P HOCD or denial - please help

Op here, i have been raised as an orthodox christian, i have never been comfortable with anyone being gay and whenever my life was normal and i was doing normal things outside and was still at school i never had anything for guys nor would i ever had one thought even when i was drunk to think of any guy for more than a friend however 'cute' or 'hot' they were, so since i always had a bit of an ADD, i always lost interest in things pretty quickly, and thats the same way my porn interest waned pretty fast between genres, but whenever i had changed genres from i always returned to heterosexual porn and content, and i always loved and fantasized girls, even if my porn consumption varied some of the time. I never liked guys irl, i quit school about 3 months ago and i had self confidence and anxiety issues, so i was in a confusing period of my life when i first smoked weed and had big family and life changes, and i had just been through a traumatizing period where i was very sick and was very scared, so when i first started getting panic attacks amd had symptoms of anxiety i got even more scared because i never shared my feelings with people in the past and i had predisposed fears of weed and i thought i would be in a state of anxiety for the rest of my life, and i felt that i had fucked up my life after having promising dreams as a child and i thought i wanted to be a millionaire and thought i knew everything i didnt believe mental ilnesses like anxiety disorders even existed cause i never been exposed to them even thought my brother had been through a 'phase' i thought i was immune to sadness or not having control of my thoughts, then as anxiety came on my life just like that all of my opinons and convictions of what i thought i knew suddenly i had doubt in, i started doubting everything, had no real feelings anymore all i had is a fog, i started crying feeling depressed i woke up tired every day, and i was always scared to say any of this to my mom and dad, i now think that i would never had doubts or questions whether i am straight or not if i had talked to my parents the first month of anxiety, but i allowed myself to dwell on it and i was scared not saying still anything about being anxious every day, and now i am beyond repair and will be in questioning for the rest of my life if i dont do anything about it. That is why i want to believe that this is reversible and it is a porn problem and too much fear and anxiety mixed together with loneliness pushing me in a phase or a 'test' in my life. I never want to feel that i love someone from my same sex more as more than a friend, and i dont want to think that being gay is moral or is natural, i just want to hope that if what i associate to be the root of this problem; anxiety and loneliness, if i would get rid of anxiety and loneliness maybe this questioning would disappear and i would return to being comfortable as a hetero male to procreate with a wife, and lead a normal life.

 

Thank you everyone for the responses and help. Yesterday I was seeing my reactions outside and I always look at girls like it's a natural thing and have an inner desire for them, but since all this happened I never get an erection for anything nor do I think I have a libido, I just have this weird groinal feeling all the time whenever I am around guys or girls. This morning when I woke up I had an erection thinking of a girl and I had a happy feeling, it lasted for like 5 seconds then the question came in my head and the doubts and my stomach just twisted and all i am feeling now is just anxiety.

All my anxiety symptoms came to me like a month after I started smoking weed, and I still have them full strength accompanied by this bullshit questioning myself and my identity.

 

Thanks for the answers again everyone.
I just feel an incredible sense of regret and generally bad feeling most of the time. Sorry for the long posts but I feel like I want somebody to understand me and give I want to relate to somebody and hope that this goes away.
See the thing is, I didn't have doubts in being straight for all of my 16 years of life, or lets say before or during puberty, I saw girls and I always had feelings towards them, as I said I started with exclusively straight porn, fantasized and always loved girls, but I became a shy kid during puberty due to my family's financial situation and other things and was always different than how other kids grew up(i was insecure and a shy kid and I still am and I think this is why I this is happening to me).
I encountered trans P and G P when I was masturbating as a kid, but I was always disgusted, put off by it and my preference simply was straight P, but as years passed and porn became a routine for me, I discovered 4chan sometime when I was 14, and I was bombarded with shocking and different porn than what I was used to, I browsed it all the time and as time went on, I became desensitized to a lot of things, first I was disgusted by generally gore content, then I grew to not mind it, I was disgusted by non straight content, I grew to not mind it and ocasionally fap to it, but I always felt shame after it (i never looked at masculine or typical gay content, I always looked at the more feminine ones, and shotacon). As time went on, sometime when i was 14 I had my first kiss and during that time I kissed many girls, and I enjoyed the making out, I got a girlfriend for 3 or 4 months, she was beautiful and I had a good time but I never felt real love, maybe it was distance, maybe not enough time, but what I want to say is, I dont know what real love is, I cared for my girlfriend I was jelaous I protected her, i also desired sex with her, but now when I think back on it I think I couldnt connect with her more because I still was a great porn user while being with her, so I relied on the next time I had PMO, but I never really saw this as an addiction or a problem or something that would cause me problems in the future. Anyway, I also noticed that I didn't like this non straight content when I was socializing a lot or when I had a girlfriend, but only when I was lonely and had too much time to myself.
I never had doubts in my sexuality until I started questioning it during a very confusing period of my life (a period of constant anxiety and depression and insecurity in myself which I am going through, and I feel so guilty and have regret because I keep thinking to myself if I never smoked pot or if I never browsed 4chan I wouldnt be here and would never have this confusion about my sexuality or have any anxiety, because I always thought I was a strong kid because of what I went through when younger and never had a thought I could be this vulnerable or this weak to my thoughts.
I want to hope that doing nofap for 3 or more months will rid me of this confusion and thoughts, I want to hope that some latent homosexuality or some bullshit like that hasn't been awoken and now I have to accept a different identity in my life, I don't feel in place and I don't feel right, I was more homophobic when I was younger but I've learned to accept people who were homosexual and let them live their lives as they wish, but I never thought I would become the thing I feared of becoming as younger kid, I want to hope that I am not becoming this though and that I can revert, but I just don't know what to do except nofap and maybe socializing and going back to school ( I quit school and thats the period my anxiety and loneliness increased).
I keep doubting and thinking that Im in denial or something and because I questioned my sexuality thats why Im gonna become gay now, and Im really scared and feel really bad for it, I just dont want to be this.

Sorry if I bothered you with my long ass posts but if any of you guys read until here, I want to thank you and tell you that this forum and post is my only reassurance now and the people here who have the similar issue I just want to relate to them and believe that I still am what I thought I was and that I can revert this, but I have doubts all the time man and I hate myself for it.
Thank you again guys, I really appreciate it.

Edit: also, since I started questioning and all this bs, I rarely get erections when I look at girls on instagram lets say, where as I would have gotten one for as far as I can remember my name, I get aroused but then I just doubt myself, and I think but what if Im this and this, my stomach then just twists I cant eat anything every day, and then every guy I look at I just question myself and feel really bad and feel tingling in my groin, and when i am relaxed I notice that I dont have any stomach twisting and I can get rock hard by girls and I almost have desires to PM again, but im scared if I keep these thoughts up I will eventually be ok with being gay or bi and that girls wont attract me anymore, I feel so bad when i think of this scenario.