HOCD or am I in hiding?

These thoughts are not yours, porn made you that way. You have to realise that in order to get rid of it. Spend more time with your girl and less time smoking weed.

1. stop watching gay porn and porn in general
2. if you fantasize get busy doing something. that willl hopefully replace your thoughts with something better
3. if weed increases these gay thoughts and fantasys quit that stuff. its not worth it
4. your dreams are a representation of what you deal with so if you do what i mentioned the dreams should start going away

I hope you can heal from this soon. I will pray for you

 

I totally agree. Cannabis use can also increase or worsen depression, anxiety and OCDs -

Dreams are representations of things and can have other meanings and dreams are also unwanted thoughts - people who would never think of doing it have unwanted dreams about incest and other things - its usually representative of something else.

Porn can escalate into all sorts of unwanted thoughts and behaviors - that's why it's good to quit! It will help you reset yourself.

 

It's always impossible to say whether it's genuine OCD or not, however OCD is primarily an anxiety condition. It generally takes a cycle of impulsive thoughts - obsessive rumination and then compulsive behaviour to manage the anxiety (hence "obsessive-compulsive disorder"). I had it pretty badly and you can get over it but it's really hard work.

Impulsive thoughts are common. We get thousands of them every day. Most of them just pass through your mind without you thinking about them. If you attach a particular emotional significance to them then this is how OCD starts. And obsessive thoughts fuel more impulsive thoughts and more compulsions.

This kind of talk is what fuels HOCD. A lot of this is probably porn induced but noticing that a guy has a big penis doesn't make you gay. This whole idea that if we say anything about another guy sounds gay and it just stands to perpetuate the anxiety. You have to stop saying stuff like "no homo" because every time you say stuff like that you are having an anxiety that someone might think that you're gay (hence that's part of your compulsions).

This will sound hard right now but this phrase is part of healing. You might be gay. You probably aren't but until you can accept that simple fact and be comfortable with that idea then you will never break the hold that OCD has on you. Overcoming HOCD is about breaking down the abnormal link that your brain has created. Don't tell yourself that you aren't gay when you get the thoughts but merely acknowledge them as an OCD thought and then resist the temptation to do your compulsions. Your brain is pretty good at telling which thoughts are OCD and which thoughts are genuine so don't listen to your brain. Just keep relabelling them. It's really, really hard at first but eventually they'll get better.

I'd highly recommend the book "Brain Lock" - it gives you a very approachable introduction to OCD and a simple framework for dealing with the OCD thoughts. It helps you understand what OCD is and uses a four step system to manage the OCD:

- relabel the thoughts as OCD
- reattribute the thoughts as a symptom of your OCD which is an imbalance of your brain chemistry
- refocus by doing something to distract yourself when you get the urge to do compulsions (common compulsions are "testing" yourself - this really doesn't help and just fuels the OCD further). You can also keep a journal if it helps
- revalue - don't take the thoughts at face value

https://ocduk.org/four-steps

Good luck!

 

Hey man, went through a similar situation. Gay thoughts popped into my mind constantly and gay porn was a major turn on the last years of using porn. fapped to gay porn most times and this always confused me. The male body turned me on but I never dared to do anything about it. I was very worried about being gay without having noticed and was very confused about my whole sexual orientation.
This is the conclusion I got to after some research, therapy and just observing myself.

1) if you're gay you should know this from the beginning of your life, it's not something that suddenly shows up. If you feel like you're not really gay but have some gay sexual thoughts...then you're not gay.

2) Porn can modify your sexual orientation. For me I simply accepted the fact that I was at least interested in guys and I called myself 'bisexual'. this relaxed me in the sense that I didn't have to block those kind of thoughts any more. I just observed them. they were part of my nature.

3)I was always attracted to the type of guy I would have liked to be: muscular, beard, etc etc. This gave the idea that this probably was not real desire to have sex but desire to achieve a certain goal. there is a thin line between desire and admiration.

4) As the reboot progressed these thoughts lost its power, not disappearing completely but up to the point of letting me interact with girls and have sex without any problems.

5)stop labeling your thoughts and just consider them as "sexual". relax about if they are gay or bi or straight. Just let go of that.

6) Pay attention, for me when the stress of life increases, these gay thoughts pop up again and again, and fade when i'm stable again.

Just let those thoughts be, be proud of who you are and keep loving your girl.

If you fall in love with another guy, then that might be an indication about being gay. But you should always check this in person, don't overthink this, just let it flow.

wish you the best man!

 

You are overthinking this ! This is called anxiety. You are caught in a loop and have no real person to talk to about this.
At the height of my P addiction, I watched the most weird P. Some really dark stuff too and was convinced that this is where my sexual orientation was headed. But after years of rewiring my brain and re framing my thoughts - they're gone.

I am not sure whether you're a believer or not, but I found that when I did not have a belief system I was continually searching for pleasure in life, not anymore.

If you were gay, you would acted on it the day you were high and made that comment.. there would have been little stopping you but.. even being high - your brain did not make you act on it.. this is a clear indication that it is P addiction that caused this.. see .. when addicted to P, we need a bigger hit each time the standard P no gets us going.. this is the same with any other addiction like drugs and alcohol.

Stay Strong and Steady On!

 

these should be stickied, seems like HOCD and porn induced "am I gay" comes up once a day here.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/are-sexual-tastes-immutable
researchers have shown that mammals can be conditioned (and sometimes reconditioned) to adjust their sexual response with surprising ease. Even humans have managed to increase or suppress penile erection or vaginal pulse in the lab when offered monetary reinforcement and/or instructional feedback.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/straight-men-gay-porn-and-other-brain-map-mysteries
porn users sometimes notice that as tolerance builds for their earlier tastes, they move in new directions in their search for intense arousal. Instead of seeking porn that accords with their former brain maps, many seek out what shocks them—perhaps because "forbidden" and "fear-producing," when combined with sexual arousal, offer a bigger brain chemical kick...at least for a time.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/sexual-fantasy-the-more-you-scratch-the-more-you-itch

 

I guide my sexual orientation by the life I deeply want for myself and the one I always wanted.
Just stick to that and keep calm, thoughts are secondary in this case.
Keep on rebooting, keep loving your girl.
If you have anxiety because of these thoughts, learn to observe them and do some meditation to relax your mind.

Example: you see a good lucking guy and think, he is hot, Am I gerting turned on??
Next: say to yourself, “oh i’m having those gay thoughts again” and just move on.
If you start stressing out by these thoughts you’re fueling the anxiety.
The more you pay attention to them the more they will keep showing up.
Just assume they’re normal, let them be and let them pass
There is a lot of people here that went through the same thing. Never read any case where the guy changed its sexual orientation.
Good luck!