Today is my birthday.

I have not had a lot of luck with my birthday these past few years. They always seem to be lonely and depressing. Right now, I’m alone on the floor, with only my pillow and blanket, crying hysterically. This is all because of this addiction. If I was a better person my whole life, I would be happy now. But instead I’ve hurt my partner so much that she can’t stabd me half the time I’m around. I’m trying really hard. And she’s told me I’ve been doing so much and that I’m so much more responsible. But she just can’t feel beautiful or secure in our relationship. I just want to hold her. I don’t want to go to sleep crying and alone on the floor tonight. I just want to be with her. I want all of her hurt to go away.
Men...please, please don’t be liars. Don’t hide things. Don’t use porn. Just love your partner. It’s so easy to be happy. It’s SO DAMN EASY. But it’s gone now. Happiness is gone for me. No one can exactly understand my situation but happiness is trapped behind a glass panel for me. I can see it, but I will never ever truly have it. I just want to be home. I’m in my house. But I want to be HOME.

 

Thank you everyone. I got through it...! The support from here during my desperation has saved me from a lot of my pain. I’m going to keep trying. I’m not going to give up yet. I want to make our lives better.
I hate this addiction. I wish P would just go away. I’m going to keep making my SAA phonecalls. I’m going to beat this.