Input wanted

The problem isn't following your desires. The problem is that you fear a specific outcome won't happen. So you become careful with everything you say and do with her. So even if you end up getting what you wanted you would still be afraid / worried / paranoid of losing her. It would be a relationship based on being careful / walking on eggshells trying not to break your fragile mind / emotions.

You're saying things like she's the one and that you won't ever forget her, but I can say from experience that there's more "the one" people out there. You might never forget the love you had for someone, but you do move on and you do feel love for new people. It might not be the same, but it can be just as awesome or more awesome in a different way.

My point is that you can't force these things. You can't own or control somebody or a specific outcome. It's not a one way street. A relationship has to be both people wanting it and putting effort into making it work. You being worried / paranoid / fearful / desperate trying to force a specific outcome will only hold you back from expressing yourself honestly and giving her the freedom to choose.

All you can do is your best. My very best advice for you and to my past self that went through similar experiences is to enjoy it. You don't know what's going to happen and you can't control it. Whether it works out or not you need to be able to enjoy the experience. You can't enjoy it or do your best if you're being careful trying to force an outcome.

I still love all the women that I loved who rejected me in the past, but I grew and changed. I met new people and created a new life for myself.

If we feel like our lover is the one and only person on the planet who can make us feel this way, we cling to them and smother them with our demands and affection, shackling ourselves to them, because what is living if it’s without them?

On a long enough timeline, everything in our lives is eventually lost. Happiness is not preventing those losses. It’s learning to adapt to them. It’s not the people and objects that fulfill the needs in my life that make me happy. I make me happy. And if those things were all taken away, while I would mourn their loss, I would find new people and new objects, new activities and new passions, and build a new identity for myself, and live on.

These days I follow my desires fully, but I allow the outcome to unfold without being worried about it. I respect other people's freedom of choice and I respect my own desires and recognize my self worth. I'm for some, but not for everybody. When you find the right person, they are just as excited about you as you are about them and it's a team effort to make the relationship work rather than a one sided obsessive investment.

 

You'll realize one day that it's not worth convincing someone to be with you. All you can do is express yourself honestly. She'll either want to be with you or not. When you find the right people (to date or be friends with) it's a lot more effortless in terms of attraction.

As you grow you'll begin to have a lot more self respect. You end up placing more value on who you are. More value on your time / energy / focus / resources. You go after your desires, but you don't waste time on trying to convince people that don't want to put effort into being with you.

A lot of people will depend on others to measure their self worth. They can't accept the fact that some people are just simply not interested in what you have to offer. It doesn't mean that you aren't valuable. It just means that person isn't the right person that's aligned with who you are.

 

I didn't say anything about acting without consent and intimacy.

 

Indeed. All endings should be happier.

 

No. You said that a girl you have never met wants to be beaten.

 

Yep, sure. You have a vivid imagination.

 

Like I said, you have a vivid imagination.

 

I’m not trying to shame you, man. I’m just showing you a reflection of what you said. Better here than out in the real world. Keep on improving like you have been. Peace.

 

I'm not ashamed. I'll own what I said 100%! Women want to be bent over, have their hair pulled, and their asses spanked. I never once said that should be done without their consent, or without intimacy. You imagined that part. You seem to think you are some sort of "white knight," but like all white knights, you're really just a "nice guy," who doesn't understand.

 

Awe. I think you’re nice too. That’s so sweet. Seriously though, you’re here an a forum giving what you think is good advice in order to help other people. You should think more highly of yourself, nice guy.

 

Yes, lots of hugs and love to you. Now, let's drop the topic.

Ah, but now you edited your comment and have gone into attack mode. You are the aggressor here, not me. You need to back off, and lay off. Find something else to do with your time other than harass me.

 

I consent to the love and hugs. Just don’t try to spank me.

 

Great, let's end it there. Have a good night. Let it be...

Here, perhaps this will help:

 

Goodnight, buddy. Keep up the good work.