Much more intimacy

Why not let her do the research? And besides, if your fetish ideas come from your porn use maybe it is also not the best idea to pursue them? At least for now?

Personally, I feel very saddened by my husband's years of porn use, as I have always been very willing and open when it comes to sex. I was also much more experienced than him. Over the years - I would have agreed to anything just to have him sexually attracted to me. But now I feel I don't want to try any new things he may ever suggest, as I would always suspect they come from what he watched over the years (and 20+ years of porn addiction must have given him an opportunity to see almost anything there is). And I don't want him to have any flashbacks or to base our sex life on what he saw other women doing.

On the other hand, you are young. So there is no need to rush. If you stay clean, you have a lifetime of excellent sex ahead of you and fetishes can wait for when trust is rebuilt and your brain recovers from the addiction.

 

@Werka I agree.


@Ineedhelp321.
In my opinion as a PA fetishes are something that we should stay away from. This means no research as it will be difficult to do so without risking being triggered. If the relation ship with an SO is already better than it has been then it is best to just enjoy that for the time being. Learn each others likes again and just get very good and being with each other in a safe capacity. This early in a reboot it may be difficult to know the difference between what you really like and what you think you like based on the addiction. I betrayed my SO for 12 years watching porn and it ended up effecting my life in many negative ways. Since I have started my reboot things have gotten exponentially better. This includes sex. We have not ventured very far from the basics and have been able to learn just how good they can be when you have a connection. My SO did mention to me that she does not want me to try anything with out talking about it first as she will wonder where I got the idea.
Of course every reboot is different and as long as you and your SO understand each other and talk about what feels safe and what does not then it is really up to you what would be considered dangerous.
I just think that there is no reason to rush into fetishes until you know you feel safe.

 

I agree that fetishes are just something to be avoided. They can get will be from porn use and even if they originally weren't, if you looked them up in porn they may become associated with it so they can have a negative effect. I think overall they should be avoided. You can try other things just as long as it's not a fetish. There are other ways to explore sexuality.

 

I embrace your openness and willingness to make a positive change.
You have admitted to yourself you have a problem, which is the biggest step. I guess if you are scared to relaps why don’t you just start a conversation about your fantasies with your partner? I think that through the conversation, people sometimes identify correctly what it is they want to express and spill it out.
But again, it depends what research you want to do. Maybe you could do it together after the chat? Or best re-inact it
In any case, I wish you all the best and I hope you will be another example of someone who won the battle and became free from addiction