My life in words.Sexual abuse, bisexuality and sissy cravings..

Amen!

 

If you'd rather get rid of a fetish like this, good luck. If it's a problem to you, then turn away from it. And if it is porn induced it may well just go away when you give up porn.

I'm less anti fetish than this though. Real women wear real clothes and it's not necessarily a problem or abnormal for a man to feel some sexual stimulation linked to things strongly associated with women. I don't think that's necessarily anything to do with porn and can be enjoyed in an unproblematic way between consenting adults. I think it's wrong to link the idea of a woman wearing any reasonably clothes (stockings, short skirts, high heeled shoes ...) with the thought that she's a "wh*re". *That* is the porny thought to resist, I think.

 

Dear ukbritishbloke,

I understand your point.

I admit I'm now sometimes developing thoughts which could be found in the head of a traditional (or radical to some) muslim.

I've got problems with how women dress in big cities:
- first because it attracts my attention and (unhealthy in my opinion) desire, so it awfully reminds me of my own porn-induced fetishes,
- second because I've got the impression that all these women, and sometimes (too) young girls, offer their bodies for free to the view of any brutish, disrespectful (and I'm afraid, more or less porn-bred) man who crosses their way, and by doing so allows such man to fully enjoy it and objectify her as a piece of meat, so I would like to protect them by restoring decency,
- third, because it seems to me that the more superficial and seductive they endeavor to look, the more empty and ego-centered they become.

I know that my feelings have been exaggerated by porn, and that sometimes, I see vulgarity where there is actually none, but the very idea that for instance, some stranger in the street will look at my girlfriend like that just makes me want to smash his face to pieces — even if I should have died a thousand of times in the past if someone actually thought like this and looked at me before...

Yesterday, I was in the Parisian metro and I saw some advertisements doing prevention against sexual harassment in the public area (and the metro is particularly likely to expose women to such assaults). You could see a women standing and holding the bar of the metro, and behind her slowly came a shark, a bear, a wolf, in short a predator. I mean, this was stuck everywhere on the walls, you can't deny that modern men behave more and more in an inappropriate way, do you??

I don't want to become some strange kind of feminist (funny thing is I used to dislike them a lot), but if we cannot take some action and completely nip those violent, porn-induced masculine ways of thinking in the bud through (re-)education, something has to be made also to protect women from them, and it can be also just wearing more decent clothes in order not to attract the vultures!

Men have always had desire for women, I'm not denying it and I don't think it's a bad thing, but this sexual energy has to be tamed and organized in some kind of social harmony, so we don't go back to animality! And for me, both men and women have to be sensitized on that matter.

Once again, this is my point of view and you have the right to disagree and to oppose arguments!

Peace.
TTMT

 

The objectivity and sexual appeal of women in our culture is not going to go away. He'll even certain men are presented in a very sexual manner. Sex has become so engraved in our culture that we now just accept it in the most subliminal terms. When I started NOFAP I began to question what is the purpose of so many things in our culture, particularly music videos and other parts of pop culture. I'm not blaming the music industry either, musical artists can do whatever they want. Even the SI Swimsuit issues aren't really about swimsuits anymore. They're very scantily clad. This was a great realization for me as I realized things like music, Facebook, and TV shows that aren't really intended to be sexual can still be triggers for me. I think the best thing in your case about women's clothing is to socialize more with them. Getting to know their character can change your whole perspective on what women have to offer and can tame cravings and dirty thoughts.

 

Thank you for this comment, JamesMC89!
I relate with it on a deep level. Sexuality is our innate drive and everybody in the industry knows it. Because it is so primal, it is so hard to control, thus it becomes a way of control.
Everything can be a trigger until there isn't a mindset and values, which go beyond the physical/purely sexual attraction. This is why I paid attention to my inner need of connection and formulated an approach to the use of my sexuality based on it. This has been an anchor in times when I've been fatally challenged by cravings (one of the reasons I'm 80 days free).

Sexuality in our lives is overrated. Our culture has twisted the purpose of it. But I dare to say it's not only in our culture - if you look at the past, you'll find similar symptoms. Our needs haven't changed, only how we express them.

I was blessed to read an inspiring book by the German author Erich Fromm - "The art of loving", where I found answers that changed my entire perception about the sexuality as a search of expressing love towards one another. I highly recommend this book (just keep in mind that I was bored reading in the beginning, because the answers came somewhere in the middle).

 

Hi James,

Thank you for your contribution, I appreciate!

I agree with you, sex as a representation is deeply embedded in our culture, and concepts like the "female object" or "trophy wife" have become so trivialized, that we don't even pay attention any more — I googled SI Swimsuit, and this is just THE perfect example of it, OMG it's so breathtakingly cliché.

You know, if I hadn't been so marked (I won't say traumatized, as it is a little bit over the top, but still) by internet pornography from such a young age, I certainly wouldn't overreact on such avatars of hypersexualization, because it wouldn't be linked in my brain to addiction, escalation in violent contents, objectifying women, feeding prostitution and sex trafficking and so on, all this being opposed to exclusive love, affection, respect and spiritual proximity with the partner.

I won't make a speech about Pope Saint John Paul II's vision of sexuality as a communion of persons (theology of the body, etc.), but my own sensibility on this matter has a lot in common with this.

To sum up, there is some kind of dilemna: am I revolted by such occurences of mainstream "lust":
- because I've been overfed with porn and I might now place visual stimuli higher on the scale of attractiveness than they actually are, since I can associate a slight sprinkle of sex-appeal to the predatory spirit of degradation and abuse of kind and innocent souls, if not the transformation of them into vulgar, shallow and promiscuous beings who spiritually disgust me,
- or because there is an REAL invasion of specific sexually-oriented contents in the media sphere which distort sex relations amongst the new generations and help porn-induced mentalities to develop and thrive inside of people, e.g. the Tinder fashion which makes disposable products out of us all.

In fact, I think that both statements above are partially true, but knowing your opinion would be interesting to me.

@Todor: Thanks for giving us the reference of Erich Fromm's book, I'll look further into it.
BTW, I would just make a parallel with the Marxist view of the opposition between quality and quantity, absolute and relative, spirit and matter. I think the main issue of our times is based on this dichotomy. I'm not saying that we have to become only spiritual, but the spirit has to heighten the flesh, more than the flesh ought to lower the spirit, if you know what I mean. And yes, I think like you that sexuality is nowadays clearly overrated, so much that it can be the new "golden calf".

Thanks for reading.

Cheers!
TTMT