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Reason #1 why men struggle more than women

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Thomas Smith 2, Mar 27, 2018.

  1. Thomas Smith 2

    Thomas Smith 2 Fapstronaut

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    I've spent a lot of time over the years wondering why porn is such a pull for me and other guys, whereas it isn't for most women. I've thought of many reasons, and maybe I'll create threads for each of them. The first reason I've thought of is how a guy getting a girl to want to be naked with him and fool around with him is generally much harder than the reverse scenario.

    This might be the biggest reason why guys struggle with porn more than women. From a young age, they have a strong desire for physical intimacy, but soon learn that women are generally shyer, and more resistant, of physical intimacy, at least beyond hand-holding and kissing. So this hurts guys' self-esteem, it makes them sad and depressed, it makes them feel undesirable. It becomes the "perfect storm" which makes them prone to use porn and get hooked on it.

    Thoughts?
     
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  2. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    I don't think I agree with this part of your post. What makes you think women are generally shyer and more resistant of physical intimacy?
     
  3. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    Interesting question. The reason, that more men are addicted to porn than women is pretty obvious. Men watch more porn than women, generally speaking. But why do men watch more porn than women? I never thought about it.

    In a way, this sounds reasonable. But then again I'm not totally sure, if this actually is true. Is it really harder or does it just seem harder from our male perspective? I don't know the answer to that question.

    I also have my issues with the correlation between the two. Let's say, it would be harder for guys, would this really correlate with an increase in watching porn? Again, I can't answer that. It's possible and sounds logical in a sense, but it could also be another way.

    Again, not sure if this really is true. I think we are a bit biased here, since we're male and therefore only know the male perspective.

    I don't think this is the explanation. Most guys here on NoFap started watching porn at a very young age. Most of them - I would argue - didn't even seek physical contact to girls at that time. So we watched porn before we we're interested in physical intimacy with girls. So I don't think we were watching porn as a way to cope with a lack of intimacy with women, but more out of curiosity.
     
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  4. This is simply not true.

    If a not so attractive or not so confident girl wants to get with a hot guy, she'll probably think it's difficult...

    If a not so attractive or not so confident guy wants to get with a hot girl, he'll probably think it's difficult...

    However providing you aim within your league & approach the situation with some confidence - you'll find you could quite easily hook up with a girl if that's what you wanted to do (obviously I don't recommend it).

    Heck over the years I've even hooked up with girls way out of my league just by approaching it with a bit of confidence.

    If you feel it's difficult, you'll make it difficult... That's the bottom line.
     
  5. Horenuker

    Horenuker Fapstronaut

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    Because biologically men are more visual, conquering, with the primal instinct to insemanate multiple females...porn viewing is an artificial way to trick the brain into thinking a male is doing this.

    A females basic instinct is to be attracted to alpha males that show the attributes of confidence, ability to protect, ability to provide... hence the reason that women are less about visualizing a man in porn to get off then a man is towards a woman when he gets off.

    Obviously a hot guy with all the attributes is more attractive to a female the average joe. But trust me when I say a guy is more likely to be accept a hot chick that is poor with little self esteem if she is a hottie then a woman is accepting a hot guy with the same problems
     
  6. I agree mostly with @Horenuker in that men are very visual when appraising a potential mate, for example hip size, breasts, healthy glowing skin etc all add up to a fertile female as far as i understand. Of course women like hot guys too but i honestly believe they go more for personality traits,status, confidence, ability to provide rather than simply looks. We live in a media saturated world that tells us looks are really really important so we believe it and start to judge by it. Even though i no longer view porn i still find myself checking out women when i'm out and about but that's just because i'm human and it's natural for a beautiful woman to put a smile on your face. The difference today is the abundance of perverse forms of expression, ie: porn which takes us away from the inner person and dehumanizes the individuals as pixels on a screen,objects, things to use and throw away and there is a disconnect between that and how things work in the real world or at least how they ought to work for a civil society to flourish.

    I think also men are naturally hunters and predatory whether that comes to food or women. The availability of porn and the ease of access really does a number on our hunter mentality because it gives the illusion of endless sex and endless novelty without committment. Think about it in relation to food, you have one person who spends the best part of the day pursuing an animal, kills it and eats it and gets a sense of achievement and is fit and healthy and another person who has a massive cache of donuts,ice cream, fried chicken and doesn't have to put in any effort to get what he needs so he gets fat, lazy, unhealthy and selfish. I think the same goes with porn, the man who's willing to get out of his comfort zone, make a few mistakes, but ultimately date a nice woman and get the reward of intimacy and physical connection is a happer and healthier individual than the one who chooses only the thrill and novelty of visual representations of his desire but never fulfilled.
     
  7. Vulkan

    Vulkan Fapstronaut

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    I don´t believe men struggle more than women in general. More men than women watch porn, but those women who do watch porn (the women in this forum) are addicted as well, they are not here just for fun, but because they have a problem and need the support here to have a chance to be PMO free.
     
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  8. Strong Spiderman

    Strong Spiderman Fapstronaut

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  9. Thomas Smith 2

    Thomas Smith 2 Fapstronaut

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    Women take less risk than men. They approach men less than men approach women. They are slower to want to get physical than men are. You don't disagree with any of this, right?
     
  10. Thomas Smith 2

    Thomas Smith 2 Fapstronaut

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    Oh really? Most guys here started watching porn even before they had any sexual interest? Ok - that's different than me. I remember having a wet dream, seeing sexy women on TV, and then wanting to MO to thoughts of these women. This led me to porn (which at the time was magazines, not the Internet).
     
  11. Thomas Smith 2

    Thomas Smith 2 Fapstronaut

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    I see your points, and I generally agree, but you still have to admit it's still harder for a guy. As they say, all a woman has to do to have sex with a guy is ... ask.
     
  12. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    Women want sex just as much as guys, maybe even more in my opinion. The difference is guys want to have sex with attractive girls and girls want strong, confident, successful personas. In my opinion guys are hard wired to look for an attractive mate, as they tend to have better genes and women look for a strong mate to protect offspring.

    Women are pretty forward about sex these days. When I was in my teens, girls used to offer sex on a plate. Pity I was too nervous back then to accept .
     
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  13. That usually only happens to the top 10 or 15 % of guys. The other 95 - 90 percent are mostly out of luck unless the woman has decided it's time to "settle down", which often means "settling".
     
  14. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    There are so many of ways we females can reach an O and we can also learn it at an early age. I won’t give examples as they could be trigger. Maybe the difference is females are much better about being open at having those conversations with other female friends, even at a young age.
     
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  15. Gooding

    Gooding Fapstronaut

    I really don't know
    I have opinions... guess they are worthless. What you need is science, or at least statistics.
     
  16. TenderCrisp

    TenderCrisp Fapstronaut

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    If I may throw in my five cents:

    I think an important factor is that men can "rub one out" quite fast; some even under a minute. It's been called "the quick fix" for a reason. You can literally rub it 10 times as fast as humanly possible while thrusting during sex. Women on the other hand I believe need to take considerably more time pleasuring themselves. It's more sensual and conscious for them I guess, whereas men can get lost completely in porn and rub one out at warp drive in 60 seconds or less. Quick, efficient, and feels good. But completely automatic and unconscious, not really savoured. Therefore, it turns into a compulsion where some guys do it multiple times in one session.
     
  17. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    That maybe true with a partner but I can tell you it’s much faster and in multiples if it’s just me. Most women know how to please themselves much more than a partner does, especially if the partner is mixed up with P. Why do you think there are women who also are addicted to PMO.
    Me personally I prefer a partner, there is something much more to a shared experience with someone you love and are connected to over PMO or even just MO. I came very close to the MO threshold after my husband’s affair, the self soothing side of it but that maybe a whole other topic.
     
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  18. TenderCrisp

    TenderCrisp Fapstronaut

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    Interesting! It was a wild guess but I guess I stand corrected then.

    I think every (P)MO addict prefers a partner deep down, even if they say they don't*.
    That's just the addiction doing the talking.

    *i.e. unless they're asexual.
     
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