Dating During a Reboot: Do's and Dont's?

1. Don’t watch porn even together.
2. Don’t do nudes or sexy selfies.
3. Touch a lot. Every day. Intimate touches, casual touches.
4. Kiss. A lot.
5. Talk. Everyday

 

One answer, TELL HER EVERYTHING!

 

Dang. I couldn't have said it better myself. Do all of these things. These are soooooo important.

Honestly, the feelings to PMO will come and go. These feelings you get stem from hormones. You don't control your hormones in the same way you don't control the tide as it comes up around you. But instead of imagining yourself being overcome by the tide and you start to drown (aka give into P) just allow yourself to migrate to higher ground and observe the feelings that come from this ocean. Don't try to control them, bur rather simply observe them. Notice how you feel so alive, and how aware you are of your own sensations. That's the point of sex biologically: to create life. It makes sense it does the same to us. O isn't a bad thing, it's a great thing an amazing thing actually, and we are supposed to feel the way we do for a reason. Whether you chalk it up to a God or to nature, whatever the case, these emotions are a part of who you are. Accept their existence, then let them subside and go down. Just like the tide, it regresses and goes away over time, but it will be back.
It will be hard to not let them control you at first. But as you get good at it, you learn how to swim in this ocean. The goal is one day to be able to explore it's depths with someone you love, but for now, just focus on learning how to swim.

P.S. Having a girlfriend helps a lot. Please promise me that you will make her your best friend. If she's the one you want to dive with, start by forming an emotional bond first.

 

And be 100 percent honest with her.

 

Here's my advice...

1. Learn to recognize (and debunk) all of the rationalizing thoughts your brain will try to use to get you back to porn.

Example
BRAIN: "You've got a girlfriend, so you're doing fine. Normal guys with a girlfriend PMO every now and then, and it's no big deal." (I convinced myself of this bullshit thought throughout two longer-term relationships.)

2. Create healthy routines for the times of day when you are most vulnerable to the temptation of porn.

In my case, I was most likely to PMO (late) at night before going to bed. So I changed my routine in the following ways...

First, I started getting up early every day---without exception. This made it much more "costly" for me to stay up late PMOing.

Second, I took the laptop that I used to use for PMOing and hid it in a closet, letting the battery die. I put the charger in another room, meaning that if I ever felt tempted to PMO, I would have to get out of bed, fetch the laptop and charger (from separate rooms), and then wait for the computer to get up and running. Two weeks ago, I went even further by deleting my entire porn stash, though I don't recommend rushing to do that unless you are really ready.

Third, I have filled my nightstand with interesting books about self-help. (Almost) every night I take 10 to 20 minutes to read through one of these books (Changing for Good, Designing Your Life, Your Brain on Porn) and reflect on my long-term goals. Now that I have done this for a while, it has become a routine that I really look forward to.

Fourth, I have reorganized my room (adding some furniture, moving some things around) so that it feels different. I saw this advice at some point on NoFap, and I think it's been really helpful. (When I'm sitting in bed and looking at my room, it doesn't feel like the same room where I gave in (so many times) to my urges to PMO.)

3. I'm no expert, but if you are fantasizing about porn while having sex with your girlfriend, it might be a good idea to stay away from sex for a while.

...

Good luck! I hope this advice is helpful to you in your journey.

 

You’re having healthy sex with your woman so it’s not a bad thing. If your goal is to not O for 90 days though then you should reset. Next time she gets horny pleasure her w/o your man tool.