Anti Social Problems

I know how it feels. I have 1 friend to hang out with.

Watch videos, read, educate yourself about the benefits of Nofap. Then you cam change

 

I'm the same. I've never been a very social person. People annoy me easily and I tend to retreat back into my apartment after being around them for a short while. This of course, makes it easier to fall back into porn unless you're really really determined.

 

i am similar, not many friends, but know i need to focus on me and my issues first and then re-enter the world, whatever that may mean

 

I totally can relate to what the others have said: I usually meet new people with this insanely high expectations and I get nothing but frustrations in return. SO as result, I don't have anyone to talk to (nor I really want to, now that I relapsed). Still, since my dream girl and some friends won't magically fall into my lap, I decided I need to work on myself and on my NoFap streaks more deeply.

I guess no one can imagine others having that same issues of self-confidence and relating to others, but by the responses on this thread, I can say many people have these same issues.

 

can relate quite fully to you dude
and agree, focus on you first

 

loneliness, negative thinking and social anxiety were(are) my major problems which lead me to relapse.......but this time i am rock solid determined.....and look i have achieved 82 days without masturbation

 

I can relate to this too. Other that work I hardly interact with people. When I try it seems to get awkward fast.

I tried to go out and meet people this past Sunday morning and it flopped. I ended up by myself most of the time and felt even lonelier.

I figure why bother? But my therapist is pushing me to get out of the house more and start socializing, which I do need. So I'll try again. Being alone so often is certainly a key factor in my struggles.

 

i used to use a site called meetup.com , considering doing so again, on there, their are also groups for shyness and associated things, so it might be useful to get you going

i used to play squash via the site and do other activities, there are loads on there, an activity makes the socialising aspect easier

 

Thanks, I’ll check it out.

 

good luck man

 

Hey as a fellow new member hello! Also can I ask some follow up questions? Like are there specific triggers for you? Late at night? Certain movies? or Alcohol?

 

hello all of you!

 

Hey All,

My name is Elijah and I have completely recovered from a porn addiction. I can relate deeply to this thread as my habits with porn were directly related to the isoloation that I placed myself in. - thanks for bringing this up.

Still to this day one of my behaviours is to isolate myself, even though I'm constantly with people and in a relationship where we are pretty much together all the time, I'll still find myself retreating if I am going through something "like I just need my space". It's a separation from everyone els and it is very lonely to feel that the people around me are not supportive or enjoyable.

What I have learnt, is that loneliness and isolation is actually not a bad situation, even though it feels very hard and leads to all kinds of behaviours, it's actually just a reflection of how we are with ourselves.

The first separation and isolation happens within us, where we leave ourselves and seperate from who we are. What I began to focus on was not "getting out and socialising" like many would say to do (because that was hard and uncofortble) but I focused on coming back to me, dealing with the relationship issues I had with myself. Forgiving myself for past and current behaviours, learning to adore myself, going easy on myself, allowing myself to express how I feel, making time for me, just loving myself on a deep level.

This was a great tool to build my confidence, soon my social life, love life and work life began to flourish as it was now a reflection of my relationship with me. The reason for the large change was that I felt confident because I felt like I could deal with any situation that arose because I was a team with myself, when we are seperate of ourselves we can be our own worst enemy and this makes any situation very hard.

I know these days that as soon as I feel anxious in a social situation or want to run away or isolate myself, I know to check how I am with myself. I almost sit myself down to have a chat and connect and try to get back to a loving and supportive relationship with myself.

With love,
Elijah.

 

appreciate this posting Elijah

any tips for us on the stopping pmo journey

 

Hello,

My jurney was very much a struggle for a long time. Starting masterbation at the age of 12 and then Porn at the age of 14 which lasted until I was about 22. It went in different phases of intense and light on as through this time I was in and out of relationships, some were busy times with work and some times I had days with nothing to do at all. The PMO changed as I went through these phases.

Pornograohy was a huge part of my life, and ever since the beginning it was something I was ashamed about. I hid it from everyone (as you do) and I never spoke about it. It was this big elephant in the room that I was always trying to hide. But it was easy because my family and friends didn’t want to speak about it either, and they could definitely see and feel the elephant in the room. We know that’s it’s not a comfortable topic to speak about so we don’t go there.

I remember my mum caught me by accident one day, and we never spoke about it, we just pretended like it never happened. This confirmed the feelings that I was having that I was alone in this and I needed to figure it out myself.

The thing that remained consistent though the pornograohy addiction was that I never liked that I did it, and I never was proud of it and always felt guilty.

The porn style went from soft to hard to absolutely plainly abusive to men and wemon, I was basically watching wemon get abused and being aroused by it. You could say that I was “in deep”.

I tried lots of things to stop (I didn’t know of this website back then) but I tried disciplining myself to go without for a week, and I tried some Christian values like asking for forgiveness. Every time I did porn I would have a cold shower as I needed to feel cleansed. Then I would motivate myself that I would never do it again, only to be doing it again that night.

So how did I get free from PMO, well I learnt something that was key to letting it go. And that was the difference between “healing” and “changing”. And I learnt this through many of my friends at the time and through the teachings of somone who inspires me named Serge Behhayon. The whole time I was wanting to change my porn behaviour! I didn’t like it and I wanted it out. But everything I did to try and change did not work. Eventually I gave up! And when I gave up I decided that I was going to accept that this was apart of my life and that I’m not perfect. What came soon after were feelings of sadness, that this behaviour has been holding me back from love and more connection in my life. I decided that I was going to not try to change anymore but just start to “try” and love myself more, try to connect to myself more, I even said “well if I’m going to do porn then I’m going to really enjoy it and love myself deeply afterwards”. It didn’t take long before I didn’t need the porn anymore, and that was because I had more love and connection in my life. I had intimacy with myself. This was the healing that happened.

Sometimes when I disconnect from myself and shut down then I seek things to fill me up, I don’t go to porn anymore because it’s just not in me to do that, but I will go to other things such as sugary foods, it’s not Porn, but at its root it’s the same behaviour and I don’t see any behaviour worse then another. So even though I don’t do porn I’m always still working on connecting to myself and observing my berhavours that are not supportive and bringing some love to them.

With love,
Elijah.

 

Once you get past these feelings, good will come. This is my second time getting a decentstreak and im feeling the benefits

 

Honestly I am anti-social because people’s annoyed me and somehow bother me, but I have friends.

 

There’s certainly something to be said about that. You’re not the only one that feels that way.

 

It’s not that I tried to be social but universe is telling that people’s are the worst of the worst.