The difficulty of staying the course.....

I haven't been on here for a while as I have not been on my own for a while. And that is when temptation kicks in. But so far so good. I've 48 days on my counter so far and I have stopped counting them. No porn and no masturbation. And for me, most importantly, no webcams. They were taking over all of my spare time when I should have been doing something that made me feel good. I don't have strong feelings against porn or masturbation - it all depends on context and how you feel while you are doing it. An addiction for me is the problem. If you can take it or leave it then its ok as long as you are not harming anyone else. If you have a need for something then you have to address it. I used porn casually - if my wife was away with the kids for a few days and I was trying to do some work, for example, sex was distracting me from what I wanted to do so I'd indulge in some light porn, a quick wank and then get back to what I was doing. It's natural - every 2-3 days as a man, the need arises - literally. You can develop willpower and resist it but I never found it had a negative influence on me so no problem.
However when I began looking to get more out of the experience, that's when addiction crept in. I remember using a webcam for the first time and feeling an unadulterated rush, a thrill, a sense of excitement that I hadn't had in years. Like I had broken some boundary - which I suppose I had. It felt a little like cheating, a little like experimenting and it definitely felt like forbidden territory. A bit like sex was when you first discover it - your first porn magazine, the first sexual urges you remember - that sort of thrill. And that is where addiction starts. When you try and capture that thrill again and again. It keeps boredom at bay and gives you something to look forward to - especially if you are unfocused. So any time a lull in my life creeps in, my temptations come knocking. And they are not necessarily all bad habits - many people enjoy them sensibly. Playing games is one for me. Mindlessly wasting time on games - I don't really enjoy them - I use them as an escape and feel bad afterwards because I am using them to avoid something else.
Everyone has there reasons for being on here. Everyone has some issue that is driving their addictions or problems. Here it is porn or masturbation or sexual issues but it could just as easily be another element in your life. The key thing I have noticed is that it is always avoidance. Avoiding confronting something you are scared of. Your past, your present or your future. My advice is to try to be mindful when the temptation pops up. As soon as it does try and remember what you were thinking just before that. If you can get to those thoughts, you will get to the key to your problems and maybe find some real answers. And happiness and contentment lie there.
Stay the course my friends and lets find our answers.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I just want to clarify something. My reasons for joining the community were due to an addiction to webcams - not porn. There are many things in life we may use but do not have an addiction to such as alcohol, drugs etc and similarly many other people use and are addicted to. I was never addicted to porn - honestly I can take it or leave it, which is why it is not too hard for me to do this. Webcams and the interaction they involved were my addiction and it is addiction and the negative effects that has on your mind that is the problem. For me. But everyone is different and has their own issues with it.

 

Th

an

Thanks Spitfire. It was only really challenging when I was alone and not busy. Because that's when I used to indulge so it takes some time to change your habits. You get used to the routine and have to retrain your mind to not immediately go for the computer in that situation. I instead came on here and wrote or read others stories and then got back to what I should be doing - something more productive.... Hope that helps and good luck with your journey!