on nofap. You are training yourself to say that you will be less attractive to her and so your thoughts will become reality. Your confidence will drop and she will find you less attractive.
    In actual fact, because you have had a release there may be less off a sexual impulse to get with her but don't focus on that. The sexual impulse doesn't drop much anyways, unless you masturbated alot.
    Try to be confident and don't let the relaspe derail you from your goals. When talking to her pretend that you never did relaspe.

    Here is another thing that could help but is a little controversial. Do you remember when you had your hand on your dick? That felt good right? What about after you came that felt shitty right? Well if you get with this girl you could imitate the same pleasure and still feel great after the orgasm. Use that thought to motivate you, if you think it will. If not ignore it and just focus on the first tip.
     
  3. hms74

    hms74 Fapstronaut

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    @thepersonathome what are you talking about ??? Why would it feel shitty after orgasm when you masturbate? If it feels shitty for you after you jerked off that means something is wrong there...
     
  4. SBoy49

    SBoy49 Fapstronaut

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    I think porn affects dating big time. It creates a standard of slim, young bodies, instant cooperation, and circus-act sex that a real live woman has difficulty living up to. Or living down to. Sometimes we compare the woman we are dating to the ones in the movies and use that as an evaluation standard. But who's idea of a standard is this? A bunch of money-hungry video producers with big dicks in the San Fernando valley?
    Is that who I want deciding what is attractive and desirable for me?
     
  5. hms74

    hms74 Fapstronaut

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    well in a way it is also motivates you... to go to the gym and have a better body to feel more attractive... at least it did motivate me... you just need to know the different between reality and movie. :)
    And you can not blame porn for everything. You want a hot girl or a hot man, not just because of porn, but it is genetic too, and also the effect of the society, advertisements etc. And a fit body always give a healthy feeling...
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2014
  6. thepersonathome

    thepersonathome Fapstronaut

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    Well obviously the physical pleasure of an orgams feels good. But when i jerk it I feel like I have a lot less energy and motivation. Most of us are here because we feel more full when we do nofap.

    Also I went from 96 days hardmode to 4 relaspes in the span of 3 days so a part of me feels dissapointed and shitty. Obviously that is because I associated orgasm to failure which is wrong. And that is why I feel shitty.

    I obviously don't feel bad if I decided to masturbate without porn which I did on day 96. The next day I felt awesome. then like 5 days later I relasped to porn like 4 times and felt shitty.
     
  7. anthrope

    anthrope Fapstronaut

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    I know what happens when you are in the PMO mode and you go out on a date. One of my dates said she got a weird high school vibe from me, and that my eye contact was creepy. Of course, I was viewing women as sex objects. Another human being nervous system always registers your deepest truth, even if you try to hide it. The all important vibes are usually picked up by your date. PMO ain't worth it, and we all know this.

    My method in slowly ridding myself of PMO once and for all, is to start liking myself again. I am going to feel worthy at the deepest level, so that I don't feel the need to fill the hole in my soul with porn, food or drugs. Because addiction is always about self worth. Trust me, folks. Your dates will know it the moment you start loving yourself in some deep and authentic way. To do so, however, you will have to start being mindful in the first place.

    Check out the amazing Tara Brach on addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr5o-fG6SnI
     
  8. MichaelMichaelson

    MichaelMichaelson Fapstronaut

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    I can't say that porn and masturbation has made me a lesser lover to the girlfriends and casual dates I did have. But I do certainly have to admit that unconsciously, my lust wasn't as strong as it is with porn and masturbating. especially because generally people tend to get into a porn and masturbation habit before they have sex in their lives so it becomes the norm. you relate everything sexually to porn and masturbation because that's what your mind and body are used to so sexually, I guess for me at least, it does make me a sexually lesser lover than I could be if I kick this addiction.
     
  9. Taqwaman

    Taqwaman Fapstronaut

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    Yes it is true, it has an effect on your date, because your focus changes.
     
  10. psy001

    psy001 Fapstronaut

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    my opinion is that we cannot rely everything to p addiction,,,obviously fapping all the time has a negative effect in our relationships and in the way we see the world,,, but there are other aspects of ourselves that p has nothing to do with,,, generally in my opinion stopping p or fapping or whatever ,, simply it makes you more functional and have clearer thoughts,,,,maybe stopping p someone could realise his actual problems and things that make someone disfunctional.
     
  11. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

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    Since starting NoFap I've approached and talked to more girls in the last two weeks than I have in over a year. It's definitely going to give me a better shot at dating. Good luck with the new girl. Don't be too hard on yourself for relapsing, it's part of recovery. I relapsed after an 18 day streak and it took me 4-5 days to recover and get back on the NoFap grind.

    You can do it!

    - vM
     
  12. anthrope

    anthrope Fapstronaut

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    Good going VM! Good to know about your recent success in reaching out to the opposite sex! Let us know how it turns out! Cheers!
     
  13. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

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    I'm definitely aware of the opposite sex a lot more now. It's great.

    I'm not going to attempt to have sex until after 90 days. If I happen to stumble on a really cool girl that I'm in to she will just have to bare with me. I'm not opposed to dating and getting to know someone. It shouldn't be about sex at first anyway. I think I got it all backwards.

    I'm glad that I have the option of abstinence now. It's somewhat empowering really. I'm taking back my sexuality in a sense.
     

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