Hi everybody, I'm PornAddict Nr. 945'003'221

Hi, I'm 26 years old and have been watching porn for 13 years.
I learned that I'm addicted when I first tried to quit/take a long break about 3 years ago and noticed that I have a hard time doing so. By now I've probably tried a dozen times.

In the past 2 years I got into femdom hypnosis videos and porn addict hypnosis videos on pornhub, which I'd consider the epitome of my addiction. They didn't make things easier but they did reveal the self-destructive side within me, which wasn't as obvious with normal porn.

I masturbate on average 1-2 times a day. About two month ago I started to feel a dull pain inside my pelvic area connected to my left nut during masturbation, when I masturbate too often in a row. If any of you guys experienced something similar, I'd like to know more.
The fact that the pain didn't make me decrease my masturbation frequency was another wake-up call. I don't think it's anything severe health wise, when I take a break for two days the pain is gone. But since I generally don't take breaks it stays.

Despite my severe addiction I did make some progress. I used to masturbate in the bathroom of my friends house, because we got high and I knew it would feel great. I'd also masturbate in the bathroom of my trade school I used to go to. I also used to jerk off in the cabin where me and my friends would meet for new years eve. Often I'd watch porn on my phone at these places.
I'm obviously ashamed of that. But I'm proud to say I got rid of it. I've successfully constricted masturbation to my home in private since almost a year.

My goal for now is to quit Porn. I will continue to masturbate, because I don't wanna juggle too many balls at once. Eventually I also want to decrease the amount of times I masturbate to 2-3 times per week. I think there's nothing wrong with that.
My Reason: I've read all those various positive effects quitting porn supposedly gives, like increased happiness, confidence, strength, just general massive improvement of quality of life. To be honest, that doesn't make me wanna stop.
Because first of all I don't know whether it's true before I actually get there and second I don't consider myself unhappy or shy and I have no problems to make myself work out.
The real reason for me to stop is for my future wife. I want to have a wife and kids. I want to start that family within the next 9 years. I'm aware that they will be at the core of my life. A porn addiction has the potential to destroy that future marriage.
I've already experienced that it decreases sexual sensitivity. Sex is the foundation of every relationship and so I don't want that foundation to be corrupted from the start. That's why I wanna quit.
Apart from that I can just feel that my psyche is sick when it comes to the realms of lust. I've played too much with it, gave it too much power. I've raised a monster that yells for food every day. I don't even remember what lust was like before porn. That's sad enough.

Until now my pride prevented me from going to forums and installing software. I relapsed again over a week ago (after a 9 day streak). Now I'm sure I'm too weak willed to get it done on my own. And believe me, I fucking hate to admit that one. I've installed porn blocking software on all my devices today..

This goal is one of seven that I've set in the Future Authoring Program by Prof. Jordan Peterson. I highly recommend it in case you're connecting your reboot with self-improvement too.

If you read 'til hear, I appreciate it!

Oh man... this journey is gonna suck. But so did the veggies when I was a kid.

Peace

 

You know, I've actually wondered if it doesn't make things harder if you keep engaging the brain with this subject. Even if it's about stopping, the thoughts navigate around porn/masturbation. I'm not sure. Maybe it's about transforming the way one thinks about it, so it could help to read a lot of posts.

I hear ya man, unfortunately this is pretty impossible for me, because I'm a freelancer working at home at my computer all day long. I've made a really complicated password for the blocking software and hid the piece of paper in a hardly accessible place. I'll have to trust that this buffer is big enough.