Virgin in my 30's: Am I a loser ?

Any girl that "laughed in your face" is trash anyway, so be glad that you found out that they're scum sooner than later. But no you're not a loser; so much of the judgment toward older virgins stems from the "need" to fit in, to be cool, etc. & because you are not "cool" folk feel the need to let you know; but in reality they're self conscious and preconsumed with doing saying being what everyone else wants them to do so they don't get judged: its a dumb social game - it really doesn't matter and the people who do think it matters to the extent that they judge others for it can get bent. That 10% yes vote can fuck off as well lol: they're on a forum for people who jerk off too much (ain't exactly in a position to call someone else a loser just because they haven't fucked).

And honestly after you lose it you'll wonder what the big deal was, don't get me wrong sex is good but its not what people make it out to be like a godly unreal experience. People hype it up and act like sex is extremely important, because that too is what everyones doing and what everyone is judging. When you do lose it you'll prolly cum really fast so be aware of disappointment that first run lol. I came in like half a second, felt bad for the girl.

I'm bad at sex so maybe I'm not one to give advice, just wanted to let you know that being a virgin isn't bad or good, its no one's business. That being said you shouldn't outright tell a girl you're dating that you are a virgin, I reckon that'd be a turn off.

 

I'm a 50yo virgin. It's no big deal. I have a 6 figure job, my own house, go on cruises and other wonderful trips, and I have fun hobbies that I enjoy. I'm wonderfully blessed and I'm going to guess you have many blessing you can be thankful for also if you stop to look. There's so much more to life than sex.

 

Just want to agree that you are definitely not a loser! I commend you. Keep living by your own values. I pray you find out what you are looking for! And yes also you will find that abstaining from p/m will help give you confidence and clearer mindedness and help you with your goals! Best wishes!!!

 

Yeah agreed with most of the other men on this thread. Sex and my virginity is something I wanted to give up at the first chance and get amongst it, but now looking back it's been sad road bro. Constantly trying to fit into a hole, paying, and trying to trick myself into believing it's all ok. In reality I wish I'd saved it for the right person.

Sex is honestly meaningless. It's a lie that we as a society have been sold to believe.

When you know somethings wrong and you still do it, you know you have a problem. Keep with it man, and I'm typing this honestly and from my heart (literally tearing up as I write this): I've never met you but you're my hero bro. I wish I could be as strong as you man and I regret it every single fucking day of my life. I have to constantly live with the reality that I may meet the perfect girl for me and it may mean nothing. Because of the mistakes, I've made I have to suffer, and I know I may suffer for the rest of my life. But what I can do is to help others not make the same mistake, keep being yourself and I hope your first time is with someone you deeply love.

This goes to any virgin out there reading this: don't think of what you've missed out on because you haven't missed out on much. Think of the value you're creating in your first experience and appreciate it for all its true beauty.

 

I appreciate your words and I believe there is hope for you! I regret things too but I also see Gods healing and redemption in my life and it’s encouraging. I pray the same for you!

 

You are not a looser man. I´m 22 and still a relationship virgin. You are in a better situation than mine, believe me. I´m not a virgin to sex, but never had a girlfriend or intimacy with girls. I already had sex with a lot of prostitutes and never had sex with a normal woman. I´m addicted to going to prostitutes and porn. You are a virgin, but you see, you never fell in the temptation to pay for sex and that´s something that I admire in you man. You have hope yet, you are still young and there´s a lot of good woman out there, that want to have real intimacy. Dont be afraid of talking with woman, even if you stare at someone that it´s super pretty. It´s just another human being like you and me. You are not less than other people bacause you never had a girlfriend. Show others some self-respect and look forward.

Do stuff that you like and see if you can meet woman. Try dance classes, gym, yoga, running, swimming, football,.... , I don´t know what you like to do, but find something. Find a hobby that you like and get in touch with woman, even if they already have a boyfriend or are married. Invite them to a coffee and insist with them, even if it´s just for friendship, because that´s going to develop in you more confidence and they can give you tips for when the real deal happen. Show up and don´t be at home all day. Talk to woman in the eyes and don´t show too much interest in them, because it will show them that you are desperate. Try to make yourself confortable when talking to them and talk about yourself, don´t be afraid of showing them your weakness or your defects of character, because we all have them. No one is perfect. If they look at you as looser, then NEXT, because she´s not better than you. You will find someone that cares about you if you are honest with yourself and others. being a virgin is not a problem, you will know what to do, if you fell in love with someone. I never was in love, so I don´t know the feeling, but for what I already read in Tolstoi books, it´s a wonderful experience. Head up, you can do it.
I´m trying to do this, that I´m telling you, but before I have to stop PMO for at least 90 days.

 

No one is a loser even 70 yr old vergins.

When u meet the girl of ur dreams, she'll be the happiest girl in the world

 

Simple answer, No.

 

Thank you for your words, im in the same situation that the author of this post, even the same age.
The thing that really disturbs me more than what im missing, is the "social judgement": i literally panic that somebody of my workplace would find that im a Virgin, so i try to avoid social activities after work... i went to a psychologist once and she recommended that i need to have a made-up history of some ex to be prepared if the topic ever shows up, but thats make me feel more weird

 

I'm 30 and a virgin too. You're not a loser, nor is anyone else that's still a virgin. I know sometimes it's hard not to feel bad about it but that's only because our culture puts so much emphasis on it when really it's a pretty meaningless thing.

 

Hey man, being a virgin doesn't define you. It isn't who you are. That's like if you had black hair and you were worried that people would think you're weird for having black hair. And now you need to find a story about why your hair is black or something. Nobody really cares man, they care more about if you're a good friend and a nice person to be around.

There's a philosophy from Alan Watts which I think might apply to this situation. There are really divine and holy men in Tibet and India but they all have one thing that makes them imperfect. They pray everyday but they like to get drunk, or their addicted to food or cigarettes. They are imperfect by one small thing and that's what makes them so holy. They realize that they will never be able to get rid of that small imperfection because if they got rid of it, they wouldn't be "real" anymore. It's like adding salt to food. Salt by itself if bitter and tastes bad, but a small amount of it is necessary to make a dish amazing. You NEED it.

Think of the panic as your small imperfection. It's something that everybody has, and that's what makes us all so interesting. Don't be scared of the panic man, it's natural. And if it ever does come up, just say you're a virgin and see what happens. When you overcome your panic, your virginity might be your metaphorical salt. Then after that there will be something else. It'll always be there and that's what makes each person so amazing bro.

 

@bra131217

TLDR: Judging from my experience going from 24 yo virgin to having a couple of girlfriends the last couple of years, I don't think you are a loser. You just had the wrong goals and priorities and lack of knowledge and didn't take action and weren't committed. You got what you deserved and wanted in a sense because of past actions.

I lost it at 24. pretty late by my standards. I didn't tell the women until days after. She said it was the best sex she ever had though lol. The reason it took awhile to have sex the first time was a combination of PMO and also just not really going after what I wanted. I wasn't going after anything and had no goals or vision and was content with being lazy and keeping the status quo trapped in bad habit loops and feeling sorry for myself. I then started taking action and being more assertive. I got rejected, then I read books and studied programs on women and self improvement in general. This helped out. I got success with women after. but I have a long way to go but I am better than before. Going from that I can maybe give some thoughts.

I want to start by saying I dont know you at all.

To answer your question, I dont think you are a loser. You probably just had your priorities mixed up and weren't really honest with yourself, and weren't honest about what you really wanted as far as your social and romantic life.

If you really desired to have sex with a women all this time, and your actions were a reflection of that, and you continuously did what you could to meet women and went on dates, saught out advice, and truly desired to do what it took to meet a women.. you definitely would not be a virgin right now. Almost 100% guaranteed. You seem like an intelligent person and if you really made it a goal to be with a women and committed 100% to that goal you would achieve it.

What I think happened and what I'm GUESSING is that all these years you really didn't do what you needed to do and you kinda just were on a certain level satisfied with your current social life and PMO. This was me for awhile and got me trapped in bad habit loops and avoiding opportunities.

Therefore you are not really a loser. You got what you kinda wanted and deserved in a way. You had the wrong goals and priorities. You took the actions and it led to were you are now.

If I were you I would ask myself if I really wanted to do what it took to get a girl and is it even what you really want.

Do you want to become an attractive person to women? Do you really care?

Or are you content with just being lazy and using PMO.

Again, I dont know you at all. All I have is your post and my experience to go off of. Dont be a pussy and fool yourself like I did in the past. Really think about what you want in a women and a relationship. Do you really want to get to know a women.

If you do, then commit yourself to doing it, stop thinking that you are an intrinsic loser. you are not. that is not possible. You are a human being and you are capable of getting what you want. it will require much dedication, pain, effort and change and action.

Some things that come to my mind as far as practical action steps.

Read books on women and start developing the social life you want by doing activities and awesome shit you and everyone else would like. Start working out, do shit you like to do and genuinely enjoy. At this point you dont need to tell the women you are a virgin if you dont want to. If you are a cool, carefree, fun person, genuine, honest, have friends and support yourself, going towards things you want, progressing in life, positive, you will be attractive to women regardless of anything.

As far as being rejected because you are a virgin.. If you dont have a problem with it, the women wont either. If you develop a personality that has the characteristics that I mentioned earlier and have shit going on women and people in general wont really give a shit if you are a virgin, because you are awesome to be around. One option is to say that it is what you wanted to do up to this point if it really comes up, which is kind of the truth. In your own mind, make your virginity a small thing, and have a positive self image. The girl and everyone else wont make a big deal out of it if you dont. Even if they do, fuck em. You dont need em.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a virgin. I lost my virginity at 18. It felt rushed and underwhelming. I've thought often what it would have been like to save it for a more special person. Too many people take it for granted. Find that special girl and lose it the right; no matter your age.

 

No you are not a loser. If you think your situation is bad I'd imagine there are far worse. Instead of being a 31 year old virgin you could be a 31 year old with an array of sexually transmitted diseases. Keep that in mind.

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-...things-phone-std-free-guarantee-a8154591.html
@bra131217
Yes I understand. Wasnt really even talking about casual sex in perticular, the comment I made earlier still applies for dating in general.

I understand your fear, but using your fear as an excuse to stop yourself from going after a women you want is ridiculous. There are solutions out there. For example the link about is an article about an app that creates a contract for consensual sex. This was found with a 2 second google search. Like I said, if you are committed to getting what you want and are resourceful and persistent.. you can get it. Otherwise if you just keep making excuses for not trying you will really be a loser and not give yourself a chance to getting what you want.

If you are talking about stopping yourself from going after a women that you work with.. yes that is usually not a good idea. Breaking up with a women you work with is usually hell and sexual harassment can come into play. So in general yeah stay away from women at the workplace.

I know what you might be thinking... "a girl would never sign that." Why not? If you were honest about it, spun it the right way, and the girl liked you well enough, she would sign it if she understood what it was, and that it would in no way have any negative effect on her life. Even if she doesnt, then you are right back where you started and then you can move on to the next girl.

You dont even need to have casual sex if you dont want to. Even with "noncasual sex" you still need to figure out how to attract a women. Otherwise she is not going to bother wanting another date.

 

I am 27 yo virgin.

As you can see man, you are not alone. There are many virgins in this world.

Some people say that they would prefer not to lose their virginity and give it to the right person. I don't think they know the stress/loneliness that we feel sometimes.

In my case it is not the virginity thing but the fact that I never had a girlfriend in my life.
Yesterday I dreamed that I was with a gf (I don't remember the girl) doing something. Then I woke up and I felt a void, an emptiness so big.
I have a big familty. I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters. All of them are in relationships. I don't even have friends. It is tough man. Rly tough.

I thinking being a virgin is very similar to loneliness. And most the times the former imply the later.
There are studies that show that not getting laid makes you anxious and lonely.

I created an account in this forum because I wanted to "self-improve" and fight my sissy porn addiction.
I have to tell you that sissy porn addiction is almost gone because of nofap. I never had long streaks, but trying to have long streaks made my stupid (manless) fetish go away. I have to admit that my libido is lower than it was but I prefer this way.

About the virginity thing I guess that there is no point in waiting for a special woman lol. I think we are the ones who have to look for them.
We will never meet a girl by just waiting

 

I am 31.5 years old.

At 7 I took off my sister’s panties, touched her labia briefly (no penetration), I also would get erections that young and my sister watched it. Basically sex play. There was a lot of sex books in our house and our curiosity made us read them. No kissing or sex happened between and my sister who is 2 years older.

At 10, a girl may have kissed me on the check during a group of kids playing cards. I don’t remember. Just remember it feeling nice. But I drove her away or ran away sort of. She also may have tried to enter my room at the camp but I wouldn’t let her through the door.

At 11, three girls said ”heeeey” passing me by, the noticed me because I was good looking with wide shoulders. I was alone and had no idea how to respond. My mom told me to say “go away stupid” which I said, not sure if they heard.

At 12, girls said “hiiii” and laughed to each other and looked at my response, they also stared at me because I was good looking. I was alone and they were together. I couldn’t talk. This happened in sixth and seventh grade. Boys would say “the girls WANT you!” I could not take advantage of my popularity even though I craved to hug, be kissed and toich their tits and butts.

At 8 and 9th grade school dance I groped the ass and tits of every girl I danced with. Without their permission. Later I felt horrible shame for embarrassing myself so badly for the next ten years. People said the girls told them I made them feel uncomfortable and were surprised at the attention I gave them.

At 9 th grade, a summer camp girl came up to me with two friends who told me she likes me. We danced. I tried to flirt. Even asked for her number. She said she has a bf but have me her real number. I called and her dad picked up. I knew I had no idea what I was doing and did bother again.

I gave up on trying to date. I knew I was different (autistic.) I had no friends. I could not talk to people. I watched porn online since I was 11 years old.

I went on 20-30 dates. Through online, a few through my step moms friends. One or two after meeting a girl at a night club. The girls never wanted to see me again after the first date.

I managed to kiss a girl at 23! I met her at a swing dance class. Then I kissed a girl met at a contra dance, and then another one at the same dance. That girl came to my house and we got naked and kissed. Twice. She did not want to have sex with me and felt unhappy about hanging out with me.

Then I kissed and got naked with a girl who stayed at my house through Couchsurfing I was 30 years old and she was 18. I stuck my penis in her vagina with a condom, but she was a Virgin and it did not go in without hurting her so I stopped. She said “just fuck me” I was fat and awkward and penis was numb from being erect for two days in a row almost. I did not have the coordination to duck her intensely so I gave up. She did not want to have sex with me anymore.

Here I am at 31.5 yearsold looking at all the pretty girls who are now mostly younger than me. My sex rive is lower. Now I know I feel uncomfortable with sex. But also I don’t feel the same electricity I used to from women.

I also go to strip clubs which makes me depressed and makes me lose attraction to women which scares an upsets me. I spent like $5,000 already

I used to hope to learn to date a girl. Now almost like I don’t have a reason to live. I was hoping to learn and be sexy and be good at a job and financially. Live with a girl.

Now all these hopes are mostly gone. And I am afraid.

The amount of attention and success I got from women when I was well dressed is unbelievable compared to being normally dressed. So get sexy clothing from a store like JCrew or Express. New clothing. Jeans should be taken to a trailor to trim to your exact leg length. Shoes should be sexy and new. Have a woman help you pick them. Then go to a social dance class like swine dance or salsa dance. Eventually a girl will hint that she wants to spend time outside and you will follow up with sure let’s do it. It will turn into a date and you will kiss.