Ejaculated while driving . . .

Today I ejaculated while driving. Hmm. Many times I have felt like this was about to happen. And, a handful of times in my life, I have rubbed one out while driving. But this is a first, in that I didn't use my hands at all.

Today is day 55 of no PM, and 15 days since my last emission.

I have struggled with this a lot in my NoFap challenges. Sometimes I get aroused, sometimes I feel like I am on the verge of an orgasm, from daily events, mostly exercising, walking, and driving, sometimes just standing, sitting, or lying down. Sometimes a triggering fantasy is what gets it started, sometimes erotic thoughts are the furthest thing from my mind.

As long as I don't give in and masturbate, its clearly a win to get through the experience. But what happens if I do orgasm? It happened today.

This was not totally involuntary, not at all really, in that

• I was very aroused
• I had some vasocongestion (blue balls)
• I really wanted relief
• I was hoping I would come this time
• I drove for longer than I needed to (because I was caught up in the moment and hoping for release)
• I drive a stick, so lots of moving my legs, sometimes in ways that brought on more pleasurable sensations

So, the big question: Is this a relapse?
Or, more importantly: Do I consider it a relapse?

I'm thinking not (but posting this in part because I can't always trust my own thinking and it really helps to hear some thoughts from outside of my own head) . . .

For me, a relapse would be stroking it. An internet porn binge and MO would be a clear and undeniable relapse. I've slipped with edging, fantasy, and have had a couple of 2 to 3 minute slips with online porn, but I have kept my hands off of it. I think that's awesome. And the main point.

I suppose it might happen again. Perhaps involuntarily. This time, as I've admitted, it was more voluntary. If I find myself in a pattern, driving around aimlessly and getting off on a regular basis from driving, then I'll have to admit that I've gotten stuck in a new pattern of masturbation (albeit a little bizarre) and call it a relapse.

Thank you for reading. Any feedback would be much appreciated.

 

Yeah . . . I think I've lost track here.
I called a supportive friend and he asked me what my objective was in doing this. Good question.

For me, it's easy to get caught up in the intense arousal that comes with all that pent-up sexual energy of not masturbating (more like edging and not masturbating). Before I know it, I'm off pursuing the increased arousal, the thrill of being horny as fuck, getting turned on by the slightest touch or vibration. Yes, that can happen with NoFap. It can be a huge rush and an awesome ride sometimes, but its not my goal.

I'm looking for healthier sexuality. I want to have real sexual experiences with real women (not getting myself off in my car after getting blue balled by a woman). I want to focus my energy on things like career, school, and fitness . . . and mental clarity. I know that I am dealing with powerful forces here. I put up a good fight. But then I got a little weird with it, got more focused on when the next spontaneous emission will happen.

I'm going to reset my counter. Considering this a reset (as opposed to a relapse). I think it's a good thing. Need to get back on track.

My goal is no masturbation in 2018. Still my goal.

 

Thank you Vulkan and Muterabbit for the support. I appreciate the feedback a lot, especially as I have found myself in a lot of grey areas in past NoFap attempts. For a long time, I defined it as no orgasm. As long as I didn't orgasm, my day count stood. Looking back I see how sometimes that worked pretty well, other times, I was just repeating my old behaviour, looking at porn and stroking it . . . just stopping it right before the orgasm. Not recommended. A lot of blue balls!

This time, I had to go with a gut check. And once I knew that I needed to call this a reset, I knew it was right, because it felt right. I don't think accidents count as relapses, or resets with my no-PM objective, but this was no accident. Not only did I push it too far, I had set myself up for it. I had gotten into a pattern of trying to bring about an "accident", intentionally driving my arousal level up with edging. That experience and the reset helped to break that pattern (I hope!). I don't regret. It was kind of cool really. I got myself off without stroking it. Still, I got myself off, and I'm counting that as masturbation.

Now, two days later, I'm already feeling a lot of arousal coming back! But it has a better quality. It feels cleaner and more natural. I also started to get those sensations again while driving home from work today . . . it was very tempting to try to indulge it and see if I get off again, but with great won't power (not will power) I managed to turn my attention elsewhere and not let my brain try to get into it.

For today, that's a win!