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Why Do We Relapse?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by tmack, Mar 18, 2018.

  1. tmack

    tmack Fapstronaut

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    Why is it that we relapse? Really, though - we want to quit, and we dedicate a lot of time to updating our status on this website. Why is it that our brain shifts, all of a sudden, from wanting to quit to wanting quite the opposite? It seems as thought our brains are torn between wanting to quit and wanting to relapse. How do we fully embrace the desire to quit, then?

    It seems as though many who have been on here and have dedicated a great amount of energy to quitting have ended up, nevertheless, relapsing. Is it even possible to really, truly quit for good?

    I'm in college, and need to spend this time rebooting, so that I can begin to start dating a bit down the road. It feels incredibly discouraging to be continuously relapsing, though!
     
  2. Power_of_LOVE

    Power_of_LOVE New Fapstronaut

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    Because of the absence of positive emotions.

    Negative emotions never leave, they are always strong. They can only "leave" when the positive emotions are stronger than them.
     
  3. seaguy44

    seaguy44 Moderator Assistant

    Because it's an addiction. We are all addicted to the chemical dopamine. it's what gives us intense urges and makes us relapse.

    It overrides our logical thinking. We know it's not healthy yet we relapse.

    The key is to get support, change your behaviors, and do it a day by day.

    I have met a guy in my church who has been clean from porn, alcohol AND drugs (all at once) for 27 years. He has not had a single relapse so it's possible, but we really need to change our lifestyle and thinking...

    Stay strong brother!
     
  4. because unlike other addictions the need to have sexual release is biological I personally feel the only way to successfully quit Masturbation forever is having regular consistent sex i.e when ur married etc
    u can reduce the urge to M by avoiding triggers which is good anyway but eventually your body will need a release so u end up either having a wet dream and then waking up and M (chaser affect) or u just M and then the cycle of guilt recovery and relapse begins again
     
  5. seaguy44

    seaguy44 Moderator Assistant

    I agree....Regular sex in marriage really helps (even through I'm not married yet), but many of my married friends said it really helped them reduce the M/P addiction. Some married guys still struggle with this although.

    I know for myself, when I'm married, I'm pretty sure that my addiction to P/M would be much better since I'll be having regular sex with my wife.
     
  6. yea its a losing battle otherwise
     
  7. Vanilla

    Vanilla Fapstronaut

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    I think it's because we are conscious of it all. We now know that PMOing makes one happy because of the release of dopamine and if someone is having a bad day, despite wanting to stop, it's easy to go 'ahh screw it, I'm having an awful day, I just need this to make me feel a bit better.'

    Right now for example that is how I am feeling. I'm not having a great mental day and because I am so aware of PMO and PIED and what I was doing to myself in the past, at the forefront of my mind right now is that PMOing would make myself feel better, and because it is at the forefront of my mind it becomes easy to relapse. I am not going to, I am distracting myself by typing this, but I can see how one could easily relapse because of this.
     
  8. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut

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    Funny- because my husband got it regularly... Rarely said no to him. He started wanting me less and less and starter wanting porn more and more. Of course I didn’t know he was watching porn. From my view just started not wanting sex very much. And he said he wanted to quit all along but just couldn’t.
     
    vxlccm likes this.
  9. Hey that's really sad I honestly don't understand how so many women put up with it. Its awful

    My point was more masturbation focused than porn. regular sex can stop you from masturbating completely but it's not something which alone can help porn addicts. They require a combination of things therapy, complete abstinence, admitting that there's a problem. I don't think giving him regular sex led to him watching more porn rather the porn was there before hand and was always the main sort of thing to the point where it has now began to replace sex


    Is he seeking help now
     
  10. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut

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    Yeah.. he doesn’t want to lose me. He’s professional counseling and another men’s group. He’s doing the 90 day no PMO...feb 5th was when I found out that he’s been lying about PMOing the whole 7 years I’ve known him- also prior to that for many years... so just this week he admits to watching 20 minutes of unfiltered YouTube porn... but says no M or O. And he called it a “close call”... But I pointed out that it was a fail that even though it wasn’t as bad as what he usually does he let himself go for 20 minutes.
     
  11. present2015

    present2015 Fapstronaut

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    You are in college. In a dorm. With Internet acces. With a computer day and night. Get rid of your computer and use the ones from the school in an open area. Get up and walk away if you feel the urge. Heck, one time I went to walmart at 3:00 AM so that I did not masturbate.

    Reasses as to why you are failing. Change your environment.
     
  12. findingdawae

    findingdawae Fapstronaut

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    Heres what I think:

    -we are addicted to pmoing and addictions are like similar bad habits

    -most of us have been living with pmoing for at least a few years (for me its 3-5 years alr). So, how do we even quit this "deeply rooted" habit of pmoing that easily huh? (but still dont give up man)
     
    vxlccm likes this.

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