I've been heavily attracted to this beautiful women who goes to my local church and really do want to ask her out. I have had plenty of opportunities to make it so but have never made the actual move. I have prayed almost everyday that I only pursue in a Godly way. any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just hope that what I'm experiencing isn't just some punch drunk love type of attraction.
I have spoken to her quite often. I enjoy her company and most times that we've spoken she seems to enjoy it. problem being that I just don't know whether or not that is a justifiable reason to take a step forward. Oh, and Wrestler, I saw you on one of my other posts. If your wondering, I came here just to get some more responses from fellow men of faith
It is no sin to ask her out. I am of the opinion that young men and women in the church are not nearly direct enough when it comes to dating. Ask her out. If she says no move on. Know that your identity is in Christ and not in any relationship. Do not give into PMO out of bitterness and self pity. IF she says yes, treat her like you would a sister. Love her as Christ loves the church. Don't let her trigger you. Be a man an take leadership over boundaries and keeping to them. In all things honour and glorify Christ with your life.
Thanks for the helpful advice guys. I'll try and be as direct as I can next time that I see her. But I pray that my pursuit doesn't get in the way of her following God.
A construct created by the so-called "Alphas" to denigrate the "Betas" and scare them into acting. "Chad" is a super dude-bro who scores all the chicks and will swoop in to steal your girl if you don't act. If only Alpha males were actually a thing. If they were secure in themselves they would not have to put others down.
Thanks for checking up on me Roady, I appreciate it. As far as asking her out, no, sadly I still haven't grown the balls to do it. Once again I had an opportunity after church service last Sunday but wussed out again. However, I'm hopeful. Their is a Seder Service coming up on March 28(If I see her before hand then hopefully I can man up and ask her even earlier. She his probably going and if I do then I plan on asking her out then. Does that sound like good timing? Because I have no idea. @Roady
You could do the Jacob approach (it will be fitting you are Joseph). Next time you're in church run up to her, kiss her and then weep loudly. Then declare with a loud voice, "Behold I am Joseph the son of Jacob! You are the most beautiful woman to ever live so let us go out to the country and pick fruit together".
Just kidding... Only do that if you want to freak out her out You could just go up to her and ask her out but she could straight out reject you. It might be better to flirt with her a bit. I used to have this book called The Art of Dating but I think it's out of print now since I couldn't find it on Amazon. But it had a chapter on flirting and how there's nothing wrong with Christians doing it since it's a way to find out if the person is open to dating you. Here some tips on flirting from Modern Reject: Say “Hi.” Yes, a strong “Hi,” along with eye contact and a smile, can go a really long way with a woman. Get close to her, but not creeper close. Lean in. Act interested. Ask her about herself. Tell her she looks pretty. But in my opinion, you shouldn't be pursuing a relationship now. I'm not trying to judgemental or mean but @Run_Like_Joseph_Did I see you're at 0 on your counter. I don't think anyone below 30 should be pursuing a relationship. I'm at 0 too and I'm not even thinking of getting in a relationship. I think we need to be in a healthy place when we pursue a relationship and I think being at 0 is an indication someone isn't. Some guys think getting in a relationship will help them beat PMO but from experience, I've learnt that's not the case. Take a look at the SO section and you'll see the pain PMO inflicts on girlfriends and wives. Surely you don't want to bring the same pain to this woman? When I can afford I'll be seeing a counsellor so I can deal with the root causes of my PMOA but until I do that I won't be dating. This opinion isn't that of everyone here, but I do believe it's better to be in an emotionally and spiritually healthy place before you start anything with a woman.
if it works in the bible, it should work in our life too so coming back to that ask-her-out topic: I am with @Surfing Poet in that you should definitely look for the sign of attraction when talking to her. I wouldn't just all of a sudden ask her out, because chances are - if she didn't see it coming - that because of sheer overwhelming she rejects the OFFER. indeed, that should be your mindset: you are OFFERING her sth --> time with you, which is (and you should be convinced of that) an amazing thing and not everyone has the privilege to spend time with you, so logically inferring she could be grateful for it anyways, look for the signs when talking to her. maybe make her a compliment on her looks or her intellect (whatever you honestly like about her) and then see how she reacts. if the signs are there, ask her out.
ya know, I like that Idea. I don't want to put a woman through my problems with PMO ever. I like that idea of making at least 30 days. The only concern I have with that idea is that I've been told that if I keep delaying and putting it off, then I will only continue to do so on and on and on until I lose any chance. Like I said, I don't ever want to get a woman involved in my issues, but I don't want to put it off for too long and lose my chance. What's say you? P.S About your original idea, if I had the brass pair to go up and do THAT to a woman, I don't think I'd have a problem with PMO.
you shouldn't over-identify with the number that is on your counter, because it is just that: a number. it is here to track your progress, but definitely it is not here to keep you from asking girls out. that's not its purpose. when asking her out, however, you want to make sure to come from a state in which you feel comfortable and confident. if this state correlates with your badge number, then wait. but if you can trigger yourself to be confident just in that very situation of asking her, then disregard your low number and just ask her! trust me on this: she doesn't know what your badge number is it's all about your confidence level when talking to her.
Thanks for the advice man. I've been prayin' almost every night that I manage to built up that oh so important CONFIDENCE. Hopefully I can manage soon enough.
