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Flaked on by the same girl 4 times now!

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by rikityrik, Mar 5, 2018.

  1. rikityrik

    rikityrik Fapstronaut

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    Hey fellow fapstronauts,

    So I have been texting this girl over Insta since late-December last year. This girl is extremely cute and has a great sense of humour (at least over text). Now this girl would engage in conversation with me, laugh at my jokes, and make plans with me to hang out, and cometh the day of the aforementioned "hang out", she just starts ignoring my texts, and be a no-show in the end.

    Now I had let her off the hook three times before today, and although I am a firm believer in the '3 strikes and you're out' principle, I gave her a fourth chance.

    Guess what, she flaked on me again today, without any sense of respect for my time and efforts, which is fair enough I guess, since it is a free market, and she is the ultimate "catch" in the dating world, whilst us men are just potential consumers.

    But my question is: what would you wise people of NoFap do if you were put in my shoes? It'll also be great if someone has had similar/worse experiences like this and would like to share their stories/outcomes.

    I would like to point out that I also do not believe in a 'scarcity mindset', and I have been hitting up other girls too ever since I started talking to her, but I felt like it's better to have a slightly broken bridge to get across than a burnt bridge, just in case (if you catch my drift).

    So lemme know fellas, your 2 cents would be much appreciated. :)

    PS: The pattern of flaking has been exactly the same all the 4 times- fluff talk, jokes, laughs, date set, on the day of the date no response, fluff talk again after a week.....and so on.
     
  2. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Hi I am female, but I have also done my share of online dating. My first thought is that the picture you see on insta, is not the person that you are actually talking with. In fact I have a VERY strong feeling that you are being catfished. That’s why she (or he) flakes when it comes time to meet up. My suggestion would be to block this individual, and never speak again. But if you insist, tell them you want to skype or FaceTime with them. If they refuse then be done with it. This person is not whom they say they are. You are wasting your time. And if it turns out that she is who she says she is, she’s likely married, or in some sort of relationship. People that you have never seen in person, that flake that much are VERY suspect. Watch a few episodes of catfish you will see what I mean.
     
  3. rikityrik

    rikityrik Fapstronaut

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    Hey GG2002, cheers for your reply. One thing I know for sure is that I am not getting catfished by this particular individual as we have a couple of mutual friends. Plus I see her updating her Insta stories of herself in places that I have been to (as we live in the same city) and with her face in those stories, so unlikely that I am getting catfished.

    However, it is likely that this girl is in some kind of relationship with another guy and is either playing games with me for laughs, or is keeping me around just in case. Unfortunately, I would never know what it is exactly that is going on. She did tell me that she is a very lazy person, and did not want to cancel on me the fourth time (when we were making plans last week), but she ended up doing just that, so it could be a case of pure laziness or maybe nervousness of dating someone? Maybe she hasn't dated much, and hence, is unaware of the basic etiquette involved. Still can't forgive her the fourth time, as this is just naive.
     
  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Have you Skyped or FaceTimed with her? I’m not sure how she can say she can’t do that?
    In any event it really does not matter what her reason is. She’s done it four times and you deserve better. I know sometimes we want a reason we need to know the answer is it something we did? But you almost never get the answer and if you do it does not help or make much sense. In online dating or people meeting people online this type of thing tends to happen more.
    People do what they want to do. If she wanted to meet up with you she would. I mean think about the type of person that she would be in a relationship? Sorry I’m too lazy to spend time with you?

    Somethings not right here. No I don’t think she’s nervous I think she’s shady or just enjoys the attention. You deserve much better! You won’t find that much better when focusing your attention on her.
     
    Vulkan likes this.
  5. rikityrik

    rikityrik Fapstronaut

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    I see your point, and it totally makes sense. Yeah it is a bit frustrating, but I feel I definitely deserve better than this.

    On the point of closure, would you say that I should at least send her a message asking her why she partakes in such behaviour, or should I just leave it and forget about her altogether as it is going to be a further waste of my time?
     
  6. I wouldn't bother. She seems to have an agenda and you're not gonna make her change. Sounds to me like she's stringing you along because either she likes the attention or she likes the hold she has on you. I would just 'flake' on her in return...permanently.
     
  7. It sucks to here but I used to have this happen to me but then I started a new program I call it one strike and out my time is to important to play games. So if I go to the place were we are supposed to meet and a women does not show up call me and does not return my phone call I never call them again delete number . If she calls like 40 minutes before the date with some excuse and does not apologize and offer a time that I would want not her time then I don't call them back move on. Somes even if they do apologize its always something else that's why I started the one strike out policy, when women like you they don't pull that shit it just that simple they show up on time What it comes down to is you have to value your time someone that doesn't I move on years in the dating scene tells me people that want second third chances are just time wasters
     
    rikityrik likes this.
  8. SCIPIED

    SCIPIED Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, she's a player, plays 'hot n' cold":

    when she is hot she catches your attention, and then suddenly goes cold ignoring you because she got all that she needed(attention, commitment, affection or what ever she associates with your "invitation to hang out" thing).
    Then.. once she feels you got cold(because she flaked you), she gets hoocked up (hot again) because you are cold and therefore even harder to get cause you've been flaked already and you are more careful!). She intends to get your attention again by playing the same game from the start, and she would flake you again and again (multiple times as long as you let her) because it's not about you or how good you are or about hanging out.. it's all about the game - she plays with everyone(even the hotest smartest alfa males) the same because she ain't looking for hang outs/dates/relationships, she's looking for victims to play her game.

    She drives you crazy because She purpousfully ?makes you think IT'S YOU who made her bored (mb I was too needy? mb she was not ready and i fucked it up too early?) - she aims to your insecurities (we all got those, it's common)
    Don't waste your time with players, look for girls that seek the same thing us you.
     
    rikityrik likes this.
  9. rikityrik

    rikityrik Fapstronaut

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    I say Amen to that bro. That is exactly what she is doing, and I am letting her do it to me, which is absurd on my part. Honestly, I have nexted her in my head anyway now. Can't be asked to play these games y'know. I wish this could be all straightforward, but it is a zero-sum game at the end of the day, so fair enough.
     
  10. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Do not send her anymore messages she does not deserve it and she knows very well the behavior she is engaging in is not okay but she does not care. She’s likely doing it to multiple other men. And you won’t get closure. You may think you will but you won’t. In this dating day and age you have to abandon that. Sometimes people just suck. The only thing you can do is find that out early and move on to those who don’t.
     
    rikityrik and Hitto like this.
  11. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    She drives you crazy because you let her. Don’t do that!
     
    rikityrik and Hitto like this.

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