I think things are great...

It takes consistency. In affair recovery it’s 2-4 years for the (betrayal trauma) betrayed SO to start feeling and normal again and it can be dragged out even longer when it’s not handled appropriately by the betrayer and even the betrayed partner. What’s you are saying is quite normal with experiencing betrayal trauma and loss of trust. It took 4 years (from DDay #1 IRL cheating from my hubby) and the other shoe to drop (DDay #2 the true depth/scope of PA) for the real change to happen.
It’s often hard to trust the good feelings as you can tend to not trust them, that they are not real too. You loose trust in everything including your own emotions, I know I did. I’m only now feeling the recovery with trust with everything but I still have moments at times where I can question if it’s to good to be true. It’s no where near as frequent or crushing as it once was.
It takes time to go through the phases and come out at the end of tunnel but it will happen when you are ready.

 

I have had the same problem! Whenever I feel "too" happy I pull back because I get nervous that he will stop doing the work (which has happened to us many times before). So I said to my husband, "Just because I might smile, remember I am still in pain. I am in pain 24/7" and the other day even though when my husband messaged me I said my day was overall going well, he texted back, "I am sorry you're in pain" and I was confused and he said, "I know that just because you're doing okay right now, doesn't mean you're not in pain as well" and that was the first time I think he "got it" so to speak.

An SO reboot, in my opinion, is taking care of yourself.

For me what I do is:
1. Get educated about porn addiction so I can better understand what is going on
2. Figure out my feelings around all this and my triggers
3. Be in Individual Therapy to address my triggers and feelings surrounding this
4. Figure out what I NEED to heal and figure out boundaries
5. Set boundaries and consequences
6. Weekly check-ins about his recovery and how it's going
7. "Me" time which can be anything I find fun or pleasuring (not sexually!). Like reading a book, doing things that make me happy like my writing, talking with a friend, working on a personal goal, etc.
8. Couples Therapy at the time both you and your partner agree it's beneficial

Also average healing time for this is between 3-5 years. I am almost 2 years in!

 

I feel this way constantly! because I'm always waiting for "it" to happen again, especially when I least expect it.

110%

 

@Mrs.J , @Jagliana
I agree with both of you 100% about both problems. You've pinpointed experiences very relevant to my life at this exact moment!

 

This is exactly what I am going through right now!!

 

That I know of, my husband hasnt cheated on me physically. I imagine that would make it much harder. However, I feel like I never really got over it or didnt fear porn.... Even after 5 years of him being clean I still thought about it almost everyday.

I did, however start thinking about it far more when he had a relapse, even though I didnt know he was relapsing....