20 days (need some motivation)

Tonight was a massive step in your recovery!! Your mind is playing tricks on you. It wants you to relapse for that feeling of dopamine that it has been missing! It's normal to have days where you feel empty and confused. They are the days when you have to work the hardest. Well done and keep up the great work

 

THE BIGGEST
BATTLE
IS WITHIN THE
MIND!

Congratulations for making it up to 20 days, You have killed your demons, now the only stuff remaining is not to let them get resurrected. And my man! You are the one who can slay them for forever!
So go ahead and eradicate them! They don't own you! You are stronger, you are better and you are destined for greatness!
Don't let nobody stop ya! Not your own self! ​

 

Bro i can totallyaly relate to u. Dame situation here

 

I'm super impressed that you won that battle! Way to go on practicing music as an alternative! I haven't gotten that far in my journey, but I can only imagine, you had the habit for x amount of years....it will take time until you no longer have those desires. Even then the reason you wanted it in the first place my take even more work.

 

Trust me, you dont want to give in and you should be proud that you fought off such a strong urge. That empty feeling is natural, it sucks, but its natural. The only thing worse is the feeling of guilt, shame, and fog that comes from failure. Plus giving in is just a short term fix, you'll have to come back to that same miserable feeling as long as you intent to quit. Kedp up the good work and stay strong, im roiting for ya.

 

Don't know if this makes sense but doing something that scares you? Not in a stupid sense, but doing something that you've always wanted to do, that helps keep me focused

 

awesome! Let it burn and it's gotta feel so good isn't it?

Now remember to get out of the house for a walk or studying in the coffee shop and talk to people. You don't have to bear it all yourself. Talk to people and let your community self works itself out.

 

Mate im in the same situation and this really spoke to me I came dangerously close to relapsing today and the urges seem to be getting stronger. But I do like yourself refuse to let this thing beat me again because ultimately this is the time for change and If we give in again nothing changes. All the best mate

 

Congratulations for the right choice you made brother!! 20 days is a good streak count and the way that you are taking it forward by doing healthy activities and engaging yourself in positive things, i believe that you will go far ahead without pmo. Now I'll share my experience that i had recently. I hope that you'll take some lessons from it. 2 days back in the afternoon I acted out. I was on day 28. It was spontaneous. While rebooting, I was very cautious regarding the potential sources from where i can get triggers. I was watching over my thoughts also. I kept myself away from social media as well. Kept engaging myself in similar positive activities as you are doing.

Then suddenly that afternoon i was triggered by an advertisement in a book reading app. It was as if i was in an autopilot mode when i acted out. Initially i minimised that app, when i first saw it accidentally. But minutes later I intentionally opened it again and saw that, thinking that i'll just have a glance of it. And the result of that choice was just a momentary pleasure and later on the regrets. Today I don't feel that energy which i felt when i was on day 28th and i regret the choice that i made.

So as you are recovering, your brain is getting rewired. You'll have some days where your motivation to continue will be down, and its normal. Don't be afraid of that. Sometimes the urges will be very strong.
But ask yourself why on the first place you started this journey. When the urges come then think of it as an opportunity to remind yourself of your "why" by asking this question. Take a pause and ask this question. Visualize the reward, the kind of person you'll become after giving up this pmo forever, whenever the urges come. So don't think at all of falling short. Instead whenever it's getting hard, think of it as an opportunity to make the right choices. Real examination happens during the hard time. So you've got perform well in it.

And from my failure learn that while you are recovering never trust your mind. It'll try to trick you in ways you won't be able to comprehend. Your job is to keep doing the right things as you've been doing currently. No questions asked, even if you are feeling like hell. And whenever accidentally you encounter any trigger, walk away from it at the very first moment. If it's your cell-phone then lock it and stay away from it for a while.

Sorry for the length of my reply. I seriously don't wan't you to commit the mistake that i commited. That's why i thought to share all of this. But believe me on this. Don't act out. You won't regret it. You'll become a better person.
Stay strong!! Stay Clean!!

With Love and Respect.

 

You are right about keeping yourself occupied! I found that if I keep myself doing other things, then I will forget the urges and have another day under my tracker. Sometimes I get close to the edge and have to remind myself to steer clear, but don't let the fear of a relapse draw your mind into thinking that you can't do it, because you already have and are still going. You are doing great and just keep yourself occupied!

 

@ad_nex has a good point... autopilot zombies always go off the cliff. Must be intentional in recovery - eyes open and on better things. Good news is eventually the patterns get set on better things and momentum is easier to maintain. So, yeah - stay busily occupied.