Journey for freedom

There are several ministries that are designed to help guys like us stick to a plan to battle porn addiction.
One of my favorite ones is called "Pure Desire", and there is a program that came out of that ministry called the "Conquer Series". I've gone through it a couple of times, and there are some basic concepts that apply:
1.Accountability, so either getting into a small men's group where there is honest sharing and communal prayer or something like what we are doing on this forum. Staying in contact with your "accountability partners" throughout the week, and having software on your phone/computer that sends reports to a trusted Christian brother, so He can see if you've been viewing porn
2.Journaling daily, in other words examining what your struggles and triggers are throughout the day, writing them down, so you can identify things you should avoid in the future etc.
3.Meditating on Scripture, so the Word of God can sink into your soul
For me, personally, it comes down to asking myself the following question:
Is there hope for me or am I too far gone to be rescued out of this terrible cycle of addiction?
Check out the following Scripture:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.1 John 1:9
We can be cleansed from this! But we have to confess and repent! God won't help us unless we do our part. But we have to do very little in comparison to what He is giving us in return, which is Eternal Life!!!!

 

Did you read my post?

 

I would like to share with you that I was able to put a finger on the "wound" that caused my porn addiction to begin with way back when I was a little guy about 9 years old. It was my father, and I felt like he didn't approve of me, because he never really spent time with me or talked to me. On top of that, I found his playboy magazines, and discovered what his primary interest was. So, like father, like son.....
For so many of us guys it's a father wound. And then, later in life I sought approval from my wife, but at the same time despised her for it! So, it's really messed up.
Most of the time, my triggers are arguments with or rejection from her. But it also became a general coping skill for any stress in life, job stress, financial stress, any type of failures etc.
I am glad that you are journaling brother, I know it has helped me a lot, and also, writing on this forum is a form of journaling as well.
You know, I became a Christian believer back in 2001, but until recently never really had a passion for God's word. When I accepted Christ as Savior, I had a deep realization about my sinful nature, but totally missed the importance of the Word being a constant guiding light in my life!
This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.Joshua 1:8
"Meditation can be defined as a practice where an individual focuses their mind on a particular object, thought or activity to achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm state."(Wikipedia)
So, when you pick a passage from Scripture that you particularly like, go somewhere, where you are not going to be disturbed, where you are able to clear your head of any other thoughts, concerns etc. and either read or say it out loud several times, and then let it just sink into your soul, and it will speak to you.
My favorite place to do this is in my small office room at home sitting in my recliner with my heat pad on my back to relax me.
I think a good Scripture to start with might be:
Thine, O Lord, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O Lord, and thou art exalted as head above all.1 Chronicles 29:11
Brother, I know you want to be delivered from this, as do I. This forum can be a great resource for us, if we stay committed to posting and encouraging each other!

 

For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead Romans 1:20
What this means to me is that God is evident in His creation. When we are in natural places like the place you described in New Mexico, and we "behold" the awesome beauty of nature, I believe that is a form of worship, and it's similar to meditating on the Word, because both the Word and His Creation are ways that reveals Himself to us.
Just take Christ's example of where He went to pray and commune with the Father:
And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone. Mat 14:23
Moses led the Israelites into the wilderness to meet with their God, maybe the landscape was similar to what you saw on your mission trip!

 

Thanks for sharing. I was introduced to porn through my dad as well when I was about the 9 or 10. Over the last 5 years, I increased my PMO in order to escape anxiety and fear of failure. I remember, when I was in college, I would have great prayer walks in the woods next to the school. The peace and connection with God and creation was amazing. I used to have regular "mystical" experiences back then. I suppose that age of self discovery helped those moments be more frequent. To attain my PM mode goal I decided to use prayer/meditation. Since I have disconnected from my emotions, it has been harder to sit down or walk around and talk to God. Harder still to listen. But, your posts have helped me decide to be more disciplined.

This is my second day on NoFap and I'm still learning how it all works.

 

Thanks for posting. I have had that same emotional block you talk about for so long now.
I had a hard time praying, and finding that place where I was connecting to God. I am slowly going there now, very slowly, because I am still having some hangups with bitterness over certain things in my past.
But there has been a major realization lately that I haven't been allowing myself to stumble without beating myself up over it, which had caused me to not be able to accept God's forgiveness and mercies.
For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 1 Peter 1:23

 

Glad to read that you are learning to receive forgiveness without beating yourself up. God's love is empowering when we let it in.

My own PMO got so bad that I was losing about 15 hours a week for a few months. I "work" from home on Mondays and have Fridays off when my family is away at work and school. When I would break out of PMO I could get a lot done, but then I would give in. The longest I have been without PMO is 10 days since my days after college. I get in a trance like state before I turn on an incognito window. I am too ashamed to admit how much time I have wasted and how many times I arrived late someplace because I had alone time at home.

Reading your struggles, victories, and faith is very helpful. I am not alone and neither are you. God puts people in our lives so that we can experience God's love through one another. I woke up and went to a church activity this morning. When I left my house, it smelled like rain was coming and there was a cold wind. I began to tear up. My numbness is dissipating. A week ago, I would have logged on for PMO before going out. This morning my focus was not on porn, but on the weather and the activity. I remember periods of time when I was truly present to my life, the lives of others, and God. This morning felt like that for about 10 minutes.

 

Hey Prodigal,

you mention computers are one of your unavoidable triggers. Something that helped me while I was writing my masters thesis and I had hours on end everyday at home alone was to go to a coffee shop with my laptop. Sometimes I knew I couldn't trust myself to be alone with a computer so by taking my laptop to a public place I gained some accountability for the price of a latte. It kept me more productive to. Just a suggestion.

 

I like the "Road of Sanctification's" post because it points out how a lot of us have too much isolation in our lives. I remember how when I first started "going to church", right after I accepted Christ as Savior, about 17 years ago now, I would get charged up from the music, preaching and fellowship, but then it would all sort of dissipate during the first part of the week, and I would start isolating myself again out of discouragement because I would fail in so many different ways. It was a major roller coaster for me.
Some of us live in less populated areas, or for whatever reason, don't have a lot of contact with other people etc., but I believe that God built the desire for friendship, fellowship and social interaction into us, because so much of the Scriptures direct us in the ways we are to interact with other people. And, if you really analyze the porn addiction, it stems from an intense longing for intimacy!
I agree that we, at times, need to force ourselves into social settings, so that we have at least some level of accountability from other people, even if it's indirect.
Most of us are not going to sit in a group setting and start viewing porn and masturbating.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18

 

You know, honestly, it boils down to what we believe in our "heart of hearts"!
We tend to categorize people into groups, like "Christians" or "non-believers" or "atheists" or "extremists" or "fundamentals" or whatever, but the truth is, EVERYBODY believes in a certain truth at any given time. When I "relapse", or engage in porn viewing, at that particular moment I am believing that this is worth my time, and I am believing that God's truth revealed in the Scriptures isn't actually true for me right now. Either that, or I am somehow justifying my actions by either ignoring His guidance, or "interpreting" the Scriptures to support my actions. Yes, the enticement is strong for sure. But do we believe in principal over desire, or desire over principal? Honestly!

 

It's time to start applying some discipline.....We can do this! One day at a time....tomorrow I want you to say: I made it day 1!!!!!