My Story - 24 years old

Hi Guyz

I want to share with you my story and connect with the people who have already gotten successful in NoFap.

Timeline:-

A very shy and introverted, less confident person from childhood and very less friends.
Discovered porn when I was 13 years old. Used to spend hours watching it but at that time had no idea about M or O. sooner or later I discovered that too but wasn't doing any M or O. It was about when I was 17, I started with PMO. As usual, got so addicted, I used to do it daily or once in 2-3 days for minimum. kept going on but deep down inside I knew it was wrong but the addiction kept me going.

I was a thin lean guy when I was 14/15 but gained a lot of my weight after 18. I think it could be due to PMO, but I was also eating a lot so I'm not sure. maybe its both. I used to be very shy but I don't know if its from porn of that my sense of fear got increased from that which I just don't seem to understand but I was a very anxious person. I used to worry a lot. like you could tell me that Iam a negative anxious worrying machine. Had no confidence in me whatsoever. I started my career filled with social anxiety. I was very analytical always in my head thinking about what could go wrong, how to make it right.
Getting approval from people. Always acting desparate and wanting to get validation from people. All these years , I had no idea that PMO was the cause of all of these problems.

I always used to think, why people don't like me. why am I not confident and would spend hours and hours and hours spending time on Youtube on self improvement but no matter how hard I tried to improve myself it was never enough.

I had this enormous amount of self doubt in me. Catastrophic obsessive negative thinking patterns on what could go wrong in each and every situation in my life and analysing in my head on how to make it right and then worrying about it on what if it goes wrong and all that stuff.

It was like no matter how much ever I tried to learn or contribute or add value to me and the people around me, it was never ever enough and all these times PMO kept going until I was so depressed that I had no motivation to do anything whatsoever.

Deep down inside I wanted to be a better version of myself very badly but I just couldn't do it and I had no idea why.

NoFap:-

I discovered this few years ago and I was on a month streak I guesss but I was not that serious and I wasn't even aware of the benefits that much or maybe I was too addicted that I didn't want to.

On 4th March 2018, I came across the nofap forum, YBOP, and other sites and got obsessed. Read so much of articles and suddenly everything made sense. even though if it didn't, somewhere I wanted it to make sense because I couldn't live with my hated depressed self anymore.

From that day, I started noFap. I used to browse all the posts in threads about flatline, withdrawal symptoms, benefits that kept me going and giving me a lot of hope.

Im In day 19 now. First few days were nothing. I guess I started with flatline from day 1 itself. No urges. No desire with women. No motivation. On day 7 or 8, I could feel in my body that I'm having more energy. like it never used to happen before. I was so used to feeling tired and lazy all the time that this was new to me and kept me going.

And then this pressure in the head thing started and I was feeling heavy all the time. not able to think clearly. It was like my brain couldn't process the information that is happening around me and I was so scared and afraid on what is happening to me. NoFaP forum posts kept my hopes alive.

Until last 7 days, I'm starting to experience the benefits. Like not all the time, but I'm getting the glimpse of how it would feel if I keep abstaining from PMO for longer periods of time.

Im a very anxious guy and have never ever confronted anyone. But there was this moment where I was talking with a colleague and he made fun of me. The usual Me would take that humiliation and think, feel and analyse about it for hours In my home on what I could have said to make it right. On that day, when that happened, I looked at him in the eye, and whatever he said , I replied it with, "huh,not so funny". and the guy was like stunned on my confrontation. I know its a very small thing but It was big to me since something like this never ever happened. I still don't know how I was able to gather up the courage to do that.

I know its still the early days but I can feel the mental clarity, confidence, noticing the small details, great posture, body language, deeper voice, improved memory, engaging with people more, living in the present moment.

Like words are coming automatically and I don't have to think bout anything and this is strange and weird and exiting. Its like my body is like pumping confidence in my head. I'm getting more responsible and all that stuff. but suddenly one evening I feel depressed and I think I'm back to Zero. Low motivation but I just keep hoping that I will get that confidence back thinking I'm healing and it will be fine.

The thing that I loved the most Is the deep clear voice I'm having which was like a dream come true. I could literally do anything to get It back. Like it is so clear and I feel like I can talk to anyone about anything in anyway.

There is a lot of fluctuations but one thing I want to know is , that how can I become a confident person suddenly with no PMO because I was not a confident person as a kid. This is something that is bothering me a lot and Im just too confused.

And Iam not even thinking about relapse. I have brainwashed myself so much on that part that Iam away from all the triggers. It was 19 precious days of my life and it feels like some great journey of ups and downs and I see light at the end of the tunnel. So no way iam ever going to do that and guys, need your support on this.

Guys pls help me.

Thanks for reading this.

 

Thank you so much for the advice bro and congrats on your 90 days!. Eagerly waiting for that mark

 

Thank you so much for this. Looking forward for the Longest streak to infinity.

 

Guys just checking in ,, I've finished my 30 days